Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[sionnsar]

1801

[Tax-chick]

Sounds perfect. We’re having an awful time with the fire alarm today. Your dad put the turkey giblets on to cook, got distracted by the guitar, and burned it to a cinder. I don’t give a FReep about the giblets, but it ruined Frank’s nap.

[sionnsar]

Your dad put the turkey giblets on to cook, got distracted by the guitar, and burned it to a cinder.

He burned the guitar to a cinder?

[sionnsar]

Flamenco guitar, no doubt.

[Tax-chick]

There are times I wish ... but no, that would precipitate the purchase of a new, even more expensive one, or more than one ...

I’m having a small Restorative (pink box wine with diet 7-up) for my nerves. I get very tense when Frank doesn’t take his nap.

[sionnsar]

LOL, sort of. LoM Has two, but they aren't played much anymore. The only instruments that are being played these days are her harps.

After next week's trip I'd be home long enough to get the pipes going again... but why bother? Once I start traveling again I'll be gone a lot. I might pull out the mountain dulcimer and re-learn that. It's a pretty instrument that developed a great voice.

[sionnsar]

Finally got the files loaded onto the laptop. Now I have all sorts of apps to install. *\B^(

[Monkey Face]

A neighbor came over a while ago and brought me some lefover turkey, dressing and gumbo, then came back with a piece of pecan pie and one of pumpkin.

Just now, one of the church members came by with his grandson and brought me a HUGH plate of food and a slice of apple pie.

My daughter is on her way to Fresno to visit with the in-laws, and since she’s still not talking to me, she doesn’t count. My son called and my youngest grandson sent me a text message telling me he was excited and could hardly wait for me to get there!!

Still having trouble with getting a ride to the airport at 3:00 AM.

My neighbor across the way was going to bring me some turkey dinner, but I don’t know if I’ll have room for it. Liberty and no boats; boats and no liberty.

[Monkey Face]

My phone broke. Well, sort of. I got a text message and heard something besides the alert and when I looked, I saw spider cracks at the base of the display, front and back. I’ll have to take it to the store tomorrow.

It shouldn’t have done that. It’s only three months old, and I can’t recall dropping it from any great height (usually about 3’ or less onto carpet) and that maybe a maximum of three times. Though I can only recall twice, and none of them recently.

That’s not fun for Yours Truly. It still works, but the display now has some weird lines through the pixels.

[sionnsar]

Sorry to hear that. They are pretty fragile devices.

[sionnsar]

That’s nice they’re bringing you dinner.

[Monkey Face]

The last one I had had been dropped a dozen times and never had any problems with it. The only reason I got a new one was because the phone would no longer take a charge.

The cracks look like impact cracks, right at the base and fanning out as they go up, as if someone had hit them with a hammer. On both displays, which are not mirrored. One is smaller than the other and higher up.

[Anoreth]

Now we are eating pie.

[sionnsar]

Ccenter>

[sionnsar]

The grill is lit. In a few hours...

[sionnsar]

Both displays? What kind of phone is this?

[sionnsar]

[Monkey Face]

The dinner and other dishes were totally unexpected, but welcomed, anyway. Gives me a chance to know how other people cook.

[Monkey Face]

It’s a Cricket camera phone. The small display on the front has a clock and a battery icon as well as signal display. The display on the inside is for text messaging and other apps.

I’ll see what they say tomorrow morning. They may replace it immediately.

[sionnsar]

Hope so!