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I am stunned. This beautiful Girl Scout Mom, this sweet-natured woman who loved me, this beautiful, talented professional -- is none of those things. I am now moving on, but it is hard.
1 posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

Save the child, now.


43 posted on 04/23/2008 10:24:22 AM PDT by gathersnomoss (General George Patton had it right.)
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To: Lazamataz
Turn Around.

RUN!

Don't look back.

46 posted on 04/23/2008 10:28:03 AM PDT by Species8472 (If 50 million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing)
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To: Lazamataz
That is tough man. Hang in there. I have been through something similar but on a much smaller and less tragic scale. It really makes you doubt yourself with the ‘how did I not see this’ and the ‘what did I do wrong’. You need to spend a bunch of time focusing on yourself and being happy with were you are in life to build your self confidence back up a bit.
The problem is getting to emotionally involve with someone before being sure who they are all the way through. And I am not talking about sex on the first date or anything. I mean there is a ton to learn about someone and you have to stay 100% objective (impossible, but that is the goal) until you are 100% sure they are the one for you. Jump too soon and your heart overrides all the warning signs. Then you don't see the little things until they start piling up much later. It is not that they were not there. AND it is not that you are so imperceptive that you can't read people. It is that the emotions cloud judgment. Not just in you but in me and everyone. How many times have you heard a story about someone drastically changing after a relationship starts? I have lots of times. It is not so much that they change out of the clear blue as that the other person had compromised judgment and could not see it coming.
Make a list of the things you absolutely can't compromise on and don't give any woman a second look who does not meet it. But slack off on the 'supermodel body' category since that fades over time for everyone. Don't hesitate to put real character traits on there. Also you must absolutely meet the woman's friends and family. You can learn a TON about someone by listening to what they say about another behind their back and then meeting that other person and making your own judgments. If your judgments don't match what you were told there is a problem in there somewhere. Also focus on the causes when making your list and not the effects. Beautiful is not the same as 'not slovenly'. Sweet natured to you and nice is not as useful as 'chooses her friends well.' 'Talented professional' is nothing 'smart' and 'thoughtful'.
Hang in there man, it is not you. Above all avoid guilt. You should not be in a relationship to rehabilitate someone. Don't ever think you can solve their problems. Assume their issues are hear to stay and then decide if the issue is a veto factor or if you can live with it. Don't marry for charity.

Have a beer on us and try not to stew about it. She is adult enough to make her own mistakes. Rent a movie or something and try not to think about it too hard.
55 posted on 04/23/2008 10:32:16 AM PDT by TalonDJ
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To: Lazamataz

Laz, you were in love with an idea or impression of who you thought this woman was you were never in love with her.

Been there, done that with an ex-wife. Once I was willing to accept that it was the idea of who I thought she was that I was in love with and not the actual person things got very easy, very quickly.

Shortly you will look back on your time with her and thank god you saw her for who she really is and not who you thought she was before you married her.

If you think it’s hard now just imagine how hard it would have been to have that nightmare living in your home with you when she went bad.


58 posted on 04/23/2008 10:33:22 AM PDT by Anonymous Rex ( For Rent)
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To: Lazamataz
I could tell you were going through a crisis after your break-up with her. Your post on FR has changed dramatically.

I've been waiting for you to post an article such as this. I'm sorry you're hurting. God bless you, Laz.

62 posted on 04/23/2008 10:36:20 AM PDT by processing please hold ( "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.")
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To: Lazamataz

Well before you move on, I’d call child services and jsut anonymously report whats going on. One thing mommy wants to flush her life down the toilet, she has no right to take her kids with her.

Having her kids taken away will either straighten her up, or show that she’s incapable of doing so.


63 posted on 04/23/2008 10:37:28 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: Lazamataz
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.

Being "judgemental" saved your keester - - count your blessings.

