Posted on 03/23/2008 11:36:40 PM PDT by nw_arizona_granny
Americans finding soaring food prices hard to stomach can battle back by growing their own food. [Click image for a larger version] Dean Fosdick Dean Fosdick
Home vegetable gardens appear to be booming as a result of the twin movements to eat local and pinch pennies.
At the Southeastern Flower Show in Atlanta this winter, D. Landreth Seed Co. of New Freedom, Pa., sold three to four times more seed packets than last year, says Barb Melera, president. "This is the first time I've ever heard people say, 'I can grow this more cheaply than I can buy it in the supermarket.' That's a 180-degree turn from the norm."
Roger Doiron, a gardener and fresh-food advocate from Scarborough, Maine, said he turned $85 worth of seeds into more than six months of vegetables for his family of five.
A year later, he says, the family still had "several quarts of tomato sauce, bags of mixed vegetables and ice-cube trays of pesto in the freezer; 20 heads of garlic, a five-gallon crock of sauerkraut, more homegrown hot-pepper sauce than one family could comfortably eat in a year and three sorts of squash, which we make into soups, stews and bread."
[snipped]
She compares the current period of market uncertainty with that of the early- to mid-20th century when the concept of victory gardens became popular.
"A lot of companies during the world wars and the Great Depression era encouraged vegetable gardening as a way of addressing layoffs, reduced wages and such," she says. "Some companies, like U.S. Steel, made gardens available at the workplace. Railroads provided easements they'd rent to employees and others for gardening."
(Excerpt) Read more at dallasnews.com ...
Apple Pie Bread
3 c flour
1 c sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 1/2 c milk
1 egg
2 Tbs. oil
1 1/2 c apples-unpeeled and diced
Preheat oven to 350*. Grease 9x5 inch loaf pan. Mix
together wet ingredients with the dry ones until well
blended. Pour into loaf pan and bake for 1 hour and 20 min.
Survival Soup
Recipe By :Cynthia Hizer
Serving Size : 4 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Soups/Stews
Amount Measure Ingredient — Preparation Method
———— —————— ————————————————
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 onion — thinly sliced
5 garlic cloves — minced
1/4 head green cabbage — shredded
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 packages ramen noodles
thinly shaved fresh ginger — for garnish
(optional)
Heat the olive oil in a skillet. Add the onion and garlic and cook 1
minute. Add the cabbage and soy sauce and toss. Add enough water so
there
is a thin layer of water on the bottom, about 2 tablespoons. If the
water
evaporates, add enough more so that a constant stream of steam is
coming
off the vegetables. Cook for 5 minutes. While the cabbage is cooking,
bring 4 cups of water to a boil, add the packages of ramen noodles.
Boil
for 1 minute, turn off the heat and let sit. Add the seasoning packets.
As the noodles soften, if the broth seems too thick, add more water to
make it soupy. To serve, spoon the cabbage mixture into bowls and top
with the ramen broth. Pass the ginger at the table.
Source:
“The Atlanta Journal-Constitution 3/23/00”
SURVIVAL KIT FOR EVERY DAY LIVING
ITEMS NEEDED
Toothpick
Rubber Band
Band Aid
Pencil
Eraser
Chewing Gum
Mint
Candy Kiss
Tea Bag
WHY???????
1) TOOTHPICK - To remind you to pick out the good qualities in
others.
2) RUBBER BAND - To remind you to be flexible, things might not
always
go the way you want but it will work out.
3) BAND AID - To remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or
someone
else’s.
4) PENCIL - To remind you to list your blessings everyday.
5) ERASER - To remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and its
OK.
6) CHEWING GUM - To remind you to stick with it and you can
accomplish anything.
7) MINT - To remind you that you are worth a mint.
8) CANDY KISS - To remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug
everyday.
9) TEA BAG - To remind you to relax daily and reflect on all the
positive things in your life. A verbal wound is as bad as a
physical one.
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and
encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, share a word of
praise and they always open their hearts to us.
Zucchini Applesauce Spice Cake
Aroma and flavour go hand in hand.
Ingredients:
1 bag (14 oz.) Gluten-Free Pantry Spice Cake Mix
1 egg plus 1 white, beaten
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup (scant) unsweetened applesauce
1 cup (scant) grated zucchini, un drained
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine all ingredients.
Pour into a lightly oiled 9-x-5-inch loaf pan.
Bake 45 minutes. Cool in pan for 10 min.
Turn onto wire rack and cool completely.
Slice and enjoy.
