Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[ColdOne]

WELCOME to our slice of crazy!

[sionnsar]

Howdy, I see you have your computer problem fixed?

No I don't, or rather I don't know. It was the work laptop that died just before I headed out on the trip. I don't know whether it's fixed or not -- I am assuming not because I have not received a call from the technician, even though I called the service desk a number of times and they said they'd paged him.

I'm planning on going into the office in a bit to see if it's there and, if so, what state it's in. If it's not fixed by Wednesday, I guess I'll be going out on another trip without it Monday after Thanksgiving.

But at home I have my own computer, which is what I'm using now.

[Anoreth]

Oh. I found a John Wayne movie instead. It had a wagon with a chaingun. Haven’t seen it before.

[Tax-chick]

“War Wagon.” We own it.

[Monkey Face]

I’m back from Walmart. The prescription I got for $2 two years ago now costs $6.30. *sheesh*

“War Wagon” was (is) a good movie.

[Tax-chick]

With Kirk Douglas. “Mine hit the ground first.” “Mine was taller!”

[Monkey Face]

I read Kirk Douglass’ biography not too long ago. He’s a funny man! He said he didn’t work with John Wayne too often, but when they were in a movie and Wayne got the best part with the best lines, then next movie they were in, Douglass got the best lines, even if he had to ad lib.

He and Burt Lancaster were the same way.

[Monkey Face]

Look at it this way, sion: You got back just in time for Thanksgiving, weather and all!

;o]

[Tax-chick]

A book on John Wayne said he and Kirk Douglas didn’t get along very well, but it worked out well for the movie because their characters were rivals.

[sionnsar]

Yes, sigh. We were still in fall colors when I left. Oh well; maybe after I get a good night’s sleep I’ll feel better. Still, it’s good to be home.

[Monkey Face]

Douglas said the same thing. Even when they were “on the same side,” they were rivals. They were always fun to watch!

[Monkey Face]

Somehow, I knew you were anxious to get home.

Lack of laptop not the least of reasons.

[NicknamedBob]

"Movie is good enough you can still eat afterwards?"

I ate both before and afterwards. I enjoyed the movie, it having met my expectations in every particular. Harry Potter is not my favorite hero, since he is cast in the sacrificial lamb role, and depends entirely too much on luck to get through the sticky parts.

Still, it's an interesting story, and the action and special effects are quite entertaining. I'm looking forward to the final episode next year.

[glock rocks]

Thanks!

I was going to go to Walmart today myself, but I didn’t want to get all dressed up :o)

I’ve wasted the better part of the morning watching Survivorman wander in Canyonlands in the winter. It’s only an hour show, but I keep getting distracted and pausing it. Right now, watching him trap mice with a dead-fall trap, I think I’ll go stare into the freezer and formulate dinner. I think it involves a crock pot. If I’m lucky, I’ll finish this show before dark.

Or not.

[Tax-chick]

Today’s actors just don’t have the style. I watch almost everything with Anthony Hopkins for that reason.

Frank is up from his nap and had some chicken and peas. I tried to give Shannon a bit of chicken, to distract her from agonizing over the prospect of a mouse in the kitchen, but Ash rushed in and slurped it up. Now Shannon is sitting in the front window with her Annoyed Ears on.

Brief wait to see if Frank needs to Go, then we’ll go to Walmart.

[Monkey Face]

Sounds like some of my forays into the netherworld of What To Eat.

[glock rocks]

Thank you. Looks like I’ve got some catching up to do... oh, and cooking.

Can you feed penguins black eyed peas?

[Tax-chick]

My kids like Survivorman, but I think you could avoid all that difficulty by never going more than two miles from a Walmart. He could come to our kitchen and eat the mouse that has probably died under the refrigerator!

I think we’ll be having chicken omelette and biscuits for dinner. My husband and one son are out of town for the day, so I can do something easy for the rest of us. Bill, the Ravenous Maw, doesn’t care what we eat as long as there’s lots of it!

[glock rocks]

With the Nascar season ending this weekend, I’ll probably need somewhere to winter. Judging by the forecast, it’s time to get the snowshoes out of the garage.

[Monkey Face]

I found “Beowilf” with Anthony Hopkins on Amazon for $3 and had to buy it. It is so well done!

Like you, I’ll watch almost anything with Anthony Hopkins. I also liked “The Edge,” though I loathe the Baldwins.