Stupid Men

June 7, 2007 at 6:04 pm · Filed under Sex & Relationships, Mating, Marriage & Divorce, Feminism, Child Support & Custody, Vox Populi

A man is married for 8 years, and comes home one night to “the talk.” The one about the relationship, about the need for space, (I have a boyfriend, and it’s getting to hard to cover it up) – a lot of us know the drill. So, he agrees to move out “for a while” to “work on the relationship.”

Fast forward a couple months. Honeybunch is getting irritated at him “just dropping by” to spend time with his kids or pick them up (Again, read “How can I have my new thang over here when you might catch us and make me look bad?”) and after one marriage counseling session he’s hit with the double whammy. A divorce suit and – you guessed it – an ex-parte restraining order.

Let’s review real quick – go to my “Divorce Self-Defense 101” article from a few years back, and catalogue the errors that have been made.

Okay. One error you missed – because I didn’t tell you – is that Schmuckly here has yet – after almost 3 months! – to secure the services of an attorney. Let alone listen to said lawyer.

It’s at this point that Dingleberry gets himself drunk, tries to call her – Thank God she changed the phone number – and so he calls me to drive him over there. I manage to talk him out of it. I get him insensible, and in the morning when hung over and his resistance is low, I convince him to call an attorney. I convince him to part with the $2500 dollars he’s been saving for Sweetie-dumpling-who-has-just-backstabbed-me’s “real engagement ring.” She’s not going to need it or wear it.

This lawyer – from a prestigious law firm specializing in Men and Divorce – advises him that he has a hearing on the restraining order in three weeks, and to tough it out. After a couple days of interviewing people who knew them and the marriage, he informs him that he can get the TRO nullified, and get him mandated visitation – maybe even split custody in the interim. Just be patient.

He buys two dozen roses, and goes to where she works. He asks to see her. He makes the receptionist deliver the flowers. He goes back into the private offices. He gets her to “agree” to “Not now – I’m at work. *I’LL CALL YOU* about lunch and we can talk…”

Dippysquat goes out to his car, starts it, and puts it in reverse about the time two police cars and a sheriff zoom in, and draw down on him. Of course, Cuddlebuns is standing behind the door of the office, looking stricken and fearful, being comforted, while the fat lesbian secretary is out waiving the restraining order at the officers. El Stupido is quickly slammed on the ground with a shotgun trained on him, cuffed and put in a paddy wagon.

I don’t think I need to break out the crayolas here, do I? No bail. No hearing till the next week. Of course he’s calling me and whining about “I need to get out!” – what the hell can I do? He CALLS HER WORK (Dammit!) collect from jail – THREE TIMES!!! And by the time he goes in front of a judge he’s given 30 days in jail. Which he does two weeks of for good behavior, including his time served. Needless to say, when he goes before the judge on the TRO, the once slam dunk nullification of it turns into a 1 year extension, and his visitation is now supervised.

But, hey – fugginay – he’s RIGHT. She’s WRONG. He didn’t do ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve this. She lied. All true. Just as true as the pedestrian who walks out in front of the speeding truck because they have the “walk” light.

So where is Senor Idiote today, four months later? He’s fired his attorney, because he didn’t like the advice. He’s become Mr. Chivalry, acceding to every demand “for his children.” (Though it seems that fighting to stay in their lives and BE A DAMN FATHER TO THEM doesn’t occur to him.) He’s lost his job – being in jail for two weeks does that. Given up his house. Had his car repossessed. Is paying $600 a month for supervised visitation he doesn’t go to - but Mr. Probono thinks he’ll get custody of the kids in the end “because he’s right, she’s a bitch, I didn’t do nuthin…” even though he doesn’t – oh, what is the term – BOTHER TO EVEN SEE THEM? It’s “just too humiliating.”

Oh – and he’s mad at me. I talked him into spending the money for the ring he still wants to get this bitch, so I’m a SOB who gave him bad advice. He didn’t follow it, got screwed doing it his way instead of mine, but it was bad advice. He’s a new MRA convert, though. All gung-ho about how unfair it all is. I expect I’ll see him on the net anytime – if he gets a job, a place to live, and his computer hooked up – talking about how “Gonzo gave me advice I ignored so he screwed up my life” which is the tune he’s been singing these past five or six months.

