Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[sionnsar]

I’m sorry your Mass got rained out. If I could, I’d send you some of our good weather!

Oh, Mass was held and LoM was there. But I was stuck in the office by work -- couldn't run out for the 12-minute drive to church, attend Mass, and drive back. Though we did return the rental car after Mass, and I was able to have lunch with the most gorgeous and intelligent lady ever to grace this planet (though the Ladies of the Undead Thread come very, very close -- so close one could fairly claim bias on my part *\;^).

[Monkey Face]

Looks to me like you covered all your (female FReeper) bases....

I’m glad to hear that your original mode of transportation was available. Rentals suck.

[sionnsar]

The children were all very wriggly. Frank got bored because there was no Spanish music!

No Spanish music?
Is that permitted??
Do you all have to make Confession for that??? *\;^)

We don't have Spanish music. (Yet -- we've had Lithuanian, and a Spanish school might open in our facility weekdays. LoM would be right at home with that.)

[Danae]

Warm Thingy....? Unfortunately that sounds like something my 5 year old brought in from the back yard. Don’t ask. Ignorance is bliss... TRUST ME.

[Monkey Face]

Not asking, (she says, with tongue-in-cheek,)

[sionnsar]

Looks to me like you covered all your (female FReeper) bases....

Hope so! *\;^) If I forgot anyone, it's because... I forgot. (Oops! Does happen.)

I’m glad to hear that your original mode of transportation was available. Rentals suck.

Well, this autumn I'm driving rentals more than my own car. They're usually fine -- I get to try different vehicles, and at least the cars from National are pretty good. Didn't like the "new" VW bug I rented earlier this year but the GM/Chevy/whatever HHR(?) seems to be pretty comfy for long hauls, for all it's ugly and has so-so visibility to the rear.

I was surprised by this (Budget) rental -- I have generally liked Kia cars (first one rented a decade ago for our tour of Eastern Australia), but this one ran a bit rough.

[sionnsar]

How are YOU today?

[Darksheare]

War bodies, much better than the shuffling icy nightmare that shambles around as I do.

[Darksheare]

UGH, me an my typos.
warM... WarMMMMMMMMM as in not colddddd..
Sheesh.

[Tax-chick]

Our church rarely has music at weekday Masses, and the Holy Day was not Obligatory today because of its being Monday, which confuses me, but whatever.

December 24-26 will be a real marathon, with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Sunday all requiring a full barrage of services.

[Monkey Face]

Ummmm...I’m tired.

All this to-do with/because/in spite of Miss Daisy has caused me so much stress that I don’t even want to be here. My hair is falling out in clumps, my sleep is disturbed be fearsome night sweats and ugly nightmares, and my appetite has disappeared.

Other than that, I’m absolutely AWESOME!!!

[Monkey Face]

Heh...I happen to like War Bodies.
Strong, athletic, armored....what’s not to like?

[Danae]

LOL Ah, you underestimate the power of a 5 year old you do!

[sionnsar]

Other than that, I’m absolutely AWESOME!!!

Of COURSE you are! We just have to get more UTers into your neighborhood.

(The clumps must be really small 'cuz I didn't see anything missing on the recent visit...)

[Danae]

300 comes to mind...... sigh. “THIS IS .....” really easy on the eyes...

[Monkey Face]

Not I, said the Chicken!

Pre-schoolers have much more power than The ‘Face does! Honest Injun!

[NicknamedBob]

"UGH, me an my typos. warM... WarMMMMMMMMM as in not colddddd.."

War Bodies, or Warm Bodies

With you, it could have been either one.

I liked the snippet about Evalynn and her "maturation".

One of my characters had a similar evolution; going from an advanced interactive computer program called Ruby, through an independent android known as Pearl, and finally into Pearl's creation, a mix of human and cybernetic systems called Jade.

Jade became a mother too.

[Anoreth]

Today I tried to find a belt, but was unsuccesful. None of them looked right with my Viking ship. In other news, if I ever get off messcooking I now have enough put aside to finish my theme. I got sushi and goldfish for supper. Also oranges, but I may save them for tomorrow. There was a good price at Wal-Mart for them.

[ThomasThomas]

When say goldfish, you mean the crackers, don’t you?

[Anoreth]

Yes. The extra cheese type. I was going to get chocolate, but decided to try those later.
I really wanted Scooby Snacks, but they were out.