Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[Monkey Face]

My consolation is that all of this is because the truck has been sitting, for the most part, since the end of July...just about the same time my Squeeze left me. It had been his truck before it was mine. He had heart surgery, and it looks like MD has needed/will need it, too.

All I have to do now is find a carburetor mechanic. A cheap one. No Sick Days for me!!

[NicknamedBob]

"I replaced a carburetor in my old truck, iirc. It was ugly!"

Good enough reason to replace it, I say.

Every lady's truck should have a pretty carburetor.

By the way, the design for the carburetor came out of perfume dispensers. This helps to explain why it has an obviously French spelling, and probably why it can be a pain in the butt at the worst possible time.

[Monkey Face]

I hate the French. They eat ugly food, speak in an ugly tongue, and seek the nearest safe haven when war is at their doors.

As a history buff, I’ve never heard, read or seen anything that could redeem them. Not even their wines. German wines are much better, without the pretentiousness.

The only thing they ever came together on was the making of “Victory,” with Sylvester Stallone and Pele. Cowards.

[sionnsar]

I’m always useless when I get up before I really want to.

Sorry to hear that.

I expected to be useless today, but got through the teleconference in good order, then went off to the library to finish my presentation. I expected to be out most of the afternoon but was done in an hour and a half. Yay!

But I probably won't be long for the world tonight, which means I'll probably be up too early again tomorrow.

[sionnsar]

It was pink, where it should have been gray.

Pre-ulcerous? I had that once.

[Monkey Face]

When you feel sleepy, get up and walk around. Find something to fiddle with; get a snack; check to see if the porch light is on; make sure the books you haven’t read are really the ones you want to read; reassess your address file....

Some days/nights, I have to force myself to stay awake, and unless I get up, physically, there is no way I can make that happen.

[NicknamedBob]

"As a history buff, I’ve never heard, read or seen anything that could redeem them. Not even their wines."

It is worth remembering that Hitler's "Third Reich" was supposedly third after two preceding empires; that of Rome, of course, and the Empire of Charlemagne.

Map

He was a Frenchman, or as they said then, he was King of the Franks.

Maybe the Franks were more assertive than the French they became. Galling, I'm sure.

[fanfan]

Still, I’m almost at the point of tears again, but I will keep going. I actually don’t know how NOT to!

You Go, Sis!

You always win against life's trials!

I know you can do it.

And you know I love you, right? Right?!!!!!

*hugs*

[fanfan]

Good morning Cold One!

I’ve survived the day so far.

How about you?

[ColdOne]

How about you? Just fine!

[Darksheare]

Thankfully, would have been hard to explain.

[sionnsar]

I guess we’ll just differ on the French. I’m not great on their food in general, but even their table wines are fantastic. I don’t understand French, but it doesn’t bother my ear. (It’s LoM’s other native language; my mother and the elder sionnsareen speak French.)

I have yet to meet the rude Parisian (or Frenchman in general), though they are quite rough on the Bretons — the Celtic group unfortunate enough to live within their sphere.

The first time LoM and I arrived in Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris, way overtired, trying to find our way, and way too obviously American, a Frenchman stepped up to direct us to where we needed to go. I rarely see that kind of assistance anywhere.

I also don’t think they’ve been cowards. Napoleon took the French pretty far. The Nazis respected the Maginot Line so much they went around it, not through it, in a way nobody expected.

And don’t forget Lafayette.

And they’re not stupid. Third to space, after the superpowers.

Yes, they overheat their buildings way too much, but with their nukes I guess they can afford to. They like devices that “beep” and “boop” way more than I do (I like quiet technology). And they like Jerry Lewis, so they aren’t perfect.

They’re definitely NOT like us, but like us they don’t want to be under somebody else’s shadow; I am guessing that’s where some of the friction began. So I just say, “Vive le Difference!” and hope they have it together enough to resist their assimilation.

I respect them, though the Schwabian region of Germany remains my favorite of Europe so far followed (for the beauty I saw) by Strasbourg.

[sionnsar]

Maybe the Franks were more assertive than the French they became. Galling, I'm sure.

Ugh.

[Darksheare]

Probably they would have known.
Apparently there is a tag that I cannot see that identifies what is my fault.

[Monkey Face]

I DID have an ulcer, but six months on Tagamet and the problem was solved. Of course, I have since learned how NOT to have an ulcer or even a pre-ulcerous condition.

Believe it or not, but when my stomach acts up, I drink about an ounce of water with about 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper. The effects are almost instantaneous, and last for several weeks!

[Darksheare]

Had to replace the transmission intercooler on my car.
$690..
Ouch.

Don’t know much about carbs, last one I messed with was a slight “Bastard offspring of the Holly four barrel... wimped down to two barrel.”
(Das Boot.. a Chevy Caprice Classic.)

[sionnsar]

make sure the books you haven’t read are really the ones you want to read;

Heh. For a while Borders was running a number of 40%-off coupons; I've stocked up on several books for travel & home (mostly SF anthologies, one "fantasy" novel) that at my current reading rate will last me well into next year.

My struggle now is with the new "free" cellphone. It has tons of features I've never seen before, But It Won't Sync With My Work Outlook Calendar and I have become a bit dependent on that feature from my old cellphone. It also has a number of other features I do not understand, such as one that downloads maps but seems to do nothing else. Including displaying them.

Maybe I'm too old-tech. I remember my first ASR-33 TeleType -- complete with paper-tape punch & reader. *\B^(

[sionnsar]

I DID have an ulcer, but six months on Tagamet and the problem was solved. Of course, I have since learned how NOT to have an ulcer or even a pre-ulcerous condition.

Didn't get that far (a very few weeks of Tagamet IIRC), but I've been through FAR worse situations since without a re-occurrance. The value of age and experience.

Believe it or not, but when my stomach acts up, I drink about an ounce of water with about 1/8 teaspoon of cayenne pepper. The effects are almost instantaneous, and last for several weeks!

This sounds like something really worth knowing: What is "acts up"?

[sionnsar]

Had to replace the transmission intercooler on my car

What is an "intercooler"? I saw the word in the cockpit of a B-17 last year, next to a control, but don't know what it means.

[Monkey Face]

Charlemagne is in my history. I’ve noticed that “all roads lead to” Charlemagne, but don’t necessarily mean that he was the driving force that made the roads to begin with.

His descendants seemed to have accomplished much more than he ever thought of doing. I suspect the descendants and the ascendants have done more to form who I am than Charlemagne, himself.

The other Frenchies in my ancestry have been overwhelmed by marriage or war, and therefore, are “not important” except to give me a taste for good wines. Which are not necessarily all from France...Moselle is a case in point.

And/or the desire to fight for what I believe in...which may or may not be French in origin.