He’s still as dumb as a bag of hair. Stupid. Just butt-stupid. Ever hear the joke about the preacher in the flood who turns away a guy in a truck, a boat, and a helicopter because “God Will Provide?” When he drowns and stands before the Lord, he asks, “What happened?” and God replies “Look, I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter – what do you want?”

Yeah, I know. Blaming the victim. Yeah, I know. Co-operating with a corrupt system. I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard it from him – know what I told him?

Yes, Virginia, the system sucks. Until you replace it, it is what you have to work with. Drop out of it and not support it? Fine and dandy – but first you have to get to a place where it can’t touch you. Fight against it? Do it from within the system or outside of it. Hint: If you plan on working outside, buy lots of ammunition – it is the only way that will have any effect.

Hey – if you can snatch your kids away to some country which won’t extradite you, more power to you. Until you can do that, though, you’re kind of stuck. Not seeing your kids, and not being there for them – out of some sense of martyrdom – not real bright, if you ask me – but if your pride is more important than flesh of your flesh… Well, whatever.

But you are walking out on your kids then, and when the Femherroids make that charge on you, the shoe fits. You’re not helping. Joe Moron who added to the “Stalkers who violate TRO’s” stat? He doesn’t help either. Find a way to cut off your nose to spite your face that doesn’t ruin it for your brothers, what say?

I’m not on the side of shitheel men. Cheat on your wife, you’re just as wrong as an adulterous woman. Beat her? Beat your kids? Molest your kids? To hell with you. I may give a lot of men the benefit of the doubt because groundless charges are so frequently made, and I will preach to the ends of the earth that feminists way, way, way overstate the frequency of such things. This doesn’t mean such men don’t exist, and I am not going to “be like a feminist” and defend men who are like that. We laughed and sneered at the Feminazis in Dallas who stood up for Andrea Yates, the child-murderer so we need to be as accountable.

I’ve had a few guys who did crap like this and then come to me or write me. Well, what do you want? St. Gonz to intercede? I got real falsely accused men, real guys who have got the shaft for no reason, real guys willing to take guidance and get better than what they fear – I have time for you why? You did it? Suck it up and take your lumps. Ignored good advice? I tell you the same thing I’d tell a Britney Spears walking around in downtown Detroit in her pantiless miniskirtness: What do you expect, DUMBASS?

I am frankly appalled and flabbergasted at times by the blinkered and self-defeating attitude many men have. We have one guy running around who is constantly harping on the “Antipeonage Act.” Okay. I agree. It should apply. You know and I know that jailing men for child support is nothing less than debtor’s prison. Trouble is, the courts have rationalized and used legal and semantic masturbation to dismiss it. It is not going to work. They are not going to listen to you. They are going to say, “Doesn’t apply, you’re being jailed for contempt, not owing money” wham, bam. It has been argued. It has failed. Time to move on.

There is bias in the courts, and I am not going to say there isn’t. As men, we walk into family court at a disadvantage, and have an obstacle to overcome – in some places a small hop, in others a steep hill, and in some we are uckedfay. (Pig Latin).

But better than half our problems are attitude. Your biggest bias is in how the laws are set up, and in how you think.

As men, our nature is to protect – protect females, protect our young. Forget all the crap about “the female is deadlier than the male” or “lionesses and their cubs.” It’s crap, feel good, make the girl feel better bullshit. We see it over and over; feces hits the fan, women grab kids and run like scared rabbits, and Joe Dweeb the accountant grabs a stick and turns into Conan. It is built into you, hardwired, and reinforced by society.

No? Ask ya something, then. If a man broke a contract with you, and started proceedings to take your stuff, what would you do? Roll over? Or would you hire an attorney and rip his lungs out legally?

Somehow, get puddin-pop the contract breaker trying to steal your kids and your life’s work and savings, and you get all tender, and chivalrous, and say “Okay.” You’ll look like the bad guy. You don’t want to put your kids through it. You don’t want to drag the mother of your kids through it.

Well, why the hell not? She’s doing it to you. Lifetime TV is going to make a movie on how brave she is.

You’ve been schnooked. You’ve been painted into a corner where the only way you won’t “look bad” is to be a doormat and “Yes ma’am” her for the next 20 years. (And you may still look bad.) Any other move, and you’re a rat bastard.

So … be a bitch. It’s why she wins so often. She treats you like the enemy and goes into court to KICK YOUR ASS. Most men go in with some other purpose in mind.

