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THE SITUATION ROOM (WITH WOLF BLITZER - HILARIOUS!)
WAZZADEM
| 12/5/05
| JOHN
Posted on 12/05/2005 7:14:51 AM PST by areafiftyone
The Situation Room
![Sitrm1 Sitrm1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm1.jpg)
I'm Wolf Blitzer. To our viewers, you are in The Situation Room, where new pictures and information are arriving all the time. Standing by, CNN reporters across the United States and around the world to bring you the day's top stories happening now.
![Sitrm1 Sitrm1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm1.jpg)
It's 3 a.m. in Iraq, let's check in with Nic Robertson, who's on the ground in Baghdad. Nic, it looks like it's pitch-black there.
![Nicdrk Nicdrk](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicdrk.jpg)
Indeed, Wolf, it's so dark that you can't see your hand in front of your face, and at this hour an eerie quiet has...
![Niclite Niclite](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/niclite.jpg)
Turn the light off!
![Nicdrk Nicdrk](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicdrk.jpg)
As I was saying, Wolf...
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Excuse me, Nic, but where are you right now?
![Nicdrk Nicdrk](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicdrk.jpg)
I'm in a very dangerous area of...oh, crap.
![Niclite Niclite](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/niclite.jpg)
I'm in my kitchen.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Why aren't you in Baghdad?
![Niclite Niclite](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/niclite.jpg)
It's kind of hard to explain. It's just that my...my...
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Your what?
![Wifenic Wifenic](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/wifenic.jpg)
His wife, that's what. Who's supposed to keep this house up while Nic's running all over the globe for you?
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Mrs. Roberts, I...
![Nicwife Nicwife](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicwife.jpg)
I can handle this, dear.
![Wifenic Wifenic](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/wifenic.jpg)
Of course you can. You've done a smashing job handling it so far, haven't you?
![Nicwife Nicwife](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicwife.jpg)
I don't think we need to go into this on...
![Wifenic Wifenic](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/wifenic.jpg)
You know what I've been handling? Fourteen pair of underwear full of sand, that's what I've been handling.
![Nicwife Nicwife](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nicwife.jpg)
Honey...
![Wifenic Wifenic](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/wifenic.jpg)
How does a person get sand in the crotch of his underwear?
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Mrs. Roberts, he is a reporter, and travel is part of his job.
![Wifenic Wifenic](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/wifenic.jpg)
Why don't you tell that to my daughter? Amelia, the mean man wants to send your daddy away again.
![Nickid Nickid](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/nickid.jpg)
Please don't send my daddy away again, mean man.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Nic Robertson, checking in from...Nic Robertson checking in with us. Thanks for that report, Nic.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
You're in The Situation Room. Let's go to New York, where Jack Cafferty is standing by with your e-mail. Hello, Jack.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Hello, Wolf. How about that Nic Robertson, huh? Talk about whipped!
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
I don't know if I'd say that.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Get real, Blitzer. I bet the guy has to squat to take a pee.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Well...
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
And that wife of his - what a shrew!
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
I don't think you should say that about his wife, Jack.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm just glad to see he has a wife. Always thought he was a little light in the loafers, if you know what I'm saying.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Yes, I know what you're saying, but...
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
If you ask me, most of those English guys are.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Why don't we change the subject, Jack.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Sure. Let's talk about my role on this show. Seems to me I remember some talk of a position as co-host.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
That's really not my call, Jack.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
You think I can't cut it? I was reading copy when you were in your diapers, Blitzer.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
No one's saying you can't cut it.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Think I don't get offers? I get offers. I'm in demand.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Can we please just get to the e-mail?
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Fine, have it your way. The question this hour was "What do you think of the show so far?"
![Cq1 Cq1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cq1.jpg)
Bill writes "Doesn't this show ever end? It seems like The Situation Room is the only show on CNN any more..."
![Cq2 Cq2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cq2.jpg)
"which would be all right if it didn't suck. I swear, the next time I see Wolf Blitzer's face I'm going to drive an ice pick into my ear."
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
I don't think Bill likes the show, Wolf.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
I picked up on that.
![Cq3_1 Cq3_1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cq3_1.jpg)
Dave writes "Wasn't Jack Cafferty supposed to co-host this show? What, you think he can't cut it, Blitzer?"
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Jack.
![Cq3_1 Cq3_1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cq3_1.jpg)
"Come on, the guy was still reading copy when you were in diapers."
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Jack!
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
What is it, Wolf?
