Posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.
About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.
Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.
I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.
Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.
She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.
Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.
Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.
She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.
She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.
Don't forget that thought when thoughts of "what might have been" start occupying your mind. Until you really let go those longing thoughts will keep coming back but what I quoted above is reality. You should look at having been able to clearly see that for yourself as evidence that you are making progress too. It is easy to start thinking "I haven't changed" when in actuality you have.
Heh - Easter gifts my heiny - the hilarious nuggets you continually post (even on this thread) are gift enough for me! You do realize that you have one of the sharpest wits on FR, despite all the formidable competition...
Go on with life and do the things you enjoy, i.e. whatever your hobbies are. You’ll meet the right person when you least expect it.
Wow, thought that was Yul Brynner for a moment there.
Course Yul wouldn’t be smiling, nor wearing mauve.
LMAO, love that “IPW” card on your homepage. Classic.
My hobbies are smuggling and mortgage fraud.
I will meet the right person when I least expect it -- in my prison cell.
I know, trust me. Problem is, you’re never quite ready when they throw the keys to the handcuffs out the window...
Hey...thursday is “bring your kids ot work day”!
Maybe JRBC can dress in that Catholic School Girl outfit she wore a couple of Halloweens ago and...
..oh never mind.
Get a new hobby. Porn, maybe?
I know a couple who attend a Celebrate Recovery thing at their church. Neither were involved in drugs, it was all emotional stuff that they were dealing with, but the steps and support they've gotten from recovering methheads, hookers, and other types has been helpful and encouraging. But whether it's emotional or a physical addiction, they all agree that Jesus can bring them through it. Hang in there, bud. You're appreciated, cared about, and prayed for.
Thanks muchly.
shhhhh, you weren’t supposed to tell.
You asked the question in the title...”what happens when...?”
Well, speakign form very recent experience...
-you get your heart broken
-you see that thsi person is the creature of theri own making...not ours
-you feel terribly sorry to see here destroy herself
-you recognize that if she doesn’t want to help her, you certainly can’t.
-you recognize that since she care so little for herself, how can you expect her to care for you? You can’t expect it.
-you steel your heart for a bit more hurt and confusion to come as you heal.
-you change your habits ot include new activites that restore YOUR soul and YOUR self worth. You cannot change hers, but you can build yours. Do that.
-You steer clear of places and circumstances where you’d see her, or hear from her.
-As time goes on, you ask about her less and less. You vist her myspace page less and less. You check up her less and less.
-As time goes on, you let her go.
Someone here at FR gave me some very good advice. Freeper AperfectLady warned me that my X owuld turn up at a later date appealign for “help” and that she would attmpt to manipulate my emotions. She was 100% correct. It happened. A couple of times.
Be forewarned. Steel your heart.
My pastor has said that it is beter to be single nad happy than married to Miss Wrong.
And when Miss Right comes along, you do not want her to see Miss Wrong on your arm.
Best wishes friend.
Now get your a$$ back to church this Sunday!
;0)
Sorry to hear this Laz. I remember seeing a post where you mentioned you had met someone special. Sorry it didn’t work out, but glad you didn’t find out after you married her. IIRC, you are a gun owner - be careful about bogus restraining orders and such if she decides to get nasty. You could lose your firearms.
A perfect lady and I have been flirtatious for many years here. I owe her an apology. In one of Karen-and-my infamous and steady ‘cycles’, I approached a_p_l on the ‘down side’ of one of those cycles. It was unfair to her. When the Karen/Larry engine kicked back in, I was right back off with Karen.
Please accept my apology.
On a more practical note, yes, change your locks.
Be thankful, you dodged a bullet.
AAACK!
Leave it to me to unknowlingly step on my own...necktie!
oops..no offense intended.
~slinking away~
spelchek is my frend
spelchek is my friend
spellcheck is my frend
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