Know what kind of men win? The ones who scream and leap for the throat. Who destroy not only her ability to wage war, but her will to do so.

No, you haven’t been taught to do this. No, you don’t have the “You GO, Grrrrrrrl!” chorus to support you. But guess what?

Hardest thing for men – you need to beat you, first. You need to swallow your pride and get a lawyer – AND DO WHAT THEY SAY. You may have to hunt for a lawyer. The same one who will hint around that she should allege something false and horrible against you will suddenly find ethics if you are the client. You may have to interview a dozen before you find one who will go for the soft underbelly of her. I did in my second marriage.

You need to say no. No, I am not leaving the house – YOU leave. No, you are not taking the kids. No, you are not taking our furniture.

You have to be aware you are now under a microscope and behave accordingly, no matter how unfair it is that you have to behave twice as good as her to get half the regard. No drinking – the police, when she calls them, are going to ask “Have you been drinking?” They are not going to ask “Have you only had two beers over the last three hours?” If you answer yes – they will treat you like someone who is drunk. If you answer no, you are a liar. They will use that as their excuse to haul you off.

She will try to push your buttons. Swallow your pride and let her run her mouth. If you’re not drunk, disorderly, or threatening, they cannot make you leave. They will ask you to. Say “no.” Insist that the kids have their room, clothes, and all that here, school tomorrow, and she’s not getting them out of bed and taking them to Mommy’s. Stick to your guns. You will be badgered.

Have your attorney on speed dial on your cell. Nothing make a cop behave like “I’m an attorney and this is my client…” It strikes fear in their hearts.

This does not acknowledge the system as being “right.” It is wrong. It is messed up badly.

It is also the way it is, and the only game in town. Unless you’re one for a rifle and a Bell Tower, you have to play. Fail to play, and you lose. Again – that is the way it is.

The courts determine only winners and losers. Decide what you want to be. Deal with it. Grow up.

Until the laws get reformed, it is what you have to play with – these are the cards you have been dealt. Changing the system will take time. Probably more than you have if you are reading this in 2007.

It may be done in increments. Don’t be a dumbass like the Libertarians (I am one, so I can say that) and expect total reform instantly or it’s useless.

Adjust your attitude. Chivalry is one thing, but an entitlement of one-sided chivalry is useless. Its day has passed. Let it be buried. This is the age of equality. That means you too, in not having to put up with crap.

Be pragmatic and prioritize, for pity’s sake. Number one: Your kids need their Dad – you are not replaceable. Number two: You need your kids – they are not replaceable. Everything else takes a back seat. Her relationship with them is her problem – doesn’t even hit your list. Your property? Lower. “Getting the bitch?” Dead last. If you’re of a mind to that, it’s not a goal, it’s gravy. Let her do it to herself, and stand back while she ties the rope. Be more worried about being in the position to be magnanimous – then be magnanimous (Not a doormat!). It’ll make you look good, and piss her off.

Let her worry about being stupid then. Like I said, losing isn’t in her script. She will rarely disappoint you.

Our best weapon is taking these things, these unfair laws and attitudes, and turning them around and making them cut the other way. When the teeth of the law start biting women, they will howl for change, and scream “Uncle.” We are going through this in Indiana right now, and I plan to highlight and publicize how the new law – allowing them to seize assets, tax checks, and garnishee wages of live ins for child support – is hurting women. This will inflame public outrage. I will happily use women against feminists. I will happily create more women who see feminism and their man-hatred as dangerous to women. Feminism is already a five-letter word to a lot of the younger generation – I hear five, and I want four.

Men have got to take their power back, and there is no way to do it but to do it. Gents, we are a minority. One the dating scene – for every 10 attached women, there is one floating around free. Know what that does? It gives you power – please me, or there is another who will.

Push for male birth control – and use it. We can stomp out paternity fraud, and trap pregnancies, in one generation. If not for you, for your sons and brothers.

Start filing Title IX suits. Start using “Anti-Discrimination” laws to shut down women-only spaces.

Use the courts. Clog them up. Petition for review of custody, of child support, even if you know things won’t change. Show up. Shut down the machinery of misandry.

You men who have custody – go after deadbeat moms. Make the state – make feminist inspired laws – hurt women. No matter how much it sucks, that is the only way they will pay attention to how draconian the laws are. That is the only way they will review them. I didn’t, and I regret it. No more Mister Nice Guy.

I’m sorry to admit that I have yet to read Hemingway.