65 posted on 04/23/2008 10:38:38 AM PDT by GOPJ (Dew knot tryst yore spill chequer too ketch awl yore miss takes... Freeper backhoe)
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To: Lazamataz
Rule #1 - NEVER, EVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER!!!!!!

Repeat - NEVER, EVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER!!!!!!

Maybe a widow or when your in your late 50’s and her kids are already grown you can make an exception but other than those - Stay far away from single mothers. Especially one that's never been married.

Remember they got to be single mothers because they wanted the exciting bad boy/player/thug and after the “Jerk” inevitably leaves then they will seek out the nice guy. You will never be anything to a single mother, all she will see in you is a wallet to pay for her kid(s) and given the opportunity she will always go back to the the jerk. Even if she doesn't, you will always be the consolation prize and she will never respect you.

Don't believe the media that single mothers are noble creatures overcoming extreme hardship after being the poor victim of some evil man. They are not, they made their choices and they are responsible for their situation.

Sure, someone will post on how wonderful their stepdad was. That was then, this is now. Back then, the thing to do was get married right out of high school and pump out babies and plus there was limited opportunities for women for anything else, so yeah it's easy to see how a good woman back then could have easily gotten herself stuck with the wrong guy. But today, women have all the choices in the world, there's no reason for a woman to get stuck with anybody. If they had a kid with a bad guy, it's because they wanted to!!!

Again, Never, Ever date a single mother you will save yourself a lot of grief. It is better to be alone.

66 posted on 04/23/2008 10:39:19 AM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: Lazamataz

There are plenty of people here on FReepers who will tell you that receational drugs do no harm. A lot of them are Pauliacs. I’ve seen far to many people destroy themselves with drugs over the years your having an up close and personal demonsration. Be very careful there are so many ways that you can be hurt by her addiction.


68 posted on 04/23/2008 10:40:56 AM PDT by fella (Is he al-taquiya or is he murtadd? Only his iman knows for sure.)
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To: Lazamataz

I am from the rural parts of Alabma...but left over 30 years ago. I rarely go back...maybe once every two to three years. There in the rural parts...where most folks were fairly religious and life was rather simple...an amusing assortment of drugs are walking hand in hand through the rural parts...and destroying piece by piece of what I knew.

First you have meth...which folks get addicted to and cannot get off. Then you have simple old grass...which is now a very common item amongst the 30 to 50 year olds. Then you have oxie...which is the pain relief you turn to from high school or college football...which you take the first prescription you get from the regular doctor and then the other prescriptions you get from assorted other doctors. You feel no pain, but you don’t think in a coherent fashion either.

My dad lives on a farm...where nothing used to be strange. Up north of the house...some folks built a house and five years later...the wife (five kids) had issues with meth. She got upset one night with the husband who was in the lazyboy, and pulled a butcher knife and tried to slit his throat. She cut enough for it to bleed but not kill him. They caught her the next day...but he would press charges. The gal ran off a dozen times after that...with truckers mostly...making runs out to Texas and back (picking up drugs I would guess).

There was a shooting on the main rural road six years ago...some guy on meth who got upset because some guy passed him on the main road. One dead driver...the meth guy was sent off to prison. Most folks couldn’t comprehend that one.

I have my brother who sees a house or two in the community robbed each week...primarily with teenagers who need to score and just need $40 to make the grade. It used to be rare to see one robbery a month back in the 1980s...but thats all changed.

The oxie fools...can’t quit the pain-reliever because they have too much pain and suffering...and rehab just won’t work. So they stand in front of you at the grocery store....smiling like a cheeser cat...for no reason...or totally out of focus to comprehend anything difficult.

So its all sliding down into a nightmare....with no relief. I don’t see nothing getting better. We are going to find dreams mostly jagged and worth little in the future.


70 posted on 04/23/2008 10:42:52 AM PDT by pepsionice
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To: Lazamataz

You’re lucky to see this in a short time. I waited until I was married 5 years before the symptoms developed. If you bring them out slowly the man usually doesn’t notice until he’s too old or too lazy to care.


73 posted on 04/23/2008 10:44:57 AM PDT by purpleraine
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To: Lazamataz
Count your blessings and run like Hell.

She could easily have dragged you into the chemical abyss.

75 posted on 04/23/2008 10:48:25 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Islam is a religion of peace, and Muslims reserve the right to kill anyone who says otherwise.)
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To: Lazamataz

Now all the suicide pics make sense. Hang in there brother, Jesus Christ saves, if you let Him.


77 posted on 04/23/2008 10:51:54 AM PDT by stevio (Crunchy Con - God, guns, guts, and organically grown crunchy nuts.)
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To: Lazamataz

Ahh, man, that sux. I too have seen what crack can do, and it ain’t pretty. Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing, but the hard thing too, by moving on and taking care of yourself. Hang in there, my FRiend. I will be praying for you.


78 posted on 04/23/2008 10:52:48 AM PDT by Hegemony Cricket (Act Swiftly Awesome Pachyderm!)
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To: Lazamataz
Oh, Laz. I am so, so sorry. I'll keep you in my prayers.

And I agree with the above -- count your blessings that she did not drag you back into the horror of active addiction.

81 posted on 04/23/2008 10:55:38 AM PDT by Malacoda (A day without a pi$$ed-off muslim is like a day without sunshine.)
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To: Lazamataz
Photobucket
83 posted on 04/23/2008 10:56:27 AM PDT by Dick Vomer (liberals suck....... but it depends on what your definition of the word "suck" is.,)
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To: Lazamataz
Good gosh, Laz. What a horrible story.

My theory of life has always been, if you truly want to be a good person, surround yourself with better people.

This poor soul is clearly a train wreck. Aside from calling child protective services and having her thrown in jail where she might clean up, here's nothing more you can do than pray for her.

I'll pray for her--and you--too.

May Almighty God bless and strengthen you.
86 posted on 04/23/2008 10:57:17 AM PDT by Antoninus (Tell us how you came to Barack?)
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To: Lazamataz

Hey Laz, long time no chat.

Things were going so well for you when we were at WTP. Sorry this had to happen. On the bright side, you got out before she took you down with her.


90 posted on 04/23/2008 11:02:45 AM PDT by Tatze (I'm in a state of taglinelessness!)
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To: Lazamataz
Prayers for you and for your friend.

We are all basket cases, and prone to fall into the abyss of sin and destruction.
We need to read Genesis 3 about our first parents, and understand that we've all inherited the disease that they fell into -- but magnified and mutated over the generations:
'Eve saw that it was good for food, pleasant to the eye, and something to be desired to make one wise...' and her husband Adam went along and chose to follow 'mankind' rather than God'. So yes, we all have a tendency to look at something from its outside appearances and imagine that it'll be really good for us. We all are attracted by the things that sparkle. We all want to go our own ways - and not the path which God has shown us. We all feel the tug of the world - and don't walk in the light of God's Word.
But we have to remember that even though Adam and Eve had disobeyed, and thus had justly received the condemnation of death and banishment from the Garden - God remembered them: 'Unto Adam and his wife, the Lord God made coats of skins, and clothed them'...He did not leave them alone.
We are all sinners - come to Jesus just as you are and rest on Him. He is our covering, and He'll gladly cover our sins by His Righteousness.
He'll get you through the storms of life.

Romans 5
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

93 posted on 04/23/2008 11:03:35 AM PDT by El Cid (Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house...)
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To: Lazamataz
Wow. I never ever saw a serious post in a thread from you! ....and you post this? I think there is hope for you yet! lol

I also think you need to run as far away from her as possible....before she sucks you in again....because I think you are capable of it. Just learn and run. You can't help her.

94 posted on 04/23/2008 11:03:51 AM PDT by Fawn (Judge Judy Rules.)
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