get a hold of their local DSS office and have their County nurse check on them now and again till somebody gets there, it's free. Prayers up.((((yankeedame))))
I don’t know how to advise you. I do know how to pray for you. Prayers are ascending and I will put you on my prayer list.
Speak to his doctor first. Find out if you’re dealing with alzheimers or what. If he hasn’t been to the doctor, take him. Doctor will have suggestions. Maybe home health, daycare, med revision depending on diagnosis. That’s my suggestion. God bless!
I suggest a member of the family go out there and speak to his doctor and attorney.
Your husband should plan on being with his father within the week.
And he should make a visit with his fathers doctor.
I can almost promise you there are medication problems.
Either too much meds or not enough. There are a thousand things to do, but taking stock of the medical concerns is a MUST!
God Bless you all.
If he has a doctor, call the doctor and ask if there is a local hospice. If so, ask the doctor to have one of their staff evaluate your father in law. Medicare recognizes Alzheimers and Dementias. Your father in law’s condition would have to meet the criteria established for those in order to be admitted to a hospice. Hospice could then offer suggestions, etc to your family. A person only has to have a life limiting illness with an expected prognosis of six months but that doesn’t mean that services would end at six months as long as he continues qualified. Once a person reaches 7 on the Dementia scale, they may remain on hospice as long as needed.
That means you have few options: 1. Hire someone to stay with him in his home or get a family member to do it.
2. Get him to move in with a family member with consideration for what to do with his home.
3. Put him in either an assisted care facility or nursing home.
It doesn't sound like it is safe for him to be alone any more. The best option, if you can afford it and if he is cognizant enough to know where he is would be try to find a way where he can stay in his home and familiar surroundings, but that isn't always possible.
We've had to deal with this in my family and were able to care for the relative in her home.
Here is where it pays to have taken out an extended care policy on your insurance when you are younger. The rates have now skyrocketed for that, but part of the coverage is assisted care in your home.
Prayers up for your family during this time. Contact your local church for some info and contacts within your in-laws community. Try national council on aging, and as others have said get someone out there asap to meet with in-laws and their doctor(s).
You probably can't get them to go to a home if they are feeling independent. You could move there, but that would change many things for you and your husband.
Don't seek to have a living will made up, but seek to have your FIL and MIL make up a will. Possibly having you in-laws establish a person to be in charge of medical issues, though.
Usually, a reverse mortgage is a bad idea, but it could be helpful to get money out of your in-laws’ home to help with the care-related matters. It doesn't sound like your extended family wants to pitch in to pay for things up front.
My own family had to deal with a living will that wanted to take my grandmother off the respirators while there was still a chance things could change, but my mother had them ignore that with the medical power of attorney until things were more certain. With another family member, when her husband's health deteriorated faster than her own, the will he signed had his brother and SIL take care of them both, but then he died and this left things in an awkward position. Only in-laws are caring for our aunt, as they live very close, but they've hired people to come in to take care of things.
You have a lot of things to look into in a rather short amount of time. I hope the best for you and your family.
There is some good advice here, but you need to be aware that with the new privacy laws, his doctor cannot and will not talk with you without written permission from the father.
get a hold of their local DSS office and have their County nurse check on them now and again till somebody gets there, it's free. Prayers up. If it is, talk with Adult Protective Services. See if they can arrange for a psychologist to interview him at his home, without his advance knowledge. If the psychologist finds him not to be competent, then you can pursue guardianship of him and his estate. That gives you the legal basis to control him and get him to live in an assisted living facility, if that is the best answer. These are the steps I have been forced to take with my elderly father, who is suffering from vascular dementia, but appears OK in a casual conversation.
This is a must have!
If decisions are made...hard choices, etc....this gives the sibling, siblings the authority to do what is needed.
Similar issues with us in California and my family in rural NY state. I learned that the County Office of the Aging there is very involved with elder issues. Maybe you can contact them. They can get you focused and let you know what types of things need to be done.
As another posted, the HIPAA laws now prohibit medical personnel to give info without the individual’s written consent. I’d get that first so when/if things become progressively worse, at least you can be informed.
Also, the belligerant actions and paranoia are what my FIL experience when Alzheimer’s was diagnosed. He was never Mr. Sweetness And Light, so the move from normal to Alzheimers wasn’t easy to spot.
Prayers...
I am not an expert on this but can only relate what went on with my mother who passed away at age 97.
At age 86, she started having many mini strokes due to restrictions in her Carotid artery.
Her restrictions were temporary, called a transient ischemic attack’s (TIA)
She had a stroke and fell breaking her hip.
She also started having short-term memory loss.
My brothers and sisters also did not want to take charge, so it was left up to me to make the decisions.
No matter how much your FIL’s siblings do not want to take charge some one for the benefit of all concerned will have to make decisions.
Be aware even though the other children will not want to make the decisions about what happens with your FIL they may make judgments and have hurt feelings.
One of the toughest decisions I made was placing my mother in an assisted environment.
Since you took the time to post this thread, I can see that you are very concerned.
Please also be aware that if you allow your husband to do nothing he will after your FIL’s passing, have regrets.
With my mother, Doc gave me encouragement to make what I considered tough decisions.
As a physician, she has better insight into aging than I do.
Her encouragement and support was such that to this day I have no regrets with the decisions that had to be made concerning mother.
I hope this little bit helps and may God give you strength with what most families have to eventually face.
Contact his doctor to get him checked out and find an assisted living facility. The doctor should be able to help. I’d also drop everything and get there soon.
My friends took their mom to Institute on aging in Indianapolis. Her mom got a complete medical and mental evaluation and then they met with the family and advised the family on the best way to take care of mom. She could not say enough good things about this and the best thing is that everyone involved was communication with each other.
They worked with Diane Healy MD
Institute On Aging And St
8402 Harcourt Rd Ste 513
Indianapolis, IN 46260
Phone: (317) 338-2460
http://www.stvincent.org/ourservices/seniors/indy/default.htm
I realize you may not be able to come to Indy but they may be able to tell you of a place similar to this in your area....
best of luck and prayers.....
MFL was a retired Col, and no one in the family lived close to him, his wife was deceased, we just had to move to where he was , and take care of him.
Medication could be the reason for his aggressiveness and confusion. I know MFL got some anti depressants from the Veterans group, that were causing him to hallucinate. Once he was off of those he was okay.
Eventually , someone in the family will just have to step in and take over. It will not be easy, but it will be necessary.
One other thing, there are some agencies that will help you with aging parents ..as far as the issues, check into those, to see what your options are.
From the way you explain it there is nothing you or your husband can do; find someone who is willing and capable to intercede to determine the true nature and scope of the problem.