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Posted on 04/13/2007 5:53:23 PM PDT by DollyCali
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Lol I like our flag too. I think we learned the story behind it in about the third grade.
Before I think about this seriously, here's the answer where I make a joke of it.
Well, for us to tell whether he was going to far, we have to know what temptation he faced. This post begs for a picture. At least, we beg for a picture.
I hope that wasn't too crude a joke. The serious side of it is that from a guy's perspective, there are things that can make guarding our eyes difficult. I was once at a class where one of the lady engineers was wearing a very low-cut top. That wouldn't be a problem, but she also had an unusual name and a thick accent. I could never understand her name when she spoke it. I kept trying to look down to read her name tag, but every time I looked down, I was afraid that she'd think I was looking at her cleavage.
I've occasionally had the same problem with a necklace or a strange design on a shirt. In neither case is the woman wearing anything remotely immodest. It's just that something distracts me and draws my eyes from where they need to be. When I've encountered the situation, I've tried to deal with it by not looking at her at all.
I'm sure that you weren't wearing anything immodest or distracting, and if you perceived his eye movements to be something less innocent than what I've described in my situation, then I believe you. It's unfortunate that things went that way, but I don't see a way of salvaging anything. If he wanted you to call him, I don't see anything wrong with your not calling. If he calls you, I think you'd be fine saying that you don't feel like dating him. I don't think you have to address the issue with him.
Bill
That's neat.
Any luck looking for a job?
I’ve got a few possibilities. Having the DoD internship on my resume definitely attracts interest. Nothing for sure though.
is that what you were doing for 90 minutes? random hacking? lol
Commuting and random hacking...
Saw some interesting stuff downtown. But it disappointed.
I got a couple of screenshots I’ll post later on today...
Quick good morning & ping. Another day of funeral visititation ..
April 15, 2007
READ: Job 2:1-10
Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? —Job 2:10
When Jeremy was 17, he struggled with a question that theologians have wrestled with for centuries. For him the problem was not theoretical but practical. He was trying to understand why his mother had to have brain surgery. He asked, “Why do good people suffer, Mom?”
She told him, “Suffering is part of living in a sin-cursed world, and good people suffer like anybody else. That’s why I’m glad we have Jesus. If I die, I’ll go to a better place, and I’ll long for the day when I can see you again.” She then said that she could understand his frustration, but she told him not to put the blame on God.
If you and I are baffled by the suffering of good people, we can put the question squarely before God, argue with Him if we must, and struggle with our doubts. But let’s not blame Him.
God didn’t explain to Job what He was doing but said that He could be trusted to do what is right (Job 38–42). And He has assured us in His Word that Jesus suffered on our behalf, rose from the dead, and is now preparing a suffering-free place for us.
These may not be the answers we want, but they are the answers we need to help us live with that age-old and often unanswerable question of suffering.
lol! "Less than truthful ping notice"! I'm guilty! Sometimes it's just too much fun to trick folks with a misleading ping notice to a crazy thread!
But seriesly, to answer your questions:
The issue does leave open the possibility for a little nuance. If you aren't interested in a man, how far do you feel you need to go in being completely honest with him about why you aren't interested? In the case mentioned earlier, a guy was just a little too active with his eyes. Would you mention that fact specifically as a reason why you weren't interested in starting a relationship or would you leave it at "I'm just not interested?" To be equal, what if a guy is not interested in a woman because she has children or for some similar reason? Should he tell her that he's not interested in that relationship because she has kids, or should he not be that specific? Is refusing to be specific the same as being less than truthful? What if she presses him for a reason after he initially didn't get specific?
I'd be comfortable leaving it at "I don't think we match up well." I wouldn't say that I'm not interested because that could easily be taken as "you're boring to me."
No, I wouldn't tell him that he was too active with his eyes. As a matter of fact, if a man were like that with me on a first date I wouldn't anguish at all about what to tell him. I'd be comfortable not communicating with him again, period. Looking a woman over with the eyes is a very crude and aggressive way of letting her know that he'd be doing the same thing with his hands (on the first date) if he could. It shows a lack of social sensitivity which makes me uncomfortable. If a man is either so unaware or so unconcerned that single women can be very vulnerable to predators that he behaves like this on a first date, I don't want him anywhere near my life.
