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That is tough man. Hang in there. I have been through something similar but on a much smaller and less tragic scale. It really makes you doubt yourself with the ‘how did I not see this’ and the ‘what did I do wrong’. You need to spend a bunch of time focusing on yourself and being happy with were you are in life to build your self confidence back up a bit.
The problem is getting to emotionally involve with someone before being sure who they are all the way through. And I am not talking about sex on the first date or anything. I mean there is a ton to learn about someone and you have to stay 100% objective (impossible, but that is the goal) until you are 100% sure they are the one for you. Jump too soon and your heart overrides all the warning signs. Then you don't see the little things until they start piling up much later. It is not that they were not there. AND it is not that you are so imperceptive that you can't read people. It is that the emotions cloud judgment. Not just in you but in me and everyone. How many times have you heard a story about someone drastically changing after a relationship starts? I have lots of times. It is not so much that they change out of the clear blue as that the other person had compromised judgment and could not see it coming.
Make a list of the things you absolutely can't compromise on and don't give any woman a second look who does not meet it. But slack off on the 'supermodel body' category since that fades over time for everyone. Don't hesitate to put real character traits on there. Also you must absolutely meet the woman's friends and family. You can learn a TON about someone by listening to what they say about another behind their back and then meeting that other person and making your own judgments. If your judgments don't match what you were told there is a problem in there somewhere. Also focus on the causes when making your list and not the effects. Beautiful is not the same as 'not slovenly'. Sweet natured to you and nice is not as useful as 'chooses her friends well.' 'Talented professional' is nothing 'smart' and 'thoughtful'.
Hang in there man, it is not you. Above all avoid guilt. You should not be in a relationship to rehabilitate someone. Don't ever think you can solve their problems. Assume their issues are hear to stay and then decide if the issue is a veto factor or if you can live with it. Don't marry for charity.

Have a beer on us and try not to stew about it. She is adult enough to make her own mistakes. Rent a movie or something and try not to think about it too hard.