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Posted on 06/28/2006 10:14:11 AM PDT by HairOfTheDog
In other news, just chatting with the Mrs. on her way back from Northern Virginia. After having a chance to be away a couple of days and think things over, she's convinced Nana's problem is (perhaps the early stages of) dementia.
Wife just had a long conversation with Nana about something she accused Sister Mary Hamburner of doing. Wife said "Mom, you told me about this three weeks ago when YOU did it."
Whether or not that's the case, the immediate need is that we can no longer leave her alone with Luke. At least not for the whole day. Fortunately for next week anyway, Jr. isn't working since the waterpark is closed except for weekends after Sunday.
So, there's that.
Oh dear... dementia or attention seeking? Some of both?
Probably some of both. But you know...things like putting the foil in the microwave, etc.
What she accused sister of doing was putting Oil of Olay soap in her lotion bottle. She did this several weeks ago when wife took her to Walmart. Nana picked up the wrong thing and put it in the bottle she uses for lotion. She put it under her bed and forgot about it, because heaven forbid you don't throw anything out.
So, when wife calls she's crying because she's been using it as lotion and her hands were chapped. She accused sister of doing it on purpose. Wife's comment to me was that sister isn't smart enough to be that diabolical.
But I'm not sure what we can expect when she sits around watching those TV preachers all day. That would turn anyone's brain to mush.
She also accused sister of killing her plants. But the fact is they only need watering. And she wasn't able to do that over the last weekend. I didn't think about it (I didn't even water the plants outside) and wife is known to kill plastic plants.
I think the first thing we have to determine is if she's a danger to herself while she's alone.
Then we'll go from there.
Ah yes, the 'hand-chapping conspiracy'. That, with the accusation that someone is killing the plants, is rather paranoid. I've wondered if the complaints of pain and problems aren't attention seeking. Is she just rather insecure with her place and station in life, fearful? Does she have a reason to be?
I dunno. When the nurse at the ER asked her if she was safe at home she was just gushing with praise for us. She has everything she needs physically at least.
Still, I'm sure that she deals with the fact that Papa is gone and she's in her last or next-to-last stop on the way.
And, I'm fairly certain she thinks we don't respond quickly enough when she needs/wants something.
She certainly sees how busy we are. Yeah, the house is a wreck and we're always behind getting stuff done. Still she tells people that I'm the "hardest working man she knows," which really only means she doesn't know very many men.
It's tricky because she seems intent on pissing off Sister MBH. But the reality is that as annoying as Sister can be, she's the only one of the other four siblings that will lift a finger. She's the only one we can count on to stay with Nana and Luke when we have to travel. We can't afford to lose her. But I don't blame her for not wanting to stay with Nana.
She was convinced for ~years~ that her naybers were killing her outdoor plants and that they'd stand outside her window and smoke because they knew she was allergic to cigarette smoke.
No easy answers... Wish there were.
~snort~ So the paranoia isn't really ~new~
Yeah, the paranoia has been there. Papa never denied what "they" were doing. But he also never confirmed it.
And yeah, there are no easy answers.
I try really hard to be considerate of others, you know... really, I do.
Or you could try a more holistic approach, if you're interested. I just started Gypsy and I on this yesterday. What they're saying makes sense. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks if it works.
Yeah, we'll talk to the doctor. This is a pretty new "theory." But we've been trying to figure out what the heck is going on.
(couldn't get your link to work)
I do too. It helps if I calibrate my mind control ray first...
Yeah, I know I've whine a lot about her being with us. But I'm resigned to the fact that we committed to take care of her. However, that doesn't mean it has to be in our house.
When she was recovering from the hip surgery the second time, she really liked the place where she was. But that was rehab and she knew it was temporary.
Assisted living is out just because of the expense. She only has her SS check and we certainly can't supplement the difference. And there's no help coming from siblings.
I don't know how much she "knows" about the conversations we're having. We've certainly told her the sisters have no business suggesting a nursing home. And she knows we've been depending on her to help with Luke.
Maybe she thinks we take her for granted. But that's a two way street.
And she knows we've rebuilt significant portions of our house to accommodate her. The chair lift, the upstairs bathroom (that the boys refuse to use because the toilet is elevated), the back steps. etc.
So, there's that.
Understood. Maybe then, if there really aren't other choices, stop pretending there are, with this 'don't know how long we can...' kind of talk, and focus more on 'how are we going to...'. Put her at ease that she's not going to be shipped off. The advantage I saw in one of those assisted living places was at least she'd feel like she was in a place that was hers, and she wasn't unwelcome. She's been kindof an extended visitor with no ownership of anything... unless my guess on that is off base. Maybe she's still the mom and in charge, but I have a feeling the roles have reversed.
Looks interesting. Let us know if it works.
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