Ukraine to Become 51st US State? [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 May 2024 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Calling himself "a nervous wreck" after the prolonged struggle in the US Congress over whether to extend more aid to him, Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelensky is "working on a new, more secure status for my country. Whether aid will or won't be given to a foreign country is too 'iffy' to ensure we won't be engulfed by Russia. Even if we are allowed to join NATO there would always be a chance that a future US President or Congress would demand we defend ourselves. It is clear to me now that the only way we can be free from Russian domination is to become a US state."

US Secretary of State Tony Blinken acknowledged that "talks are already underway regarding the best path forward on the possibility of making Ukraine the 51st state. While there are some logistical issues that still have to be sorted out, President Biden has approved the idea. There are mutual security benefits to such a move. Admitting Ukraine to the union would clearly communicate a 'hands off' warning to Moscow. We could place US troops at the front as part of the federal government's constitutional obligation to guarantee every state a democratic form of government."

"There would also be significant shared cultural values," the Secretary added. "Ukraine shares the same devotion to woke values as we do here in the US. Russia does not. Rather than openly celebrating the LGBTQ as we do, Russia insists that alternative sexuality be restricted to adults and done privately. They don't allow people to choose the pronouns others must use when addressing them. Russia also sentences pedophiles to death. Finally, adding another 15 to 20 million new Democrat voters to our population would help protect our democracy from its right-wing enemies. The biggest question is whether we can get this done before November."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,531047.new.html#new

[PGR88]

If Ukraine became a 51st State, then Democrats would immediately stop defending its borders.

[Navy Patriot]

Ukraine to Become 51st US State?

Yep, the GloboHomoPedoNazi State!

[jimwatx]

I sure hope this is satire. Making Ukraine a state is about the last thing we need.

[Redmen4ever]

Admitting a place as a state sends a pretty clear message as to the commitment of the U.S. to defend the place. What about Taiwan and Israel?

[John Semmens]

Taiwan & Israel have not yet made the required payments to the Biden Family Syndicate

[Chad C. Mulligan]

I sure hope this is satire.

Of course it is. But it WOULD be a better 51st state than Puerto Rico!

[ransomnote]

I think the Ukraine already gets funds common to most states - I would say they are already a "Welfare State of America".

When I read stories about the US funding the Ukraine's salaries, pensions etc. in addition to the weapons funding (north of $130 Billion), I wonder how much money the US is really providing. For example, the black ops wing of our government does not have to report funding to Congress - so no one knows how many billions we really give them.

In the General/Chat forum, on a thread titled Ukraine War Map Shows Russian Offensive Stalling After Avdiivka Win, bimboeruption wrote:

Marcus and his zeeper pals don’t care if the taxpayers of this country are stripped of every cent they have.

According to a Feb. 2023 report by the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), we are funding the salaries of 618,000 Ukrainian educators, 517,000 health workers, and 56,500 first responders.

We are paying to sustain Ukraine’s critical healthcare services, meet its pension responsibilities for 9.8 million people, assist 1.3 million internally displaced persons, provide housing assistance to 4.1 million people, and provide social assistance to 240,000 low-income families and 480,000 persons with disabilities.

We subsidize Ukraine’s small businesses, buy seeds and fertilizer for Ukrainian farmers and fund divers who clear unexploded ammunition from the country’s rivers to make them safe again for swimming and fishing.

Americans pay to secure Ukraine’s borders while millions of welfare seeking barbarians and terrorists flood through ours.

But the only thing that matters to zeepers is “Slava Ukraini!”

[ransomnote]

It's amazing how much of the US Treasury is being emptied into the Ukraine to protect the DNC's money laundering operation and the source of election interference, child trafficking, organ harvesting etc. etc.

https://www.tvr.by/eng/news/v_mire/kongressvumen_ssha_ukraina_51_y_shtat_ssha/

Marjorie Taylor Greene, member of the US House of Representatives:

I call it a funded war. Washington supports Ukraine, we give them $1 billion dollars every month, and it has nothing to do with the war. We pay for their government, we pay their salaries, their pensions. We fund their entire government. I call Ukraine the 51st state because Washington loves Ukraine so much, they just love Zelensky and Ukraine. But when it started, I said why are we doing this, it doesn't make any sense.
"We have so many problems back home and people in my district are suffering, people have lost their businesses, they can't pay their rent. Elderly people can't choose between food and medicine, our border is overcrowded, people are dying every single day. But all of a sudden all the Republicans started carrying Ukrainian flags in their little front pockets. It was like I was in the wrong country,"

[Scrambler Bob]

Maybe the 58th state.