Posted on 01/20/2006 5:48:08 AM PST by BJClinton
It's Friday, the playoffs are in full swing...yup, it's a good time to be alive.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
You get pearls of wisdom like the great "Be nice." dialogue. My husband has actually used this with his legal clients! :-)
And the ever popular "Pain don't hurt."
Road House is awesome.
Shoot me. Nothing soft around here.
Can you get that without the polyps?
Hubby keeps trying to get me to watch it, I have refused as Swayze makes me want to vomit.
Suppose I will relent though, at some point.
When you're brilliant, you can afford to have a sense of humor!
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, ...couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ... mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the time
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
I have a coworker by the name of Hung Lo.
Top 10 Reasons to come to work naked
10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
1. Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.
Wasn't that guy on American Idol the other day, dressed like Dorothy?
LOL!!!
Favorite Roadhouse Quotes...
This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".
What am I supposed to do?
There's always barber college.
I used to f**k guys like you in prison.
Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone.
All you have to do is follow three simple rules.
One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected.
Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary.
And three, be nice.
LOL. I remember when I first saw that movie I kept asking my dad why a man was trying to dress like a woman. All he could do was grimace.
Drink first!
And prepare to LAUGH!
Upwards is awesome. My two oldest boys were in it for years. Great program.
Dayum, what kind of gun is that? I like it!
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