Jenn B
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Make_it_Gluten_Free
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Make_Your_Own_Crafts
CASSEROLE ONION BREAD,
1 cup milk sub (liquid)
3 Tbs. sugar
1 Tbs. salt
1 1/2 Tbs. CF margarine
1/4 cup warm water
2 packages Active Dry Yeast
1 cup minced onions
4 cups sifted GF flour blend
Scald 1 cup milk; stir in 3 Tbs. sugar, 1 Tbs. salt and 1 1/2 Tbs.
margarine. Cool to lukewarm. Measure 1/4 cup warm water into warm
bowl. Sprinkle in 2 packages active dry yeast; stir until dissolved.
Add lukewarm milk mixture, 1 cup minced onions and 4 cups sifted GF
flour. Stir until blended, about 2 minutes. Cover. Let rise in warm
place, free from draft until more than doubled in bulk, about 45
minutes. Stir batter down. Beat vigorously, about 1 minute. Turn into
greased 11 quart casserole or 2 9x5x3 inch loaf pans. Bake uncovered
in a moderate oven (375° F.) about 1 hour
Jenn B
Flourless Peanut Butter Cookies
It says ungreased cookie sheet.. I spray mine or else they never come
up with any cookie I make.. I was looking for a soft peanut butter
cookie recipe.. This was as close as I could get.. Hubby liked them so
its a keeper for next year or maybe through out the year if he wants
more..
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon Vanilla
Mix all ingredients together. If you find the dough a bit cumbly, add
water one tablespoon at a time until dough comes together. Rolla into
1 inch balls and place 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
Gently press each cookie with a fork. Bake for 10 minutes at 350
degrees. Cool for 1 to 2 minutes on cookie sheet. Makes 20 to 24
cookies. Cookies will keep up to 5 days in an airtight container..
Nutrition Facts
User Entered Recipe
24 Servings
Amount Per Serving
Calories 100.5
Total Fat 5.8 g
Saturated Fat 1.2 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 1.5 g
Monounsaturated Fat 2.7 g
Cholesterol 11.5 mg
Sodium 53.6 mg
Potassium 75.6 mg
Total Carbohydrate 10.5 g
Dietary Fiber 0.6 g
Sugars 8.3 g
Protein 3.0 g
Jenn B
Curried Rice Salad
Recipe By :The Entertaining Survival Guide: A Handbook for the
Hesitant
Host by Lora Brody
Serving Size : 8 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories :
Amount Measure Ingredient — Preparation Method
———— —————— ————————————————
1 cup mayonnaise (regular or no-fat)
2 teaspoons curry powder
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 Granny Smith apples — peeled and coarsely
chopped
Juice and rind of 1 lemon
3 cups cooked white or brown rice (about 1 cup
uncooked rice) — prepared according to package
directions, cooled
16 ounces pineapple chunks (1 can) — drained
**OR**
1 1/4 cups fresh pineapple — cut into 1/2” pieces
1/2 cup golden raisins
1 cup slivered almonds
16 ounces mandarin orange sections, drained (1 can),
or fresh clementine or seedless tangerine
sections — for garnish
In a small bowl, mix together the mayonnaise, curry powder and soy
sauce.
Set aside.
Place the chopped apple in a large serving bowl and add the lemon
juice and
rind, tossing to coat. Add the rice, pineapple, raisins and almonds
and mix
well. Toss the rice mixture with the dressing. Garnish with the
oranges.
Serve immediately or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.
Makes 8 to 10 servings.
Source:
“The Herald/11/30/94”
S(MC Formatted by):
“Donna
My daughter is gung-ho on this. But instead of a Victory Garden, she’s calling it a FREEDOM FARM!
Your Daughter is wise, Freedom Farm is the best name that I have heard for the goals of most here.
Welcome and please join in the thread.
The question for today, that I do not know a perfect answer to, is:
How do you keep chickens out of the garden?
Laughing, and thinking that I should have said “Fry them for dinner!”
My first hit was a chicken tractor!
http://www.permaculture.org.au/topics/images/chooks/chook4.jpg
Boy that one is fancy.
I have used a simple cage, a couple feet high and maybe 3 x6 or 8 foot long, to keep mama and chicks away from things that would eat them, or to be sure they got all the bugs in one spot, it can be pushed/slid along the ground, but never as fancy as the one you found, which would be wonderful, if you wanted to keep the breeds separate.
The real problem with NCPariot’s chickens, is it is her garden and the neighbors chickens.
I was headed to google in a few minutes, to see if they had the answer.
I sit here smiling, as I can hear Bill sitting on his cloud and thinking “Yes, I knew that she would want me to build her a half dozen, and at last, I don’t have to build any more cages.”
[a quickie idea, one of those that Bill hated], would be to use a child’s swing set for the frame, they are often found cheap at garage sales, and add chicken wire and up in no time.
Or even the plastic pipes, would work to build the frame in an
“A” shape.
Did you guess, that I do not handle a hammer very well?
My fingers always get in the way, of the nail head contact.
