Swalwell Vows Vengeance [semi-satire]

Buoyed by his Party's success in the recent election, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) told Symone Sanders, co-host for MSNBC's The Weeknight, "we will win the mid-term elections next November. When we are a majority in both the House and Senate we will put a stop to the Republicans' frivolous investigations of past alleged misdeeds by Democrats and plunge into Democrat investigations of current crimes being committed by Trump and his minions. On January 3, 2027 we will introduce impeachment resolutions against Trump, Vance, and every member of the Cabinet. Criminal charges will be brought against all of them who do not immediately resign. Every policy Trump has initiated will be reversed."

Sanders asked "how will you be able to accomplish all this? Aren't you facing possible criminal charges for mortgage fraud? You list your home in Washington as your principal residence and show no residence in your California Congressional District. How can you be sure you'll still be in Congress?"

"I have a motel room where live in my district when I have to be in California, but I keep it confidential so Trump's thugs can't find it and murder me," the Representative replied. "I'm hoping the court will understand my dilemma and dismiss the mortgage fraud charges."

"If there were a plan to murder you couldn't they just do it wherever and whenever you come from or go to your home in DC?" Sanders wondered.

"Well, that's one of the reasons I might run for governor in California," Swalwell said. "My friends say I'd be the ideal replacement for Gov. Newsom who is term-limited out-of-office. And the current front-runner Katie Porter is such a bitch that I ought to run just to save California from having such a nasty chief executive."

Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) Director William Pulte pointed out that "Article I, Section 2 of the US Constitution says members of Congress are required to be inhabitants of the state they represent at the time of their election. Presumably, such an inhabitance would be the congressman's principal residence."

Swalwell argued that "as long as I am residing in California on election day I have met the Constitution's requirement. It doesn't say it has to be my principal residence. From a practical standpoint, since my place of employment is at the Nation's Capitol it is logical that my home there would be my principal residence. In my mind, the whole 'inhabitant of the state I represent' thing is obsolete. It may have made sense when Congress only met for a couple of months once each year. Now we meet year-round in DC with a just few breaks during the year and we aren't specifically required to visit the state we represent during these breaks."

Speaking of where people want to live, 40% of American women aged 15-44 say they would move to another country if they could. President Trump is reported to be considering whether to offer them assistance. "I like it when people are happy," Trump said. "Helping some of the disgruntled to leave would increase the average level of happiness in America. If they're willing to renounce their US citizenship I think we can make a deal that will benefit all parties."

Swallwell has zero leverage

Oh no! The big gasser!

3 posted on 11/16/2025 10:55:20 AM PST by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer” )

“Speaking of where people want to live, 40% of American women aged 15-44 say they would move to another country if they could. President Trump is reported to be considering whether to offer them assistance.”

Other countries wouldn’t want these harpies.

So Swallow is now in Stage 4 TDS.

5 posted on 11/16/2025 1:29:54 PM PST by maddog55 (The only thing systemic in America is the left's hatred of it!)

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