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
Nothing. Thanks for checking in, I'll see you tomorrow.
![Cfrt Cfrt](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/cfrt.jpg)
Yeah, don't let your meat loaf.
![Sitrm2_2 Sitrm2_2](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sitrm2_2.jpg)
You're in The Situation Room. We're going to take a short break, then move into hour seven of The Situation Room...Here on...You know, The Situation Room.
![Sit_title_1 Sit_title_1](http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/sit_title_1.jpg)
You're in The Situation Room.
To be continued(?)
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: biasmeanslayoffs; cnn; dterior8ingsituation; humor; mrsrobertsonisahotty; schadenfreude; southparkesque; wuzzadem
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: areafiftyone
Are you sure this is satire?
2
posted on
12/05/2005 7:20:05 AM PST
by
atomicpossum
(Replies should be as pedantic as possible. I love that so much.)
To: atomicpossum
3
posted on
12/05/2005 7:20:48 AM PST
by
areafiftyone
(Politicians Are Like Diapers, Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason!)
To: areafiftyone
4
posted on
12/05/2005 7:21:16 AM PST
by
mwyounce
To: areafiftyone
I don't get it. Who is this bearded, humorless parody of a Santa Claus named Smurf Blitzkreig and why does he warrant a microphone?
/ sarc
GREAT POST!
5
posted on
12/05/2005 7:22:18 AM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Blurblogger
He does look like a smurf doesn't he? Or one of the seven Dwarfs!
6
posted on
12/05/2005 7:26:34 AM PST
by
areafiftyone
(Politicians Are Like Diapers, Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason!)
To: areafiftyone; bert; rightinthemiddle; The Iguana; Impeach98; Liz
Wolf is a moral dwarf without the courage to tell the truth.
Selling his soul in daily chunks for a comfortable living with the knowledge that he and CNN are deliberately lying and deceiving millions of people.
There must be a special place in Hell for such.
Prayers up for their repentance. They need a genuine Christmas themselves.
7
posted on
12/05/2005 7:43:03 AM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: areafiftyone
![](http://www.webgroups.us/thecurbforums/images/smiles/roflmao2.gif)
That was hilarious!
8
posted on
12/05/2005 9:02:58 AM PST
by
Semper Vigilantis
(Peace comes from having superior firepower, the will to use it, and a very short fuse.)
To: areafiftyone; bitt; NYTexan; weegee; nutmeg; Howlin; Calpernia
9
posted on
12/05/2005 12:59:58 PM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Blurblogger
That was funny, but I got a lot of red X's.
10
posted on
12/05/2005 3:23:59 PM PST
by
NYTexan
(Where is MY Global Warming???)
To: .cnI redruM; 537cant be wrong; 68 grunt; A. Patriot; A_Conservative_Chinese; ...
To: areafiftyone; EveningStar
LOL! Well done and well pinged, Evening Star, thanks!
12
posted on
12/05/2005 4:26:45 PM PST
by
HairOfTheDog
(Join the Hobbit Hole Troop Support - http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/ 1,000 knives and counting!)
To: areafiftyone
13
posted on
12/05/2005 4:27:26 PM PST
by
Dog Gone
To: EveningStar
heheheheheh
Thanks for the ping
14
posted on
12/05/2005 4:29:35 PM PST
by
hattend
(Roast a Tookie for Christmas.)
To: HairOfTheDog
Here is a direct link to the article.
To: areafiftyone
16
posted on
12/05/2005 4:41:53 PM PST
by
Sociopathocracy
(Real martinis do not contain vodka, fruit juice or umbrellas.)
To: areafiftyone
Good stuff. I don't think Wolfie is going to like you very much.
17
posted on
12/05/2005 4:53:05 PM PST
by
doug from upland
(The troops will come home when the mission is complete)
To: areafiftyone
...Mighty Fine Work. :D
18
posted on
12/05/2005 5:06:29 PM PST
by
skinkinthegrass
(Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you :^)
To: areafiftyone
This is going to give algore's pod channel a real run for the money.
19
posted on
12/05/2005 5:26:52 PM PST
by
TC Rider
(The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.)
To: EveningStar; Zacs Mom; PhilDragoo; Happy2BMe; potlatch; ntnychik; Smartass; Boazo; Alamo-Girl; ...
please add me to your ping list!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hey, gang, check this out!!
20
posted on
12/05/2005 6:17:01 PM PST
by
bitt
('More bad news for the terrorists: This president is no Lyndon Johnson. He won't quit.')
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