Alrighty, sorry for the delay. Apparently it got kinda cold last night and my truck wasn't too cool with that.
Posted on 12/09/2005 7:30:18 AM PST by BJClinton
Note to self: use anti-freeze when temperatures drop.
Alrighty, sorry for the delay. Apparently it got kinda cold last night and my truck wasn't too cool with that.
Harry Potter meest the Clintons:
Splinching while you're apparating
Well, the big day is here! Around the world this morning, bookstores opened their doors and millions of customers who'd spent the night waiting patiently in long lines eagerly stampeded to the counter and said, "Here's the copy of Living History I bought last week. I'd like my money back, please."
Sadly, the publisher's returns policy, conveniently footnoted on page 523 of the book, makes that impossible. But already industry observers are hailing the brilliant marketing strategy of ensuring that no details of the fictional bestseller were allowed to leak out until the cheques for advance orders had cleared. It's that kind of sophisticated media campaign that has helped make its multimillionaire creator, J K Rodham, the world's most widely unread author.
It's hard to imagine now, but just a few years ago Rodham was financially dependent on the government, living in dreary public housing in an obscure part of Little Rock, and separated from her husband for a few hours while he was over at his brother's testing the new hot tub with a couple of cocktail waitresses. It was then that the soon to be world-famous author came up with her incredible plot: an adolescent with magical powers who saves the world from the dark forces.
The result was Billy Clinter and the Philosophers Stoned, in which young Billy attends a party at Oxford and discovers his amazing ability to smoke but not inhale. With that first fantastic adventure of the shy misunderstood boy blessed - and burdened - with the awesome power to feel your pain with just one touch, young Billy Clinter became the world's most popular schoolboy.
Then came Billy Clinter and the Gusset of Fire, in which the vast right-wing conspiracy led by the sinister Lord Newt and Doleful Bob plant a hogtail disguised as a house elf in his hotel room in Little Hangleton. The elf tricks Billy into revealing his pocket sneakoscope and she glimpses its remarkable distinguishing characteristics, the strange lightning bolt along the side that signals the tremendous potency of his Slytherin Beaubaton. After this narrow escape, the young wizard gets into yet more scrapes in Billy Clinter and the Prisoner of Azkansas, in which Rodham tells the story of how young Billy and his much brainier friend, Hillary Granger, finally escape Azkansas after being trapped there for far longer than Hillary had expected to be.
But in the fourth volume events take a grim turn, as the careless schoolboy becomes aware that Professor Starr has in his laboratory a magic dress that could destroy all his and Hillary's plans. In Billy Clinter and the Chamber of Semen, Billy realises that he splinched while he was apparating, which had never happened before. This is all the fault of Moaning Monica, the intern who haunts the anteroom at Housewhites and has the rare power of Parcelmouth, the ability to look into the eye of the Basilisk, the world's smallest snake, without being petrified. Is she a Niffler or a Death Eater? Billy cannot be sure. He looks to Housewhites' giant shambling groundskeeper Reno to protect him, but she's busy raining down fire on strange cults. As the book ends, their old friend Albus Bumblegore fails to become Headmaster of Housewhites after insufficient chads are found in his sorting hat.
With each new adventure, critics have predicted that the eternal schoolboy has run his course. But he keeps coming back. None the less, there were strange rumours this time that J K Rodham was preparing to kill off the most popular character. It's been known for a while that she sees the series' future depending more on the much brainier though somewhat unlikeable Hillary Granger and the four female ghosts who write all her words.
According to the prepublicity, the latest book - Living History: the Bulk Order of the Phoenix - would see Hillary rise from the ashes yet again, step out of Billy's shadow and prepare to take Housewhites back from the evil usurper Lord W Bush (as fans know, the W stands for Woldemort, but by tradition the name is never said). But instead it's mostly hundreds of pages about who Hillary sat by at the many school dinners she's attended, with a brief passage about when Billy told her about Moaning Monica. According to the book, after spending the summer golfing with Uncle Vernon Jordan, he admits to Hillary that, although he did play quidditch, he never put his bludger in the golden snitch. Hillary thinks this is a lot of hufflepuff and, although he doesn't die, Billy finds himself under an impediment curse which means that for the rest of the book he hardly gets to take his wand out at all and Uncle Vernon starts calling him Nearly Headless Bill.
But has the series lost touch with its original fans? Many of those young readers from a decade ago are now in their mid-50s and may have difficulty still believing in fantastical tales about boys who don't inhale and girls who can't remember where they placed their billing records. "Oh, you say that every time," chuckles J K Rodham. "Believe me, they'll still be swallowing this stuff 20 years from now."
From Mark Steyn.....
| You Have a Choleric Temperament |
 Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect FOR THE FIRST 18 BEERS. Your mind is your primary weapon, BUT OCCASIONALLY MISFIRES. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall, ESPECIALLY SHEETROCK WALLS WHEN YOU AR ANGRY. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. mUAHAHAHAHA At your worst, you are STILL THE COOLEST THING GOING. SOMEWHAT Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right AND EVERYONE ELSI IS A DUMBASS. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior. |
Nope. I'm still in my PJs. On Monday I did actually have to go meet with a client and when putting on my suit and nylons my son wanted to know what is going on.
Me Too !
ESPECIALLY BEER & BREASTSESTS.
Yeah I've missed you guys.
Cute...
Well, I dont actually own PJ's so it's sweats for me.....
Ah, someone noticed the edits. A for the day for you.
Sorry about the caps lock stuff earlier. i lost my glasses and can't see anything. Old age sucks!
AAAARRGH! Sone of them are still good!!!
Hey, it comes 2.718281828
Nice to see ya!!
Jammies! Who wears those! At most, I wear only my jockey shorts. Mostly in the raw. Drives the wife nuts especially in the winter.
Hey there JW - where ya been?
Last we chatted several of us recommended Napolean Dynamite to you - did you check it out?
You rule!
(Even though that's not my preferred kind of pic - LOL)
See post #96 for a laugh..
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