Of course, I had to look at Freedom Farm, all over the place, but several on the first page that i want to see:
Chicken tractor “Doll house for chickens”:
Reading the links, has me laughing:
A shotgun will work, lots of ideas here, not all good, but still ideas:
Sweet Freedom Farm
***Your New Mexico Chile Connection***
*Featuring the Highest Quality Bulk Chile Pods, Chile Powders and Flakes*
*Southwest and Mexican Spices*
[and seeds]
http://www.sweetfreedomfarm.com/
[From Freema’s link, good article]
http://www.permaculture.org.au/topics/self-sufficiency.php
[end of article]
No one maintains the bush, but it keeps on feeding countless species. Once you establish a self sufficient system it should keep feeding you... and feeding you... and keep growing in productivity and beauty.
Why Grow Your Own?
I like growing our own food. It makes life richer. If you buy potatoes from the supermarket that’s all you get - potatoes. This evening’s spuds give memories too - grubbing them up with Edward this morning and listening to the lyrebird sing and smelling the soft damp soil. I remember Bryan mulching them with the wild oats he’d mown in the asparagus patch (and accidentally mowing the asparagus too). I remember when the spuds were first planted, years ago, and Mrs Hobbins down the road showed me how to bandicoot them so you always had a crop. There are a million memories in those potatoes.
There is something deeply satisfying in working with life’s necessities - crops and shelter, children, other species.
There are other reasons, too, for growing your own. There is the knowledge that we as a household did not contribute to the Bhopal disaster, or any other of the tragedies that go to making pesticides for the wealthy. We don’t support the fertilizer industry - our fertility is home grown or scavenged. And if it relied on people like us the food processing industry would go bust.
Every one of us, I think, has a little of our ancestors’ ‘siege mentality’ - a need to fill the cupboards and bolt the door. Growing your own is the best security you can have. It means your food is always fresh and unpolluted. It means you never have to worry about the cost of fruit and vegetables. (This year we fed most of our late peaches to the chooks - our friends were sick of them, and so were we. Strawberries? I haven’t bothered picking them for weeks. As for beans - I think my family would go on strike if they were given the hard stringy things you buy in shops - or worse, watery frozen slips of green plastic. They like butter beans, or young five penny beans, or new Purple Kings.)
For us it’s true wealth to give away the kiwi fruit, press limes on satiated friends, take armfuls of daffodils up to town to celebrate the spring and baskets of roses all through summer. Our standard of living is far higher than anyone on our income could expect - because we produce things ourselves that we would otherwise have to buy - and because any of the joys in our lives, from flowers to watching the birds splutter in the fountain, are things we don’t have to pay for.
Anyone who has ever watched a child’s face as they fill a basket of oranges or as they disappear to spend an hour in the raspberry beds, or let a child watch the progress of a seed as it becomes a vine and sprouts large melons - then let them pick it, all their own work - will know there is something very basic and very good about growing your own. This is after all what life’s about - food and shelter, life and death and growing things. There is no better way to contact this than in a garden.
I, like all humans, am part of the earth. To work it, watch it, live within its rhythms - for me, that is the deepest satisfaction.
Few of us today really know what we eat. This is because most of the food we eat is bought on impulse- or near impulse- weekly or even daily as we need it.
How many people know how many potatoes they eat a year- or even a week? How many apples, how much parsley, how many bunches of grapes?
Even adding together what you buy now won’t necessarily tell you what you may decide to eat home grown. Peaches are expensive- but we feed the surplus to our geese. That means we don’t buy goose food- or any number of ‘cheaper’ alternatives to peaches and cream for dessert.
Leftover avocados go into the compost, the harder bits of asparagus, beetroot that get a bit shrivelled. In the self sufficient garden nothing is wasted- because everything is recycled. What you don’t eat goes to growing more, via the compost bin.
Home grown means you can indulge your taste for luxury.
It’s taken me many years to work out what our family eats- how many brocolli plants we like, or brussel sprouts, how many artichokes, how many late peaches or early apricots..I’ve learnt what veg to plant near the kitchen door to grab when its raining or I want to prepare a meal quickly. I’ve leant when to expect visitors (like at Christmas and school holidays) and to plant my garden accordingly.
Looking at Your Garden
If you want a ‘self sufficient ‘ garden you need to be able to look at your garden. Work out different ways of using space. I’m not advocating you dig up your roses or plant the kids sandpit. But nearly every garden has large areas that aren’t used- the shady bit along the side, the awkward corner of the lawn where no one plays, the unused ground below the trees- even the strips of lawn beneath the clothes line or up the drive.
Start from the outside and work in.
Fences
Most fences don’t grow anything. I hate naked fences - they look better green. Try -
* perennial climbing beans- they’ll come up every year and give you thick wide beans you can eat young and tender or keep till they are old for ‘dried’ beans. They’ll also cover your fence with greenery and bright red flowers
* chokos- eat the shoots as well as the fruit
* hops- hops die down in winter and ramble all over the place in summer. Eat the young shoots in early spring; make beer from the flowers or use them to stuff hop pillows.
