Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

Visit The Poet's Eye

[ColdOne]

Ha ha boy have I had some of those days....not a happy kitteh.

[Tax-chick]

It’s nice to have a 24-hour store.

The package bunneh has arrived already. Tom is very pleased with his new hat, and he’s writing a letter right now.

[Monkey Face]

:o])>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You ROCK, Tom!

[Monkey Face]

Since the hat is virgin wool, it should help to keep the moisture out and the heat in, so I hope it does its job on his camp out.

[Monkey Face]

As the former freeper tiamat used to say, “Some days, it just doesn’t pay to chew through the restraints!”

[Tax-chick]

I was sorry when Tiamat left. She was fun. We shared an interest in belly dancing and vegetarian cooking.

[Monkey Face]

She’s actually on Darwin Central, if you’re interested. I haven’t emailed her for a while, but she’s still there! Lots of folks we know are there!

Happily married, now. She sent photos of her wedding. (Two years ago?)

[Anoreth]

I got a new cell phone. Later I may call. But not at 11 at night. I also got a Batman sweatshirt. It has ears on the hood.

[Tax-chick]

I’m glad she’s happy. She’d had a hard time, I know.

I’m just not a Darwin person, although it doesn’t bother me if others are. Kwim?

[Tax-chick]

No, don’t call at 11:00. We’ll be in bed. Some other time. Call USAA instead - they’re available 24 hours.

Sounds like a cute shirt. Little Billy had dinosaur sweatsuits with spines and stuff on the hoods. He was so cute. So were you, of course. I had to get pictures from Sally’s baptism out on Monday, and you were in some of them, in a little purple floral-print jumper. Gosh, you were small!

[Anoreth]

I called Jason at 11. I forgot the time change.
I may call later. I’m at the laundromat now. I have to be very quiet, like at the library.

[Monkey Face]

I signed up over there, but I don’t spend much time. Mostly lurking, even though I know a lot of the posters.

The language of some of the threads is rather off-putting. My eyes hurt when I read it.

[Tax-chick]

The language of some of the threads is rather off-putting.

That would be a problem for me, too. And it's why some of the participants there were banned here - because they simply would not moderate their language. Their choice ...

[Tax-chick]

A meditation laundromat? Sounds efficient ;-).

[Anoreth]

Completely silent, except for the soft hum of washing machines.

[Tax-chick]

I find the sound of laundry machines very soothing. You don’t have to *do* anything while it’s running, and yet cleanliness is being accomplished. It’s like a miracle.

[Dead Corpse]

You aren't the only one.

However, what happens when something knocks back?

Cthul-whu.

Go figure...

[Monkey Face]

Sorry. The computer locked up. Time for a new one, I guess. *sigh*

Anyway, to reply to #773, AMEN!!

[Tax-chick]

FReepmail. And what happened to my other tagline? Must have been a cat on the keyboard!

[Monkey Face]

I’ve lost taglines before. *sob* I know there is an ethereal graveyard of taglines under the heading of FreeRepublic.com. May they go on to bigger and better things and enlighten those who unearth them.