Posted on 06/14/2010 1:48:57 PM PDT by savedbygrace
A few days ago, my wife suddenly, without forewarning that I ever detected, told me she is leaving me. The details are not important, only that I recognize it was mostly my fault.
Our grown daughter is leaving home about the same time. Within three weeks, I will be alone, with only my Golden Retriever as a companion. I'm calling on God, and he is answering, but in this physical world, it's only my Golden.
Heartbroken, deeply wounded, ashamed. That's me.
I'm hoping to receive words of advice and counsel. I'm a born again, spirit filled Christian, so I'll respond more readily to Christian-based advice and counsel, but I'm ready to accept whatever you have for me. I'm needy.
One minute your life is one way and the next day everything is turned upside down. I thank God I had my children.
I didn't date for quite a while. I used the time alone for reflection. I used the time to grieve all I had lost .... my husband, in-laws, friends, income, etc.
I spent time with a few close friends. I appreciated the very smallest things. Like a ray of sunshine on an autumn day and my cat rubbing against my leg.
Believe me, it will get better, but it will take time and you will meet someone, someday and you will be happier than ever before. I know because it happened to me. I have been happily married for 15 years to my second husband.
No, it is by Francis de Sales. My dad gave it to me as he and I were both struggling with his terminal cancer. I put it in my truck’s sunvisor and I’d just flip if down and read it (when stopped in traffic of course). It helped us both quite a bit to remember God’s absolute faithfulness.
I found myself in the same situation as you 5 years ago. I was to blame for a lot but so was she. In my case though she started sneaking around with guys behind my back while we were trying to repair the relationship. Took a long time of being alone and forgiving myself for what I had done to add to the end of it. Now I am finally over it and 5 years later I am 42 dating a 23 year old blond knockout and I am happy. Will this relationship be forever? Probably not but for now we just enjoy each other and have fun without being totally committed. For me and her at this time it is the perfect relationship.
“I’m needy.”
There’s your problem man. This is a very unnatractive quality. Also, you mention being a devout Christian. Nothing wrong with that, especially if it gives you strength and comfort.
However, is your wife a devout Christian too? If she’s not, maybe your beliefs turned her off. Not saying that’s right, just maybe a reality.
Do 2 hours a day of PT, eat right, and take that dog for long walks. You’ll start to feel better.
How is that bed for him? I’ve toyed with buying one for Jack. Is the large one too large? I mean, would the medium be big enough, do you think?
You’re absolutely right. I only spent a few days in that condition, soaking up the counsel, advice, encouragement and prayers of many here and elsewhere.
I’m on the road to recovery now.
Yes, my wife is a born again Christian, as am I. She just couldn’t take any more of my anger outbursts at her. Now that I recognize I MUST fix that character fault (rather, cooperate with God as he fixes it) before there’s any chance she’ll agree to reconciliation, that’s what I’m concentrating on first and foremost.
She’s the best wife a man could have, other than this, and I forgive her for this.
Medium is fine. We have a Bernese as well and both of them can share it.
We all “ruin” our marriage in one way or another. I’ve discovered that most people that have been married for 40+ years are not still married because they just picked the right person. Rather, they are still married because when one “ruined” the marriage, the other stuck by them, and they both learned. It left scars, but they leave the event stronger.
I am not talking about constant sleeping around and the compulsive gambler that utterly destroys the family financially. But even then, both can learn from it and carry it into their next relationship. Everyone has plenty of bad baggage when they die. And much of it is self inflicted.
That is why we all need Jesus.
Amen. Thank you.
You just saved me $23. Thanks.
Then ask your ex for some assistance with a banking issue;
drive her into the California desert and let the coyotes scatter her bones.
And, remember ZZ Top's observation, "there a lot-a nice girls out there"
When you find one, treat her in such a way as to make the ex jade-green with envy.
All will be well.
Another "Christian" making unkind remarks. What else is new?
What, you didn't get tthe limp-wristed response you were expecting? Tough crap! Jesus Himself made quite a few "unkind" remarks during His life here on Earth. He also used physical violence on occasion. I can post chapter and verse if you like.
I’m very sorry this has happened to you.
Women will sometimes come back if she sees true change heart. I recommend that you get into counseling yourself with a Christian counselor who can help you with the issues that you understand are your fault. These issues will follow you all your life do if you deal now, whether or not your marriage is salvageable you will have a better starting point.
Thank you. Do you know if there would be much of a cost for the New Beginnings thing?
I understand. Thank you.
Actually, it is. No worries. Plus, my daughter has decided to stay here with me until she finds a job and saves enough to move into her own place. So, I won't be alone as soon as I thought.
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