* passionfruit in frost free places; banana passionfruit in cold areas
* loganberries, marionberries, boysenberries and other climbing berries, trained up wire stapled to the fence
* grapes - there are hundreds of grape varieties in Australia - suitable for any area, from snowy winters to tropical summers
* flowering climbers like clematis, wonga vine, perennial sweet peas bougainvillea, jasmine, rambling roses - to attract birds, predaceous insects and for pleasure
* edible Chinese convulvulus
* sweet potatoes (temperate areas only)
* or use your fence to stake up tomatoes, peas, broad beans.
Fruit Trees
The area next to the fence is the best for large fruit trees. Hedge your garden boundaries with tall fruit trees. Plant them 2 metres apart. They’ll grow tall to reach the sun and the branches will tangle - but this means birds won’t find most of the fruit (though you will) and tall trees bear as much fruit as wide ones - you just have to climb the tree or use a fruit picker on a tall stick to get the crop. This way you’ll be able to have a far greater variety of fruit than you would with a normally planted orchard.
With close planting a normal backyard block will have at least twenty fruit trees. The selection is up to you- what grows best in your area and what you like to eat. As a basic rule I’d suggest three apples (late early and medium) one valencia and one navel orange if frost permits; one lemon (in cold areas try bush lemons or citronelles- the other trees will help shelter them from the frost); a loquat for earliest of all fruit, and the rest according to preference. Remember that early and late varieties may be separated by three months or more- two plums of the same variety may be too may for you to use if they cropped at the same time; but a January ripener will be finished by the time late season ones come in.
Plant dwarf fruit trees along paths as a hedge - dwarf apples, dawf peaches, pomegranates or nectarines - or trees like hazelnuts that can be trimmed to a neat hedge.
Small fruit
Next to the trees plant ‘small fruit’ - raspberries, blueberries tamarilloes, pepinoes, pineapples, tamarilloes, elder trees for flowers and berries, kumquats, guavas strawberry guavas, chilean hazelnuts.
Most ‘small fruit’ is naturally an understory crop anyway- they accept shade for at least part of the day. They will also cast much less shade over the next part of your garden. You can also plant ‘small fruit’ among the ‘permanent’ beds.
Permanent Beds
These are the crops you plant once and harvest for the rest of your life. I think they’re wonderful - a bit of mulching and they keep rewarding you.
Asparagus
This is the first spring crop - fat tender spears that will keep shooting for months. We eat asparagus twice a day from September to December. Modern varieties crop in two years. Don’t be put off by its reputation as hard to grow - asparagus just needs feeding. Ours has survived scratching lyrebirds, drought, fire and flooding - but with a bit of mulch it’s good as new.
Artichokes
Artichokes are a form of thistle. Once established they crop every spring, tolerate drought and heavy frost and keep multiplying. Their foliage is grey and pretty. Eat them small.
Dandelions
Eat the young spring greens as a salad or like silver beet- they are bitter in summer heat but can be blanched in boiling water. Eat the roots like parsnip or bake and grind for coffee.
Rhubarb
Some rhubarbs are small and red; some fat and green; some produce through winter but most die down. All are hardy once established. the more you feed and mulch them the more you’ll get.
Rocket
This is a peppery salad green; it reseeds itself after flowering and spreads. Very hardy.
Sorrel
nce you have sorrel you’ll always have it. It’s perennial but seeds and spreads. A bit bitter but makes a good soup, sauce for fish or addition to salads.
Chicory
at the leaves; dig up the root in autumn and eat like parsnip.
Sweet potatoes
These are frost tender. Plant a sprouting sweet potato and let it ramble. The tubers you don’t dig up will shoot next year.
Ginger
For warm areas only. Grow like sweet potatoes.
Kumeras
These are really an annual but will come up every year from bits left from last year. They are ‘New Zealand sweet potato’- really a form of oxalis- and tolerate frost. Keep them weed free. Buy the tubers from a good greengrocer.
Plants for out of the Way Corners
Horseradish
This is a good ‘under tree’ crop. Plant a piece of root and it will ramble all over the moist ground. The leaves are also edible (like silverbeet) but a bit hot for most tastes.
Jerusalem Artichokes
These are a form of sunflower - wonderful tall colour in late summer. Plant a few and they’ll multiply like the loaves and fishes and you’ll never be rid of them. Dig up the tubers in autumn and bake them, boil, them, fry them or make soup. Tasty but gas producing.
Arrowroot
You can eat this like sweet potato, or grate it and wash out the starch for arrowroot thickener. It looks like a canna lily - it is, canna edulis, high as you waist and pretty.
