Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Posted on 07/28/2006 12:19:03 AM PDT by sully777
Phrases that sound innocent as well as dirty--depending on your mindset:
Petra told Ingrid, "You have a lovely rug."
Let's grab something at the golden arches.
St. Louis was once known as Mound City.
She was caught raising the flag this weekend.
The cavernous hole is wet with dew.
She favored wood as a golfer.
No one ever confused Lance as a wine sipper; hard stuff was his passion.
There was ecstatic joy as Marc Spitz lapped the pool several times in triumph, until he accidently fell into the mud.
We were in a tight spot as our camels' toes were stuck in the sand.
They sat silently, watching a Yankee game, when Bearnice cried out in delight, "Randy Johnson's pitches are high hard ones!" The girls nodded knowingly.
Shag was her favorite course in rug making at TCC's interior design class.
And the all-time classic:
If I tell you that's tight, will you hold that against me?
One day, the new footman Catherwood was on duty when her highness let one rip.
"Footman, stop that!" demanded the princess.
Catherwood, without missing a beat, replied "Certainly, madam - which way did it go?"
Whose brain did you get? Abby-somebody. Abby who? Abby-normal, I think that was it. You mean to tell me I put an abnormal brain in a 7 foot high, 4 foot wide GORILLA!!??
KA UTE!
Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Ability: 1. A poor man’s worth; 2. What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Absentee: A missing golfing accessory.
Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.
Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.
Accident: 1. A condition of affairs in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better; 2. A head-on collision between two stationary cars parked on their own sides of the road.
Accordion: 1. An instrument invented by the man who couldn’t decide how big the one was that got away; 2. A stomach Steinway; 3. An instrument whose music is long drawn out.
Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.
Accrue: People who work on a ship.
Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.
Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.
Acquaintance: 1. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous; 2. A person we know who falls short of being a friend, either because he isn’t well-to-do enough, or because he won’t let us borrow from him; 3. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Acrimony: The holy state of being married.
Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.
Actor: 1. A guy who, if you ain’t talking about him, he ain’t listening; 2. A man who tries to be everything but himself; 3. A man with an infinite capacity for taking praise; 4. A person who makes $500,000 a year some weeks.
Actor’s Agent: A guy who sometimes bites the ham who feeds him.
Acupuncture: A jab well done.
Adage: To become older.
Adam: The first white slave.
Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.
Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.
Adamant: The very first insect.
Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence: 1. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. A period in which girls try to make little boys stop asking questions, and big boys begin; 3. A period in which children begin to question the answers; 4. That period when a boy refuses to believe that someday he’ll be as dubm as his father; 5 that period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life; 6. The period in which the young suddenly begin to feel a great responsibility about answering the phone; 7. The period when a girl begins to powder and a boy begins to puff; 8 when a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how; 9. When boys begin to notice that girls notice boys who notice girls; 10. When children start bringing up their parents; 11. The age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes.
Adolescent: A teenager who acts like a baby when you don’t treat him like an adult.
Adorable: What you ring when you go visiting.
Adore: To venerate expectantly.
Adult Education: A strenuous effort to learn about things that bored you when you were still young enough to profit from them.
Adulatery: Cheating on your wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.
Adult: One who has stopped growing except in the mid-section.
Adversity: 1. The only diet that will reduce a fat head; 2. The state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free from admirers then.
Advertising: 1. That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of; 2. 15 percent commission and 85 percent confusion.
Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission.
Advertising Executive: Yessir, nosir, ulcer.
Advice: 1. Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain; 2. That which the wise don’t need and fools won’t take; 3. The one thing which it is “more blessed to give than receive;” 4. The worst vice; 5. You never know whether it’s good or not until you no longer need it.
After-Dinner Speaker: 1. A fellow who rises to the occasion – and then stands too long; 2. A man who knows exactly what not to say, but not when to quit saying it; 3. A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them; 4. The guy who starts the bull rolling.
After-Dinner Speech: 1. Though boring, gives us the low-down on a lot of people we used to consider bright; 2. The highest possible longitude and the lowest possible platitude.
Aftermath: The period following algebra.
Afternoon Snack: The pause that refleshes.
Age: That which makes wine worth more and women less.
Airplanes: One of those things that’s of no earthly use.
Airflow: Condition of a car created by putting the wife in the back seat.
Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.
Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”
Alcazar: What the Spaniards took for an upset stomach.
Alcohol: 1. A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets; 2. Something which often puts the wreck in recreation; 3. The only known substance that will make a woman beautiful when taken internally – by her escort.
Alibi: Slip cover.
Alimony: 1. A man’s cash surrender value; 2. Another war debt a lot of husbands would like to see cancelled; 3. A one-man war debt; 4. A splitting headache; 5. Bounty on the mutiny; 6. Giving comfort to the enemy; 7 man’s best proof that you have to pay for your mistakes; 8. One more form of the guaranteed annual wage; 9. The high cost of leaving; 10. The high cost of loving; 11. The method some women use for taking the drudgery out of housework; 12. The stuff that makes separations look like reparations; 13. When a bride continues to get wedding gifts after the divorce; 14. The fee a woman charges for name-dropping; 15. That which enables a woman who at one time lived happily married to live happily unmarried.
Sugar, Sugar Lyrics
Sugar, ah honey honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you.
Honey, ah sugar sugar
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you.
I just can't believe the loveliness of loving you
(I just can't believe it's true)
I just can't believe the one to love this feeling to.
(I just can't believe it's true)
Ah sugar, ah honey honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you.
Ah honey, ah sugar sugar
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you.
When I kissed you, girl, I knew how sweet a kiss could be
(I know how sweet a kiss can be)
Like the summer sunshine pour your sweetness over me
(Pour your sweetness over me)
Sugar, pour a little sugar on it honey,
Pour a little sugar on it baby
I'm gonna make your life so sweet, yeah yeah yeah
Pour a little sugar on it oh yeah
Pour a little sugar on it honey,
Pour a little sugar on it baby
I'm gonna make your life so sweet, yeah yeah yeah
Pour a little sugar on it honey,
Ah sugar, ah honey honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you.
Oh honey, honey, sugar sugar ..
You are my candy girl ..
Why you should never fart in a wetsuit.......
A song with double meanings and sexual innuendo if ever I saw one.
Fire Lake by Seger
Who wants to brave those bronze beauties
Lying in the sun
With their long soft hair falling
Flying as they run
Oh they smile so shy
And they flirt so well
And they lay you down so fast
Till you look straight up and say
Oh lord
Am I really here at last
OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
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