In the interests of full disclosure, I, too, had a cocaine-drug habit until 2005.
It’s weird. I don’t know what to think. A big part of my life has been ripped from me.
I’ve seen this before with people/women.
They have a very rough background, have self destructive behaviors, but are able to appear normal in certain settings.
A good thing comes along, and they’re happy for a short period, but then the old nagging “you’re not good enough” jumps back to the fore, and they unconsciously sabotage this good thing that has come along in their life.
You have to move on, pray for her, and put her in the “God box” to be taken care of.
A friend of mine is compiling a list of “get to know you” questions that he’s having his sons and daughters discuss with any future mate before they get emotionally committed. Sounds like a good strategy, in conjunction with group settings for meeting people.
Whew! Looks like you dodged a bullet. God certainly shielded you from a blood sucker!
I know it has been hard for you, but at least now you can change the picture of her in your own mind.
Laz........
My all-time favorite fortune cookie fortune reads:
“It was all so different before everything changed.”
Sounds like my house in college! Other than the crack bags.
She’s running for president.......
And I’ll bet she votes democrat.
You sound like you’re a bit judgemental. Some things you just have to let roll off you.
Hey Lazamataz
I don’t think we’ve engaged much in Forum, you and me.
It sounds to me like this girl would be just fine except for the drugs. Her issue is the drugs. You were not to know that when you met her. She had a past, and he included drugs.
Not your fault: she probably cannot be fixed. Move on, and be thankful you found out. You deserve better.
She may fix herself: you can’t do it for her. Time to move on.
Sorry to hear about that man. Hang in there.
The Dr. Phil Show is down the hall to the right... ;-)
I hear ya, Laz. We all have to be far more careful these days than ever before.
But at least you avoided marriage! The REALLY scary thing lately is how quickly people are changing within a marriage. You could be married to a good, conservative, level-headed spouse one day, and wake up months later and discover they’ve become a moonbat. The influences on people these days — whether they be other people, mass media, or whatever — can alter a person you thought you knew so quickly.
Hang in there. We’re all in this together! (Channeling Red Green)
You need to recognize and be thankful for God’s blessings.
That all of this happened before you married her is a blessing. Cut the strings and move on. And don’t rush into anything. You’d think an intelligent guy like Rush Limbaugh would learn, but he doesn’t and keeps getting involved in losers.
A sharp knife cuts the cleanest. I mean that metaphorically, of course. Just cut her out of your life and be done with it.
Use your free time to better yourself, in whatever capacity you deem that appropriate.
And, again, count your blessings.
I am sorry you are going through this. I have had friends who have gone down that road too. I refuse to help them. I tried that & it has never worked. I would change my locks if she has any keys & don’t give her any money. Prayers for her & for you...Pandy
Stay strong, my man.
Drugs and any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Been there, dun that. Thank God it’s been a couple decades since I wised up.
I also dated a woman who was mildly into drugs at the time. A true stunner, that one. Probably the single most beautiful woman I ever saw, and I’m not exaggerating... tall, long brown hair, ice blue eyes, Irish Catholic all the way.
Saw her about a year later, she had gotten way more into the drugs and looked like a train wreck.
Alot of women these days are pretty high maintenance. If you can find one that truly appreciates the little things, you’ve found a gold mine. You’ll see it in her eyes and know.
Other than that, Laz, I would say she was your perfect match!
It looks like you are seriously hurting right now. Thank goodness there weren’t any kids involved. Although it’s hard you need to mentally move on. Just understand that we each pick the lessons we subject ourselves to and your ex appears to have picked a really rough one to tackle. You need to trust that she will sort it out in her own way. Treat this as a learning experience and look for the life lessons you can take away from this.
Best of luck.
Laz,
Let me ask you a question - what were you looking for when you met her? Did you give yourself enough time to get to know her before you started talking marriage, or did you fall in love with an image of what you wanted that prevented you from pulling the curtain back and seeing what was really there?
I’m not lecturing you because I have definitely been there and done that more times than I care to admit. Years ago, when a really bad “relationship” ended after 9+ years, I put myself out to pasture so I could take a long look at me and get to know who I was. After a long string of failed relationships, the one common element in all of them was me.
6 years later, I was ready to date again. I found my wife and we got married and have remained happily so for over 14 years. Sometimes, we create images in our minds that interfere with us seeing what is right in front of us because we don’t want to see those things. Fortunately for me, the image I had of my wife matched the reality.
I’m sorry your relationship ended the way that it did - it’s a bitter pill to swallow. By the same token, at least you found out BEFORE you tied the know with her.
Good luck.