Bamboo
Eat the shoots in spring- these fresh ‘bamboo shoots’ taste better than any out of a can. Slice them into boiling water and leave for ten minutes or till they are no l [?]
http://www.buckshotscamp.com/Newsletter-Monthly.htm
http://infomotions.com/etexts/gutenberg/dirs/1/5/5/9/15597/15597.htm
“During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized”.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
http://www.buckshotscamp.com/Newsletter-Monthly.htm
News From The Camp
Buckshot ran across this and thought you might be interested in what settler’s used to bring with them on the wagon trains.
Before heading to California a committee was formed and recommends the following.
A good wagon that can haul 2500 pounds with 4 oxen no older then 8 years old.
Each individuals should have a good large bore rifle and the following items.
An axe.
A hatchet.
A hunting knife.
5 pounds of powder.
10 pounds of lead.
1500 percussion caps.
A pair of good belt pistols will be found convenient.
As well as a good supply of fishing tackle.
Each person should have:
A spade.
A pick.
A mining shovel.
Clothing.
Bedding.
Cooking pots.
Tent.
50 feet of grass rope 3/4 inch thick.
Simple medicines.
A keg holding 6-10 gallons for water.
A tin lantern.
Food Supplies Per Person
Bacon Sides
200 Pounds
Flour
300 Pounds
Hard Bread
50 Pounds
Coffee
30 Pounds
Sugar
50 Pounds
Beans (Half A Bushel)
30 Pounds
Rice
10 Pounds
Dried Fruit
15 Pounds
Salt
10 Pounds
Pepper And Spice
2 Pounds
Soap
5 Pounds
Candles
5 Pounds
Saleratus (Baking Soda)
1 Pound
This will give each person enough for 10 months except for meat that will come from hunting.
http://www.countrysidemag.com/issues/88/88-6/W_Wayne_Robertson.html
Build a Wood-burning Cookstove
From a Steel Barrel
By W. Wayne Robertson
Virginia
Many people are familiar with wood heaters made from steel barrels. This is a description of how to make a wood cook stove from a barrel. An effort has been made to keep it simple so that you will not need special skills like welding or forging. The only tools needed are a drill, a jigsaw (with hacksaw blade), tape measure, and simple hand tools.
continued.
When Bill built one for us, he used the inside of a hot water heater, one that is shorter and fatter, might have been one to fit under the sink or be free standing.
My stove is built laying on its side, so it is about 3 ‘ long and maybe 24’’ in diameter, he made an angle iron stand to hold it.
He cut off a top of the curve and welded on a flat iron plate, so the cooking space is about 18” x 30”.
In the winter, most of my cooking was done on it.
The only complaint that I have, is the opening for the wood could have been larger to allow for the lumps/stumps of branches.
Many of the requirements/suggestions here are going to be used for either style of stove.
granny
“Goat Shares” Help Owners
Sell Raw Milk Legally
By Tim King
http://www.dairygoatjournal.com/issues/86/86-2/Tim_King.html
[When I sold goat milk, I wrote ‘for pet food’ on the jar lid with a felt pen and had no control over who drank it, once it left here.
granny]
Many articles on goats and how and why of them:
http://www.dairygoatjournal.com/library.html
http://www.countrysidemag.com/library.html
A chock full collection of articles on homesteading, all the things we ask about, wild plants, animals, gardens and more:
http://www.backyardpoultrymag.com/library.html
Poultry articles, wide variety of information.
Dr. Duke’s
Phytochemical and Ethnobotanical Databases
http://www.permaculture.org.au/topics/self-sufficiency.php?page=6
More links on this page than I can check.
The Definitive Source for Independent Reviews & Information
on Outdoors Gear and Survival Equipment and Techniques
The Survival Corner
Greg Davenport’s Editorial Columns and Videos
The Survival Corner gives Greg the opportunity to share his thoughts about life events and outdoor adventure. This section includes short editorial stories, video clips of outdoor and primitive adventure, and survival pearls. New features are routinely added, so if you enjoy this visit... please come back again.
http://www.gregdavenport.com/survivalcorner.php#columns
Forum for Survival:
Permaculture discussion forum
Designing the creation of sustainable human habitat
http://forums.permaculture.org.au/
An internet resource for indigenous ethno-technology focusing on the arts of Eastern Woodland Indian Peoples, providing historical & contemporary background with instructional how-to’s & references.
