****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****

[Lucky9teen]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

 Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

 Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

 The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


 The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

 The women won.

Here's a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:    
    
1.  A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the carmel ones.
2.  Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.
3.  Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.
4.  Any food item with the words "diet", "light",  or "high fiber" on the label.
5.  Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6.  Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.
7.  Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."
8.  Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9.  Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10.  A gift certificate.
11.  Cash.
12.  Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.        
13.  An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

It'd actually be funnier if it weren't so sickeningly true...


Barrack Obama 2/14/2009 (Valentine Day) Schedule

3:00am Let voice mail pickup the 3:00am call

7:00am In attempt to get Republicans and Democrats working together, have Cupid costumed Biden hand out heart shaped candy on Senate Floor.

8:00am Send McCain a gag Valentine Day card from Sarah Palin

8:15am Send Hillary a gag Valentine Day card from Bill

9:00am Use BarrackBerry to text Oprah a 143 message.

10:00am Issue executive order for new Obama Girl video

11:00am Call into Limbaugh radio show; Tell Rush that new Universal Health plan will now pay for his pills

Noon Read 1432 message back from Oprah

1:00pm Have press secretary release new valentine videotape where Michelle states that she always has loved the United States

2:00pm Sneak Rev Wright in to renew wedding vows.

4:00pm Take Michelle onto Air Force 1 for romantic viewing of DC; With a wink in eye, request pilot to circle city at altitude greater than a mile

5:00pm Call Al Gore to ask for some Carbon Credits, because being Air Force 1 just exceeded annual allotment.

6:00pm Issue Valentines Day executive order removing North Korea, Syria and Iran from Axis of Evil.

7:00pm Tell Michelle that because you are now the president, you didn’t have time to get Valentines Day present.

8:00pm Spend night alone in Lincoln Room.

9:00pm Call Bush (W) to ask him where the pretzels are.

[fredhead]

“Marry a woman that can cook. The sex will wear off but you’ll always be hungry.”
Rodney Dangerfield

[martin_fierro]

[Lucky9teen]

I did my nails just for you...

[Sopater]

I'll be your valentine in just a few more minutes.

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

[april15Bendovr]

[pissant]

A razor and a bit of makeup and she’d be quite hittable.

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[Liberty Valance]

[Dacula]

Thanks Ben, How did you get my picture?

[Squidpup]

[Liberty Valance]

~ *woof* ~

[Dead Corpse]

The ultimate “butter face”.

[llevrok]

Sue is a very young, naive Chinese country girl. As their wedding approaches, she keeps telling he fiancé Lee how nervous she is about their upcoming wedding night, being so naive and inexperienced.

The “sophisticated” city boy Lee, wanting to be the strong husband to lean on, assures her repeatedly that he knows about worldly things as this, not to worry. Still, Sue is nervous.

The wedding comes and is a success. Off to their honeymoon room retire the lovely couple. As they prepare to consummate the marriage, Sue shares her anxiety again. Lee asks her then to say what she is comfortable with and, being the worldly husband, he will provide.

“I want numba 69”, says Sue.

Lee shouts out, ‘Numba 69? Are you clazy? You want bloccoli with beef now??!!!!!”