For me, the children/no children reason for not dating someone is easy! Just say it! It shouldn't even be taking a chance on hurting the feelings of a balanced person, and if she's not balanced you don't want her, anyway. It's just a fact, like saying that you don't want to date her because she lives too far away.
No, being less than specific isn't less than being truthful as long as his less-than-specific reason is truthful! As far as her pressing him for more details: I think his response depends on how long they've dated. If it's the second date, there's no responsibility to tell more. If he's dated her for awhile he owes her something more explanatory and he needs to gather his courage and then BE HONEST. She will appreciate it and also she shouldn't take it personally and be hurt and confused, wondering which awful flaw of which she's unaware ran him off.
I don't usually go into such detail, but you asked!
pax
Hi Phil,
I didn’t quite understand your question—did you transpose “not late”?
Probably you were just making a general comment to the thread posters, anyway...
No, Bill, your joke did not go too far—it was tres funny (’cept to justify a picture for the menfolk I would have to know how to photoshop Bridgett/Brooke’s(?) bod with my face... lol)
The other mental picture you created might be even funnier——uh,oh, the phone is r-i-n-g-i-n-g as I type this—the man with the roving eyes? I am NOT going to go and answer that——Imagine Bill innocently trying to read the lady engineer’s name tag while assiduously trying to avoid giving her the wrong impression...I love that-—it’s too funny!
As for me, I am more about being attractively dressed than provocatively dressed...but, be warned, it is my version of “attractive”. I tend to dress a little differently than most women I see who are close to me in age... :)
That sounds good enough to me. If he doesn't understand that, he is a problem child anyway.
Most men don't take hints very well and want to hear something directly from the horse's mouth. I know I sure did. He wants to know if it is his "fault." Either you are comfortable telling him that or not. If you don't get pretty specific that you are not interested, he will likely keep up the chase.
Men are in a constant state of confusion about that because on one hand we are always told women find it cute when we keep up the chase and then by others we are told it is creepy. It is hard to tell from one girl to the next what rules we are playing by.
Honestly, IMO it doesn't much matter what you tell him as long as he gets the point that you are not interested and that won't change.
Whoops...I started a reply and just “disappeared” it unintentionally...
What I was saying, Condor, was that I see how confusing it must be to know what approach to take with a woman. Do it this way and you are a cad, do it that way and evoke an entirely different response. To make it worse, on any given day a woman could respond differently to the same male behavior!
Men don’t have it easy...and women are always the final arbiters.
Oh, and this, too.
I did look at your homepage-—and saw the Yuengling “label”.
The man in question was drinking Yuengling (now you’re going to say, “he can’t be all bad...” lol) He would put salt in it! I meant to ask why, but forgot...so, why? Do you do that, too?
LOL - I've never heard of such a thing. You have my permission to tell him I said no proper lady would date a man who puts salt in his beer. You can use me for an excuse.
We used to put salt peanuts in our RC Colas when I was a kid. I'm not exactly sure why, but that was the style. ;0)
Okie-doke, sounds like I now have my best, most “legitimate” excuse...lol
Between now and then, please send me the ping list, Dolly.
I need to take off. We are taking Chachi over to the assisted living center where JK's mom lives. Chachi is going to put on an obedience demonstration and then visit with the residents there. This is his "debut" since becoming a certified Canine Good Citizen. Keep your fingers crossed that he does well. Today is also Chachi's birthday....two years old!
I would have an easier time perfecting automotive fuel-cells, than understanding how to respond to women nowdays in a way they find likable!!
Yeah, I suppose we all go through periods where it all feels like too much trouble, maybe even long periods...but don’t give up...there is always that possibility of a wonderful, ‘chance’ happening.
It seems to me you had some good moments, conversations and get-togethers with your recent lady friend. It hasn’t continued like you hoped it would, but, overall, it sounded like worthwhile time spent together.
And, it will make the next time easier and more comfortable for you, right? Hope so.
Nancy
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