MOUNTAIN MAN
ONLINE
SURVIVAL GUIDE
PRACTICAL, CONCISE HELP FOR SURVIVING IN THE WILDNERNESS OR OTHER ADVERSE CONDITIONS
http://www.lookout2000.com/mtnman/survguide.htm
http://www.lookout2000.com/mtnman/fsframe.htm
Countryside an excellent magazine:
http://www.countrysidemag.com/issues/92-2.html
Neat garden blog:
http://wildcraft.gaelicmysts.com/
Links and Heirloom tomato seed link:
http://wildcraft.gaelicmysts.com/?page_id=213
http://www.ellisparkerbutler.info/epb/reading.asp?id=4235
www.ellisparkerbutler.info
Reading Room
“My Neighbor’s Chickens” from Fruit Garden and Home
by Ellis Parker Butler
* Fruit Garden and Home (March, 1923) An essay. p 13-14. Also, editor’s note on page 58. [HARPER]
from Fruit Garden and Home
My Neighbor’s Chickens
by Ellis Parker Butler
The Crowing of the Cock
If the cackling of geese saved Rome, or the gentle rain at Waterloo defeated Napoleon, the crowing of the cock has made America great. The crowing of the cock is ever a call to duty; Peter heard the cock crow, and he remembered, and he wept. The call of that cock may be said to have brought about the foundation of Christian civilization.
One Sunday morning I found my neighbor watching my cock, as he arched his neck and flung out his call. “Do you know,” he said, “I heard him crowing last night? There were a lot of them — some a long way off. I couldn’t sleep until I heard them, then I slept like a boy!”
I nodded.
“I’m going to have a pen,” he continued, “a pen of brown ones, like Mother used to keep. That crowing — it took me back to those years so long ago, when I was a boy on the farm, down on the river bottom. I dreamed of brown setting hens and little chicks, and of hunting eggs in the straw stack!
“I thought of the time we hid eggs at Easter... and so I ‘m going to have a pen.”
— Editor
The oldest conundrum in the world is “Why does a chicken cross the road?” It is so ancient I believe Adam must have invented it in order to give Eve the first intelligence test ever known. My own opinion is that Adam took a chicken — probably a long-legged wide-winged variety — and went down the gate of Eden and threw that chicken hard and far over the fence. Instantly the chicken turned and scuttled back across the road, just missing a couple of snorting pterodactyls that were cavorting down the road, and squawked loudly as it ducked under the gate.
“Eve,” said Adam, “did you see that? Then let me ask you a question: Why does a chicken cross the road?”
“To get to the other side!” cried Eve triumphantly.
“Wrong!” declared Adam. “The correct answer is: To get into the Garden.”
To me the saddest thought that comes when I think of Noah’s ark is not of poor dear seasick giraffes leaning over the rail of the vessel as the waves toss, nor even of the ennui of all the dogs and bears and other hairy animals with only two fleas aboard to keep the whole lot of them amused, but it is the thought of the two miserable chickens wandering dolefully up and down the decks looking for a neighbor’s garden to dig up and not finding any.
I don’t know whether you have ever tried the following experiment, but it is significant and worth trying: Some time, when you are invited over to look at your neighbor’s beautiful chickens, bend down and take from the nest a new-laid egg. Hold the egg to the light to make sure it is a fertile egg — that is to say, make sure it is an egg that will hatch into a chicken if properly incubated either by a hen or a box. Next place a small, flat board on the floor of the chicken coop, using a spirit level to make sure the surface of the board is perfectly level and not tilted one way or the other. Now stand the egg exactly upright, either on the large end or the small end, and let go of it. Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight times out of every ten thousand the egg, in rolling off the board, will roll in the direction of your garden. Two eggs out of each ten thousand will not roll at all; these are what are called “sports” or “freaks” and if hatched will probably turn out to be alligators or ostriches. Every egg that contains the germ of a chicken will invariably roll toward your garden, especially if you have just planted the garden. The more irascible your temper is, the more rapidly the eggs will roll toward your garden. If you are one of the men who get purple in the face whenever you see a chicken in your garden the egg will roll toward your garden with a regular hop, skip and jump and sometimes a low, irritating laugh can be heard issuing from it.
This desire of the chicken for the garden is called instinct by the scientists. I believe the man that owns the garden calls it something else, but I never use such words myself, having been brought up in a proper manner. I understand that the naturalists hold that the desire of the hen for the petunia bed is a “hold-over” from the very earliest days of the hen (approximately 75,675,000 B. C.) when the hen — as they believe — was used as either (1) a garden ornament, or (2) a worm scarecrow In any event the belief is that for over seventy million years the garden was the birthplace and home of the hen, and that consequently the hen became used to being in the garden and invariably trends in that direction. I cannot vouch for any of this except the trend of the hen. She certainly does trend.
It is a matter of considerable doubt with me as to how much damage a hen actually does to a garden, but I know how much it can do to a temper. I wish someone would get up some reliable hen-in-the-garden statistics, with charts and diagrams, so that a man like myself who wants to be truthful and exact could study them and write an article entirely free from errors. I would like a large chart, with lines ruled crossways and up and down, and such statistics as these:
1. Actual damage done to a garden (30x60 feet) by one (1) shifty eyed hen owned by the owner of the garden, said hen having yellow legs and a low mezzo-soprano voice.
