Posted on 12/14/2005 7:34:05 PM PST by rock58seg
Ted Kennedy obit.
Dateline 12 /teenth /200X: Miami Beach.
Sad news of the drowning of Senator Theodore Kennedy (D Mass.) was announced today from the National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration Laboratories where the body had been mistakenly sent for autopsy.
The Circumstances surrounding Kennedy's death are under investigation, but seem to be accidental. Rumor has it that when trying to emerge from the water after a brief swim, most of the crowd mistook him for a Beluga whale trying to beach itself. In the rush to get him back into the water, it was overlooked that Beluga whales are incapable of speech, and his words "Get me a drink" were taken to mean he needed to get back into deeper water.
This reporter interviewed one of the earlier rescuers on the scene. At the time she was still under the misaprehension that it had been a whale. She would only identify herself as Hilliary. "It was a real struggle," she said, "and no sooner would we have it in deeper water , when it would again head for the shore. We were able to find some rope and finally tied the whale to an old rusted Oldsmobile hulk off shore."
When it was realized that death had prevailed despite the best efforts of the rescuers, the body was brought ashore and in the interests of science, was presented to NOAA scientists who had arrived after frantic calls. They were sincerely appreciative, and remarked they had never recieved a better specimen of an apparent marine mammal.
There have been mixed reactions to the announcement that in actuallity it was not a whale that had drowned.
Deep mourning is being observed by liquor store and bar owners throughout the Wash. D.C. area. There have also been reports of increasing attempts to sell similar establishments in the Hyannisport Mass. area.
The head of the Democratic National Committee, Howard Dean, let out a loud warbling scream and then pronounced it as a great loss. He added the many accomplishments of Kennedy could never be duplicated, and as soon as any were discovered, he would list them.
Dream 2008 Presidential candidate, the Radical Left Wing Democrat, Hilliary Clinton could not be reached as she is taking a well deserved, few days time off, from fundraising and shoring up support somewhere in the South.
Efforts to block wind farms off the coast of Massachusetts are predicted to intensify with his death. There are now larger portions of the horizon available for viewing with his passing. Heretofore much of the coastline was obscured by the largeness of his being.
Funeral services are pending and will be finalized as soon as 3 adjacent burial plots become available.
IB4TZ
You might very well be correct.
Man!!
Please!! Make it TRUE!!
I thought you meant JFK...
Son of a mob boss who fixed his election to the American presidency, started the Vietnam war, betrayed a contingent of 1300 Cuban fighters (massacred), raised despicable children guilty of cheating and manslaughter, shamelessly cheated on his wife, and entrusted the Vice Presidency to LBJ who then escalated Vietnam and left a legacy of urban decay, racial torment, and immigrant crisis across the country.
No wonder Bill Clinton took after him.
Tell us what you really think.
No, I just felt in the mood to have a little fun at teddy's expense.
But, But, If it's a Smirnoff pool, he will just inhale and it will be empty.
Beluga whale? Hmm. I could have sworn he was bigger...
True! but, I needed the pale pasty color. LOL
Hey, I just found myself with entirely too much time on my hands, and I really don't like any of the Kennedy's. The smarmy RFK Jr. seems like a likely candidate to screww up the world in the manner of his father and uncles.
I actually know a beluga whale. Ted Kennedy isn't that smart either but yes the colors are close. RFK Jr. is a punk
Thank you, my first effort.
May I ask, how does one get to know a beluga whale? do you tip your cap as you swim by and say, "How do You Do?"
There is a pair of belugas at the Point Defiance Zoo in Tacoma, WA. I work in the area and have had ample oppurtunity to get to the zoo while doing side jobs there. Plus, my kids are crazy about them so we've spent many hours with the Belugas. They make some really cool sounds and are very people friendly
>>most of the crowd mistook him for a Beluga whale
Ironically enough some whales have been beaching themselves
on Cape Cod lately.
>>CAPE COD -- A dead humpback whale has washed up on the shore of a Cape Cod beach. The six-year-old humpback was named "Beacon." The whale was no stranger to the Cape area.
It seemed to like, er, Chivas.
BUMP!
Isn't his real name Edward? God knows why the ba$tard goes by "Ted"
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