Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

Visit The Poet's Eye

[sionnsar]

Yes, she does. *\B^( And it's hardest on her, staying home.

But it's part of the job, doing stuff that I'm uniquely positioned to do (job security). I should count my blessings though -- those who get up into corporate management have travel even worse than mine.

[Tax-chick]

Too calm, and the audience falls over on their noses. Work on a “lector” voice - with projection, but not too nasal.

[NicknamedBob]

"One needs more than a good eye for composition."

Indeed.

Pay close attention to the places you visit. Write up descriptions for your diary, trying to capture the flavor of the place.

Grab characters when they appear. One never knows when an interesting person may need to be resurrected with a different name.

In other words, become a writer before you start writing.

[sionnsar]

A large university will have a radio station, and you could audition for a show.

Even smaller colleges sometimes have stations. Nearby Bellevue Community College has an FM station (KBCS 91.3 FM) that I listen to Sunday afternoons until early evening -- Celtic and Medieval music.

[Anoreth]

I only sound nasal if I’m sick. Which is all the time these days, but once I’m not living in close quarters with 170 other people, it won’t happen as often. I used to be able to go a year without even a funny nose.

[Tax-chick]

Do you have a tape (or digital) sound recorder? You could record some commentaries on your boatly experiences and see what people think about your content as well as your projection. I remember we talked in the past about your doing a podcast, and you have more teknolijies now.

[Tax-chick]

We had pizza and didn’t give Ash any. Tragic trauma! She can have the peas Frank didn’t eat.

[Darksheare]

LOL!
The cats were on the dinner table in a semi circle seemingly having some sort of meeting, and Tiny got up there with them.
They all looked at her like “WHAT on EARTH are you doing?!”
She looked at them like, “Boy am I glad we’re all cats!”

[Monkey Face]

Well, maybe it won’t be too many years before you can retire. Then what will you do for diversion?

[ThomasThomas]

It would seem being a little on the crazy side would also seem to be a help. I have never really heard well in noisy crowds. If I try hard I can usually understand someone is trying to say. But if I don’t need to know what they are saying I just choose the most interesting thing they might of said. It was far more entertaining. As a child I got Goldwater and goldfinger mixed up and wondered why they would have wanted him for president. There was also this preacher that talked about a cross eyed bear .

[Tax-chick]

“Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear”?

Are we OLD, or what?

[Anoreth]

You are very mean to dogs. You could have given her pepperonis, at least..
If it ever go to a different station, I may try it.

[Monkey Face]

Kitty had no idea she was a dog. She was, by far, one of the funniest dogs I ever had. I still miss her. And that was almost 30 years ago.

[Darksheare]

Tiny didn’t like horseplay.
She’d nip us at that point where teh leg meets the butt cheek if we were horsing around.

[sionnsar]

Well, maybe it won’t be too many years before you can retire. Then what will you do for diversion?

Play bagpipes and annoy the neighbors?

Could be a whole new revenue stream... *\;^)

[Monkey Face]

They’d pay you not to play??

[fanfan]

....... I was drained when it reached quitting time and I hadn't really accomplished much.

I almost can't wait to be underway just to leave the prep behind me.

But I don't really have anything interesting to post.

I can see that. ;-)

*ducking*

OK, here is one of my uninteresting observations.

Some guy called today 'representing' a company I do business with. (Canada's version of the USPS.)

I tried to make him come to the point, but he kept on, and on about the company. Finally, mostly because I was busy when he called me, I asked him to get to the point. The point of the call, was, he said, that I should consider doing business with the company.

I think I may have over reacted......I told him that next time he should see if the company he calls already does business with them, and asked him if he had any idea how much of my time, and his time, he had just wasted? I asked him why he hadn't asked me if I was busy when he called.

His reply?

I'm happy to hear that. Thank you for doing business with Canada Post.

Face palm!

[ThomasThomas]

“Are we OLD, or what?”

Given the choice I will go with “or what”. I have been an “or what” most of my life. It is a choice that I have faced before. I is sufficiently vague to mean any thing I want. And I can’t get old till my older brother is old. Then I will have one year warming.

Lastly in the Apostles’ Creed the line about the quick and the dead. That really wasn’t about crossing the street.

[Monkey Face]

Yoiks! Idiocy. Contagious. If one has nothing better to do, one can call oneself. He should have done that.

</sarc

[sionnsar]

It works...

...in comic strips.