Posted on 11/19/2013 4:37:03 AM PST by ClaytonP
In my last post I explained why it makes logical sense for men to greatly limit the amount of “courtship” they offer women in today’s post sexual revolution sexual and marriage marketplace (SMP & MMP). But this leaves the question of what this means for women, and how they should rationally respond to men’s rational choices.
For women who want to meet and marry a suitable man.
The key to answering the question involves understanding the woman’s primary objective. If the goal is to maximize the amount of courtship she receives, skip below to the section on courting for sex. If a woman’s goal is to meet a suitable husband and get married, then she should focus on that goal and not worry about how much courtship she soaks up in the process. There is nothing magical about meal at a restaurant or other forms of semi-expensive entertainment which conveys the important character traits of a prospective husband. At best these serve as a (very poor) barometer of the man’s financial success.
Many women would also argue that a man spending money on her during a date (especially early dates) expresses a sincere desire to get to know her. In this sense paying for a date serves as a sort of courting earnest money; it demonstrates that the man has some skin in the game. However, the reason women want this proof-of-seriousness is exactly why it isn’t rational for men to offer it. In the past courtship was not only restricted in duration, but it was also generally restricted to people in the man and woman’s extended social circle. While the couple might be strangers to each other, there were generally enough social connections for them (or their families) to learn some basic information about the status and character of the other person before deciding to court. If a man had a history of being a scoundrel, the woman could learn this without ever agreeing to court him. Likewise, if a woman had a history of not taking courtship seriously and stringing along suitors, the man could learn this upfront.
Contrast the past with today, where large numbers of women not only want to extend their period of courtship to a decade and a half, but where they want to date extensively outside of their extended social circle. Anytime you are dealing with strangers it creates a trust deficit. Since men are traditionally the ones who bear the risks in courtship, it isn’t surprising that women want men to demonstrate their seriousness first. However, the problem is that women aren’t doing anything similar in kind. Commenter Robert Slanton linked to an article about a Toronto woman who uses online dating as a source of free meals and entertainment. The problem with women expecting men to expend money on getting to know them is the issue of trusting a stranger runs both ways. While the Toronto woman is unusual in her brazenness, she isn’t the only woman to figure out that online dating is a way to get free dinners.
I assume at this point some of my female readers are saying:
But I’m not like that, and since I’m not men should be willing to pay for a date if they want to get to know me!
Of course you aren’t. But how can a man find out you aren’t like that?
He just needs to ask me on a date and get to know me.
Women who think this way aren’t thinking this all the way through. They are saying men should pay upfront to find out if they are serious or not. The problem is, this makes it nearly impossible to avoid becoming the dupe for women like the one in Toronto. The only way to know she isn’t gaming the system is to enable other women to game the system.
The good news.
As I mentioned before, there is nothing magical about a paid date when it comes to getting to know someone. Men and women can get to know each other and experience attraction for each other in a huge variety of casual and formal interactions. The average woman complaining about not being able to “meet men” (date) has in fact already met very large numbers of single men. Casting a wide net is an excellent idea, but the perception of abundanc can at times create a perception that the woman is in a different SMP and especially MMP league than she really is. However, even with this and men’s general pullback from courtship the vast majority of young women do still manage to marry. With this in mind, here is my advice to women looking to find a husband:
Courting for sex.
If the goal is maximum courtship, then a woman should (logically, not morally) choose to be courted for sex. There are a number of ways to go about this same basic goal, including looking for a one night hookup, a fling, or a boyfriend. Given the basic similarities between these things, the strategy for finding such men is essentially the same. Many women also use hookups as their intended path to finding a husband.
Being courted for sex is a woman’s best chance to soak up maximum attention and resources from men because the payoff tends to be immediate. While it is fairly unlikely that a woman will marry in the near term, the chances that she will have casual sex in the same time frame are much higher. By moving into this space you lower the risks for men who offer you courtship and will therefore have more takers.
Keep in mind that men who best know how to woo for sex also know that paying for dates before you have sex with them is a terrible bet. However, if you are pleasant and attractive enough and continue having sex with them they will be more likely to pay for dates. Note that players have turned the tables here, and it is now women who have to first demonstrate skin in the game.
Slim’s first rule of romance:
“What initially attracts, eventually dismays.”
From: Here
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My father’s rule was ‘three dates’. If after three dates you’re not willing to marry the person (not that you have to get married after three dates, but the direction of the relationship has to be established) then you need to move on to the next person. He felt it wasn’t fair to the man or woman to waste their time with a person who would never be a partner. My mother was 14 when she met my father - who was 16 at the time - they fell in love - got married after their second year of college and loved each other their whole lives...
...and the maternity ward...I hear those chicks put out!
Well someone has to tell them that they’re going about it all the wrong ways.
Sounds like they're in desperate need of some advice, if you ask me...
The biggest complement I ever had was was hearing my teenage daughter tell my wife she wants a relationship like her parents have. This opened the whole conversation about how young men and women should interact.
There is nothing new under the sun, all of this certainly is not new and we old folks have something to offer. I just wish my parents hand taught me more about relationships when I was young.
I’ve got a very nice pontoon boat (24’ Manitou SHP. 41.1 mph top end. Very maneuverable. Two live wells, very comfortable to fish or ski in. All the bells and whistles.) With a very good motor (175 HP Yamaha).
Just don’t have the good woman to ride it with me. :)
At least once.
Lose weight and go hunting:-) you eat what you kill. Seriously though, anyone who complains and then asks the audience to explain an incongruent situation plants seeds of doubt as to whether they acknowledge, or even are aware of, the rest of the story. “The truth is out there.”
Seriously, lose 11 pounds, 200 is a tipping point. Price yourself at 199 ...
Wise rule
Fat and Ugly means “not even in the market”
Well, try the local library committee, volunteer at a school, most teachers are women and a lot are single. Volunteer at a hospital or even a veterinary clinic, again a lot of the other volunteers and paid staff are female. Last, the Appalachian Hiking Club is famous for men meeting lots of women.
You’re a Christian but the venues I’ve mentioned are places good-hearted women cluster. I can’t guarantee a Christian but a good non-Christian shouldn’t be discounted unless that’s a non-starter for you.
I’d recommend making looks very much a secondary consideration. The looks will go. The personality you’ll live with (hopefully) for the rest of your life.
I’ve known some nice, pretty women, but not many.
Looks are overrated. By the time you're in your 60's there just isn't much left by the time age, sun, fat, and gravity have taken its toll.
I know people who would qualify that way and after getting to know them better, would not change the way they look for anything.
Now I know why you’re mad as hell: they have to swear off relationships for the first year. Must be frustrating, huh? If you want to meet alcoholic sluts, head over to College Democrats. You just might want to double-bag it though, if you know what i mean. And leave the lights off. *Shudder*
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