Posted on 06/22/2006 9:56:25 PM PDT by sully777
A lawyer married a woman who had divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"But how can that be if you've been married ten times," asked the puzzled groom.
"Well, husband 1 was a sales rep; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software; he wasn't sure how it was supposed to work, but he said he'd look into it & get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out but he couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4 was a telemarketer; he knew he had the order but he didn't know when he'd be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted to design & implement a new state-of-the-art process.
Husband 6 was an administrator; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure it was his job.
Husband 7 was in marketing; he had a nice product but he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he did was talk about it. Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he did was.... God, I miss him!
But now I'm married to you & I'm really excited!"
"I'm glad to hear that," said the new husband,
"but why?"
"Because," she replied,
"you're a lawyer and this time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
does that mean houston is the asshole?
My first contribution,
It's about time I added to the discourse
FEMALE PRAYER:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge b@@bs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course.
Amen
Kermit working blue...who knew? You should have seen the pics for Miss Piggy.
Morning Max!
Alright, who had a comment removed already?
Amatuers
I cant believe it.
Rejection Lines By Women - What They Mean 10. I think of you as a brother... You remind me of that banjo player in "Deliverance." 9. There's a silent difference in our ages... I don't want to date my Dad. 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way... You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on. 7. My life is too complicated right now... I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys. 6. I've got a boyfriend... I prefer the company of my cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's. 5. I don't date men where I work... I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system,' much less the same building. 4. It's not you, it's me... It's you. 3. I'm concentrating on my career... Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you. 2. I'm celibate... I've sworn off only the men like you. 1. Let's be friends... I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I sleep with.
Just Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.....
MM
Those are a hoot and some are even true ;o)
MM
This is what you call people with way too much time on their hands.
http://qconline.com/archives/qco/front_photo.cgi?prcss=display
So it was you. Shoulda known.
yeah, and i aint no amateur!!
:)
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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