What happens when the woman of your dreams is a nightmare?

Apr 23, 2008 | By Lazamataz

[Lazamataz]

I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.

About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.

Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.

Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.

I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.

Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.

She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.

Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.

Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.

She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.

She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.

[Lazamataz]

Sometimes, only high explosives will solve a relationship issue.

[Lazamataz]

It got weird. You were right.

[Lazamataz]

If you guys had only fixed me up with a GOOD woman!

[fatima]

(((Hugs)))Who loves you Laz.

[Lazamataz]

You were right all along. You always told me you didn't like her and I could do better.

Well I don't have a chick right now, but I'm doing better. LOL

[Guenevere]

I tried.
I distinctly remember advising you to seek your woman in a church setting...(& yes I know that isn't always infallible, but its better than most)

Laz, friend, discernment comes with wisdom, and wisdom comes from the Word of God.

It's not too late.....it's never too late.

Having said this, I am truly sorry she wasn't the one......I really wanted her to be.

God bless you.

[Lazamataz]

On our first date, she took me to a church revival!

I tried!

[fatima]

:)Give it time.Your a nice guy.

[Guenevere]

I suspected as much (from what you said a long time ago)...
..so that's why I qualified my answer.

Well, friend Laz, don't give up....you can't give up....

There is someone out there for you....

..Pray daily, and ask God's help!!!!

[Lazamataz]

Proof of the fact I am a nice guy is that I consistantly finish last.

[dighton]

In the interests of full disclosure, I, too, had a cocaine-drug habit until 2005.

Congrats for peeling off that monkey, and wishing you all success in keeping it off.

[fatima]

Oh wow I just read the header.I am going to pray for her Laz. and I am going to pray for you.Hang in there FRiend.

[Guenevere]

I must leave for a few days....

Laz, I will keep you in prayer.....you are very worthy, unique and wonderful!

[SeaHawkFan]

Read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0060929448/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

[blondatheart]

Pardon me, it seems that you have been burnt by a single mother. I was a single mother. Yes, I got involved with the wrong person. Yes, I was into Meth. My daughter was 4 months old when I left her father and cleaned up my life. I spent my time, learning about myself and taking care of my daughter. I bought my first house when she was 2 years old. I lived next door to my parents to where she did not have to go into daycare. I worked my tail off to provide for my daughter the best that I could. The place I work for has good insurance and I did not take hand outs from the government. I was single for 6 years when I met my husband. I make more than him and had my own home. I did not want his money or need it. We have been together for 5 years and have added two sons to our family. He has adopted my daughter as his own.

[The SISU kid]

Proof of the fact I am a nice guy is that I consistantly finish last.

Nice guys may APPEAR to finish last, but it's only because they are running in a different race!

8^)

[A_perfect_lady]

She didn’t feel at the core of her being that she deserved the respectful and loving way I treated her so in her own mind she didn’t see it as done for her, but done for my imaginary woman for which she was a symbol. All poppycock. Love is a decision and everyone is loveable and hateable. If you commit to love someone (like your spouse), you focus on the good and try to look past the bad. That doesn’t make the person you “love” a figment of your imagination. It just makes you a loving person that keeps their word.

That is so good! I'm glad I read that!

[Southack]

"Proof of the fact I am a nice guy is that I consistantly finish last."

I tried to finish last one time just to prove that I was nice; didn't work. I still won.

It's a curse.

[Lazamataz]

So now that you read that, you are all cured and better and stuff.

Let’s get married.

[Lazamataz]

So you are a former meth user? Great! I’m a recovering addict too! Let’s make our lives mutually miserable! :)