Posted on 01/16/2015 11:40:57 PM PST by John Semmens
While attempting not appear to condone the murder of the Hebdo staff and the Jewish hostages at a kosher supermarket in Paris last week, President Obama blamed France's failure to integrate Muslims into their society.
"The fact is, Europe has done a poor job of making Muslim immigrants feel welcome," Obama said. "In country after country Muslims are isolated in ghetto-like conditions rather than dispersed among the general population like they are in the United States."
The President dismissed contentions that the concentration of Muslims into enclaves was by choice. "The Muslim way of life has very specific requirements," Obama asserted. "Practitioners need to be free to drop down wherever they are to answer the five daily calls to prayer. Men need to be free to walk the streets without being lured into raping uncovered women or being assaulted by the aroma of roasting pork. They need to be secure from insults to their faith. General European societies do not meet these requirements. So Muslims are forced to try to insulate themselves from a depraved environment."
"Tracking down and arresting or killing the perpetrators of attacks like those we saw in Paris is too little, too late," the President contended. "A proactive policy of accommodating the needs of the Muslim faith would interdict the sources of animosity before they explode into violence. If communities could provide convenient sites for prayer so that Muslims wouldn't have to block streets, if women were more fully clothed in public, if only halal foods were offered, Muslims would feel more at home and have less cause for anger."
An important component of the President's vision of a "proactive policy" is "the prevention of offensive journalism." "A responsible media would not engage in the dissemination of words or pictures that disturb Islamic jihadis," Press Secretary Josh Earnest alleged. "Americans can be assured that the President will take the steps he deems necessary to see that this doesn't happen here."
In related news, Secretary of State John Kerry defended the Administration's decision to send James Taylor to France to sing one of his hit songs--"You've Got a Friend"--in lieu of joining other heads-of-state who marched for press freedom and against Islamic extremism. "The march conveyed an 'us vs. them' image that President Obama feels undermines his efforts to find common ground with Muslims driven to violence," Kerry explained. "We both believe that 'music has charms to soothe a savage breast.' A song about friendship will do more to abate anger on both sides than an 'in-your-face' defense of the free speech rights of purveyors of blasphemy. Even the Pope is in agreement with us on this."
Kerry has also offered to "give a big hug" to anyone in Paris who wants one. Thus far there have been no takers.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=159521.new#new
ping
Here is something that isn’t satire or humorous: when a bunch of deranged muslims kill dozens of infidels, it is has nothing to do with Islam. When infidels draw pictures of Islamic icons, it is surely Islamophobic.
Again, satire and reality are almost indistinguishable.
Almost everything in your piece is taken from comments made by people in O’s inner circle if not by O himself.
This really is how they think and what they say.
I don’t know if it is hard or easy to write satire when your subjects almost write it for you.
In any case, well done. Again.
Well done, John. The only problem is obama and his administration have actually said things almost indistinguishable from what you wrote.
Hugs?
Bwa hah!
If everyone in the world would simply submit to Islam, the problem would be solved.
Great one again, John, too close to the truth.
BTW, SWAMPSNIPER, I think you have cured me of any notions I ever had about a career in politics.
Be careful. Channeling Obama is risky.
Even the Pope is in agreement with us on this.
Ouch. Richly deserved, but still ouch.
Je Suis Eskimo!
"Huntsville, Alabama's W.F. Burns Middle School Principal Priscilla Holley sent a letter home with students asking the parents of each of them to equip their child with 8 ounces of canned goods that the student would use as a weapon against armed intruders. The idea is that the possibility of being hit by a can of beans would deter gunmen from harming the children."
They actually think children are going to line up and send expired cans of veggie's at an armed attacker - instead of actually arming some staff members...
Liberals Gone Wild!
I’m confused: this is labeled as “Satire.”
This could be a news story... Amazing satire.
Are you telling the truth? Or are you a budding John Semmens?
I posted the story after this post...it is on there from the 10th of Jan...
Are you sure this is satire.....or is it a preview of his State of The Union Address?
Are you sure this is satire.....or is it a preview of his State of The Union Address?
Uhmerican translation--- Submit or die.
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