2. Actual damage done to a garden (30x60 feet) by one (1) albino hen, owned by the man next door, between 1:30 P. M., May 16, 1922 (Eastern Standard Time) and the moment when the hen gave a wild eyed squawk and scooted for home, avoiding the brick by one-eighth of an inch (actual measurement, 3.5 millimeters.)
3. Actual damage done to garden by the brick.
4. Chart showing actual cash damage done to a garden by ten hens, said hens being aided and abetted by a rooster with a frost-bit comb and a jaunty disposition, the hens observing the eight-hour day regulations of the Hens’ Union, and the wind blowing N. N. E. but shifting slightly to N. E.
Having had considerable experience with hens in gardens I am inclined to believe that a series of reliable charts would show that the actual money damage done by our neighbors’ hens is greatly overestimated. This, however, is not true of the temper damage. While I have sat at my window (armed only with a rubber sling-shot and a pile of pebbles) and watched my neighbors’ hens digging in my garden with all the eagerness of a squad of raw soldiers trying to “dig in” under machine-gun fire, and have seen this happen day after day, I have never noticed that one dear little blossom has been missing when blossoming time arrived. True, when the hens were eating the radish tops they may have reduced my crop of radishes somewhat, but anyone who had eaten one of my radishes — taking it from his mouth now and then to make sure he was not chewing a hickory nut by mistake — would not feel that the hens had done any evil, excepting in letting any of the radishes mature. And right here, speaking as an expert, I would like to say that I do not feel that a sling-shot and a handful of pebbles constitutes the best weapon for protecting the garden from the hen. At any range over three feet the sling-shot ceases to be a weapon of precision, and if you are as close as three feet to a hen you don’t need a sling-shot — you can kick the hen. Beyond three feet the sling-shot becomes erratic and wild. I have, it is true, often hit a hen with a pebble fired from a sling-shot, but it has seldom been the hen at which I aimed. Often, when I have aimed at a hen in my garden I have hit a perfectly respectable and non-trespassing hen that was scratching in its own home coop thirty-six feet distant from the hen at which I had aimed. This well-behaved hen then instantly arose in the air with a shrill cry of surprise, leaped all intervening boundaries and hastened to the safety of my garden, where she began to dig. And when I did happen to pop a hen squarely on the broadside the hen only looked up in surprise, looked down in gratitude, and swallowed the pebble, thus aiding its digestive apparatus and being able to eat more garden.
I think that we have a prejudice against the hen that exact statistics would not bear out. I think the damage done by a bevy of, say, eight hens in a garden 30x60 feet in size is much less than is commonly supposed. Let us say that my property is worth $10,000 exclusive of buildings, and contains 18,000 square feet. A 30x60 foot garden would be worth $500. This, at six percent, would be worth, if otherwise invested, $30 per year. The tax on the garden plot would be $10. Seeds and fertilizer would be $10. The time I put in on the garden, at my usual earning rate of about $50 a day, would be $500. The garden thus costs me $550 per year. Off of it I get vegetables of a market value of $28.30. This shows a net profit of $521.70 less than nothing per annum, in a normal henless year.
Now, from over the fence, come eight snow-white hens. For a few moments they pretend to be spotlessly innocent of guile. They scratch in the plantain and ragweed along the fence and say, “Well! Well! I never knew our chicken yard reached this far!” Then one hen cocks a yellow eye hither and yon and strolls over into the garden. She pretends she is still in the plantain and ragweed. If you told her she was in her neighbor’s garden she would say, “My! My! Is that so! I never imagined it! The last thing in the world I would think of doing is to poach in my neighbor’s garden!” But she would keep right on poaching. And then the other hens, equally innocent, would wander over into the garden and begin to scratch there. Suppose they came every day. Suppose they scratched up and ate everything in my garden. The worst they could do would be to scratch a hole in my deficit of $521.70.
I am strongly inclined to believe that the loss caused by neighbors’ chickens is largely a moral loss and that it never does amount to much in dollars and cents — but the moral damage is terrific! I can easily see, for example, that a hot-blooded lady who has with difficulty decided that she will not, after all, murder her husband and elope with the butcher, might look out of her kitchen window just in time to see seven hens come over the fence and get to work in her sweet pea patch, and become so angry and bitter and violent that she would not only murder the hens but her husband and the butcher himself. I can easily imagine that the man who wrote “Under the bludgeonings of Fate my head is bloody but unbowed” might stand calmly and with folded arms and see his fondest hopes hurled down to chaos and never quiver an eyelid, but if he saw his neighbor’s hens in his garden, jump for the door with a yell of rage and pick up anything handy, from the ice cream freezer to the axe. It is one thing to sit around and smile while Fate does a little high grade Indian-club work on your head, but when the chickens of the man next door come over the fence and get busy in your garden you do get mighty mad!
