Skip to comments.
THE SITUATION ROOM (WITH WOLF BLITZER - HILARIOUS!)
WAZZADEM
| 12/5/05
| JOHN
Posted on 12/05/2005 7:14:51 AM PST by areafiftyone
The Situation Room
I'm Wolf Blitzer. To our viewers, you are in The Situation Room, where new pictures and information are arriving all the time. Standing by, CNN reporters across the United States and around the world to bring you the day's top stories happening now.
It's 3 a.m. in Iraq, let's check in with Nic Robertson, who's on the ground in Baghdad. Nic, it looks like it's pitch-black there.
Indeed, Wolf, it's so dark that you can't see your hand in front of your face, and at this hour an eerie quiet has...
Turn the light off!
As I was saying, Wolf...
Excuse me, Nic, but where are you right now?
I'm in a very dangerous area of...oh, crap.
I'm in my kitchen.
Why aren't you in Baghdad?
It's kind of hard to explain. It's just that my...my...
Your what?
His wife, that's what. Who's supposed to keep this house up while Nic's running all over the globe for you?
Mrs. Roberts, I...
I can handle this, dear.
Of course you can. You've done a smashing job handling it so far, haven't you?
I don't think we need to go into this on...
You know what I've been handling? Fourteen pair of underwear full of sand, that's what I've been handling.
Honey...
How does a person get sand in the crotch of his underwear?
Mrs. Roberts, he is a reporter, and travel is part of his job.
Why don't you tell that to my daughter? Amelia, the mean man wants to send your daddy away again.
Please don't send my daddy away again, mean man.
Nic Robertson, checking in from...Nic Robertson checking in with us. Thanks for that report, Nic.
You're in The Situation Room. Let's go to New York, where Jack Cafferty is standing by with your e-mail. Hello, Jack.
Hello, Wolf. How about that Nic Robertson, huh? Talk about whipped!
I don't know if I'd say that.
Get real, Blitzer. I bet the guy has to squat to take a pee.
Well...
And that wife of his - what a shrew!
I don't think you should say that about his wife, Jack.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm just glad to see he has a wife. Always thought he was a little light in the loafers, if you know what I'm saying.
Yes, I know what you're saying, but...
If you ask me, most of those English guys are.
Why don't we change the subject, Jack.
Sure. Let's talk about my role on this show. Seems to me I remember some talk of a position as co-host.
That's really not my call, Jack.
You think I can't cut it? I was reading copy when you were in your diapers, Blitzer.
No one's saying you can't cut it.
Think I don't get offers? I get offers. I'm in demand.
Can we please just get to the e-mail?
Fine, have it your way. The question this hour was "What do you think of the show so far?"
Bill writes "Doesn't this show ever end? It seems like The Situation Room is the only show on CNN any more..."
"which would be all right if it didn't suck. I swear, the next time I see Wolf Blitzer's face I'm going to drive an ice pick into my ear."
I don't think Bill likes the show, Wolf.
I picked up on that.
Dave writes "Wasn't Jack Cafferty supposed to co-host this show? What, you think he can't cut it, Blitzer?"
Jack.
"Come on, the guy was still reading copy when you were in diapers."
Jack!
What is it, Wolf?
Nothing. Thanks for checking in, I'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah, don't let your meat loaf.
You're in The Situation Room. We're going to take a short break, then move into hour seven of The Situation Room...Here on...You know, The Situation Room.
You're in The Situation Room.
To be continued(?)
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: biasmeanslayoffs; cnn; dterior8ingsituation; humor; mrsrobertsonisahotty; schadenfreude; southparkesque; wuzzadem
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-20, 21-40, 41-60, 61-71 next last
To: areafiftyone
Are you sure this is satire?
2
posted on
12/05/2005 7:20:05 AM PST
by
atomicpossum
(Replies should be as pedantic as possible. I love that so much.)
To: atomicpossum
3
posted on
12/05/2005 7:20:48 AM PST
by
areafiftyone
(Politicians Are Like Diapers, Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason!)
To: areafiftyone
4
posted on
12/05/2005 7:21:16 AM PST
by
mwyounce
To: areafiftyone
I don't get it. Who is this bearded, humorless parody of a Santa Claus named Smurf Blitzkreig and why does he warrant a microphone?
/ sarc
GREAT POST!
5
posted on
12/05/2005 7:22:18 AM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Blurblogger
He does look like a smurf doesn't he? Or one of the seven Dwarfs!
6
posted on
12/05/2005 7:26:34 AM PST
by
areafiftyone
(Politicians Are Like Diapers, Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason!)
To: areafiftyone; bert; rightinthemiddle; The Iguana; Impeach98; Liz
Wolf is a moral dwarf without the courage to tell the truth.
Selling his soul in daily chunks for a comfortable living with the knowledge that he and CNN are deliberately lying and deceiving millions of people.
There must be a special place in Hell for such.
Prayers up for their repentance. They need a genuine Christmas themselves.
7
posted on
12/05/2005 7:43:03 AM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: areafiftyone
That was hilarious!
8
posted on
12/05/2005 9:02:58 AM PST
by
Semper Vigilantis
(Peace comes from having superior firepower, the will to use it, and a very short fuse.)
To: areafiftyone; bitt; NYTexan; weegee; nutmeg; Howlin; Calpernia
9
posted on
12/05/2005 12:59:58 PM PST
by
The Spirit Of Allegiance
(SAVE THE BRAINFOREST! Boycott the RED Dead Tree Media & NUKE the DNC Class Action Temper Tantrum!)
To: Blurblogger
That was funny, but I got a lot of red X's.
10
posted on
12/05/2005 3:23:59 PM PST
by
NYTexan
(Where is MY Global Warming???)
To: .cnI redruM; 537cant be wrong; 68 grunt; A. Patriot; A_Conservative_Chinese; ...
To: areafiftyone; EveningStar
LOL! Well done and well pinged, Evening Star, thanks!
12
posted on
12/05/2005 4:26:45 PM PST
by
HairOfTheDog
(Join the Hobbit Hole Troop Support - http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/ 1,000 knives and counting!)
To: areafiftyone
13
posted on
12/05/2005 4:27:26 PM PST
by
Dog Gone
To: EveningStar
heheheheheh
Thanks for the ping
14
posted on
12/05/2005 4:29:35 PM PST
by
hattend
(Roast a Tookie for Christmas.)
To: HairOfTheDog
Here is a direct link to the article.
To: areafiftyone
16
posted on
12/05/2005 4:41:53 PM PST
by
Sociopathocracy
(Real martinis do not contain vodka, fruit juice or umbrellas.)
To: areafiftyone
Good stuff. I don't think Wolfie is going to like you very much.
17
posted on
12/05/2005 4:53:05 PM PST
by
doug from upland
(The troops will come home when the mission is complete)
To: areafiftyone
...Mighty Fine Work. :D
18
posted on
12/05/2005 5:06:29 PM PST
by
skinkinthegrass
(Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you :^)
To: areafiftyone
This is going to give algore's pod channel a real run for the money.
19
posted on
12/05/2005 5:26:52 PM PST
by
TC Rider
(The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.)
To: EveningStar; Zacs Mom; PhilDragoo; Happy2BMe; potlatch; ntnychik; Smartass; Boazo; Alamo-Girl; ...
please add me to your ping list!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hey, gang, check this out!!
20
posted on
12/05/2005 6:17:01 PM PST
by
bitt
('More bad news for the terrorists: This president is no Lyndon Johnson. He won't quit.')
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-20, 21-40, 41-60, 61-71 next last
Disclaimer:
Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual
posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its
management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the
exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson