How fitting.......It's POULTRY DAY!!
Posted on 03/19/2010 5:18:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Edited on 03/19/2010 10:42:01 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Most famous Chicken: Looney Tune's Foghorn leghorn. Although Republicans are coming in as a close second.
Chicken Philosophy: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's time; so, Zeb got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
Zeb's favorite rooster was old Barack. A very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning, Zeb noticed that Barack's bell had not rung at all!!
Zeb went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing! The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Zeb's amazement, Barack had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Zeb was so proud of Barack that he entered him in the county fair. Barack was an overnight sensation. The judges not only awarded him the No Bell Piece Prize but also the Pullet surprise.
JOE BIDEN: This is the first mainstream chicken that is articulate and bright and clean and has a nice-looking pullet.
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken...What is your definition of crossing?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
| Your Power Bird is a Dove |
 You bring hope and optimism to any dire situation. You are both gentle and affectionate with everyone you love. Truly nurturing, most people consider you to be a mother figure. |
ROTFL!!
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, “What’s up with these chickens?” The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.” The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”
PING
Q: Why did the chicken extend its finger?
A: He was hoping someone would pullet.
(Yeah,pretty bad,I know,I know...so?...:P)
Don;t dream of two-foot marshmellows, then.
I recommend tinypic.com
"So easy even a Democrat can do it"
C- that’s the way you begin
H- that’s the second letter in
I- I am the third
And C is the fourth letter in that word
Well, O - K I’m fill’in in
E- I’m near the end.
Yea, C-H-I-C-K-E-N
That is the way you spell chicken
Roofus Rustas Johnson and Brown
Whatcha gonna do when the rent comes around
Whatcha gonna do and whatcha gonna say
When you can’t pay the rent ‘till the break of day
You know, and I know and everyone knows
That you can’t pay the rent if you ain’t got the dough
Roofus Rustas Johnson and Brown
Whatcha gonna do when the rent comes around
Alas poor yoke, I knew him well!
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