The truth is that the amount of damage done by your neighbor’s hens has nothing to do with the anger they arouse. To create something is the greatest thing you can do, and the garden — whether flower or spud — is something you have created. When you have dug the soil, and harrowed it, and sweetened it, and enriched it, and placed the seed in it, the garden is more truly you than your own children are. Presently your children will depart and the full fruitage of their lives will be their own creation, but your garden is yours only; you have made it, you will tend it, you will gather its harvest of flowers or kohlrabi. At the best it will be imperfect, but you long for perfection and mean to do all you can to make it a perfect thing. And then some careless neighbor lets his dad-blasted chickens loose and they come over and paw all over the place! You not only feel angry pity for your garden, and selfish anger for your gobbled seeds and lettuce plants, but that deadliest of all anger — the anger we all feel when another scorns our just rights.
We who have gardens and who don’t have chickens are the victims of a cruel irony of fate. We were born to be the meek and misunderstood of this world. Our neighbor has chickens; we have a garden. Our garden cannot climb over the fence and eat the chickenfeed of the hens. Our garden cannot get up at two A. M. and crow its lungs out and awaken all our helpless neighbors. Our garden stays at home and meekly minds its own business and bothers no one. There can be a thousand other gardens and no one is harmed. But the minute my neighbor’s hen comes into my garden my neighbor is “set” to hate me. If I say anything to him about his hens I expect him to get mad; if I do not say anything to him he says to himself, “He don’t say anything, but he’s thinking it, and I’ll just tell him, when he does say anything, about that time his boy came over and —” and so forth! If I wanted to be on friendly terms with my neighbors I would rather keep a Greco-Turkish boundary than a coop of hens. As soon as I bought a flock of hens and brought them home I would begin thinking what “come back” I could hand my neighbor when he came over to complain about my hens getting into his garden.
Personally I have solved the hen problem; I plant bulbs. My chicken-keeping neighbors do keep their hens at home the greater part of the time. We have never quarreled about chickens; in the spring I merely telephone, “My wife is going to plant her sweet pea seed tomorrow; your chickens —” and the chickens are gathered in and corralled. And that is proper. No one has any right to let his chickens roam my garden or roam your garden or roam anyone’s garden.
I say quite frankly that in my opinion the chicken with the wanderlust is a greater menace to the happiness of the average American than the Turk or the bolshevist ever was or ever will be. The Turk may grasp Western Thrace from the Greeks — if the Greeks have it; I’ll be blessed if I know whether they have or have not — and Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Casey will converse fondly over the back fence in amity and good will. The bolshevists may arouse India to oust the British and Mrs. Murphy will hand a large slice of chocolate cake over the back fence and the heart of Mrs. Casey will beat with warm loving kindness for all the Murphys in the world. But once let Mrs. Casey’s speckled hen come over into Mrs. Murphy’s garden and get whacked on the back with the broken hoe handle thrown by Mrs. Murphy and black hatred and enmity will curdle the blood of the Murphys and Caseys forever more!
On the banners of the world the dove is recognized as the bird of peace; wherever flags wave the eagle is recognized as the bird of war; on the standard of France the rooster perches as the bird of triumph; Minerva’s owl is the bird of wisdom. There is the peacock for pride and the ostrich for folly and the lark for hope. To the great gallery of birds I offer a new symbol — the domestic hen, the symbol of neighborly enmity.
On the whole I consider the chicken situation gloomy. Although I am by nature an optimist I see no immediate amelioration of the chicken-from-the-next-door state of affairs. The chicken will continue to come over the fence, except on those occasions when it comes under. The next-door chicken will continue to be a nuisance. I can see but one ray of thankfulness to clasp to our bosoms; as Mike Flannery would have said — What if them chickens was guinea-hens!”
Most of you will read Mr. Butler’s “My Neighbor’s Chickens” with a great deal of amusement. Especially so, if you don’t keep chickens and your neighbors do. Butler is no nature faker. He knows his subject “like a book.” If you don’t believe it, read again his description of how a flock of hens enters a garden.
There is a deal of truth underlying his fun, for all o’ that. Neighborhood rows without end have started over such trivial things as a hen invading a garden. Fights have ensued, lawyers have been hired, witnesses subpoenaed, courts occupied and much economic waste entailed. In the end, we learn that “one man’s rights end where another’s begin.” Good point to keep in mind.
It matters not whether it be chickens, or a sumac bush sending suckering plants into the neighbor’s garden, or a small boy with a beanie-shooter or an air-rifle. Neighbors should be neighbors, for what’s the fun of living without neighbors? Let us have a little more tolerance for the human being across the fence, yes; but let us all be ever considerate of the neighbor’s rights. Butler’s viewpoint will help.
www.ellisparkerbutler.info
Wednesday, April 02 at 2:34:35am USA Central
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