I read of him though.

I think that I’d rather read more of Hemingway than I would of this silly thread.

That is one of my problems. I do not manage my reading time adequately.

I’d rather read stuff from a guy who shot himself in the head, than read crap that will make me want to shoot my own self in the head.

I agree it depends on the situation.

I know really great guys who got the shaft in court and are paying through the nose now. Completely unfair, totally outrageous. I wish they had come out swinging instead of being gentlemen.

On the flip side is my sister; talented, funny, very pretty woman who worked 3 jobs to keep the roof over her lazy-ass husband's head. While he was claiming poor, and my sis was killing herself to pay the bills, he was actually squiring his girlies around, taking them out to dinner, buying them presents, etc. He didn't have money to give her for their daughter's school clothes, but he had money to take his honies skiing! He told her she was such a fat, ugly cow, she was lucky he stayed with her!

Sis decided to change her life. Got a gastric by-pass and filed for divorce. Lost a bunch of weight, looks fabulous, and is dropping the 185 pounds of crap (soon to be ex-husband) from her life.

Sis tried to play nice for the sake of their daughter; splitting everything fairly down the middle (even though she paid most or all of the bills for their entire marriage), making concessions to end things amicably.

Just recently, she found a great guy who adores her and treats her like a queen. When POS found out, he threatened to take their daughter away from her, claiming she was an unfit mother. Isn't that a laugh? He was cheating on her for years, but he apparently didn't like the fact that he had been REPLACED.

That was it. Now it's war. She's going for the jugular, and I'm shouting encouragement all the way. She has proof of his infidelity going back years and she wants EVERYTHING.

Attorney says she has a good chance of getting it!

Dear Stoat,

There are lots of us out there who take the "forever" part of the marriage oath very seriously.

My husband and I have shared almost 14 years together; lots of ups, a couple of serious downs, but overall, a very solid marriage. I love him more today than the day I married him; he is not just my husband, he is the father of our precious children...and, in my eyes, that makes him more special than any man on Earth.

He is the man God wanted for me, and I swore, before God, to be his forever. I have faithfully kept that oath, and will do so until I die.

If you have God in your marriage, and treat each other with respect and trust, you can get through anything life throws your way. All of the difficulties we faced didn't come from inside our relationship, but from obstacles the world placed in our path (health issues, etc.). Then again, we spent 3 years getting to know each other - really know each other - before we married, so there were no "surprises" after the wedding.

God bless!

Men are just as greedy and assholy as women. There is no way that I feel one bit sorry for men in the divorce arena. sometimes women get screwed big time too!!!!

The difference is that the system will eat his lunch and use it to buy her dinner. Just watch.

The system is built on the assumption that EVERY man is like the 'hole in you situation. I've been a white male my whole life, heh. That and obtaining my Sociology degree as a white male has more than adequately educated me on the history and characteristics of "systemic and culturally biased discrimination." And I can tell you that the "Friend of the Court" is BUILT to be a no-win situation for men.

Oh, sure, the laws and procedures don't SAY "the father," its just the 90% of those that get the "unfortunate" treatment are men. The 10% that are women allow the civil servants and judges to lie to themselves about how fair the system is.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. :-)

I know that true love and Ladies (not mere “women”) who take the Oath seriously do indeed exist, because my parents were excellent examples in such regards.
I haven’t closed my mind and heart to the possibility of meeting a sincere, sane, and ‘real’ Lady, but one’s surroundings tend to limit one’s choices and opportunities. My circumstances won’t last forever, however, and I will keep myself open to possibillties.

Thank you again for your kind words and best wishes to you and yours. :-)

good for your sister!

My sister in law’s husband left her with two babies to raise. couldn’t get a dime of child support out of this looser. He went from state to state , working cash jobs and finally had a “slip and fall” and ended up on disability, which she did get a couple of 15$ checks from. whoooopeee!! (sarc)
Kids grow up(mom doing all the raising and supporting) and the dad secretly contacts the 17 year old online. She wanted to know her father and in her naive stupidity she kept up a contact. The father invited her six states away to live with him for her senior year in high school. My sister in law of course didn’t want her daughter to go but finally conceded.

The a-hole has the kid for a few months then decides that HE WANTS CHILD SUPPORT!! LIKE 300 $ A MONTH!!! I told sister in law that I’d go to jail first! stupid ass friend of the court thought that the fact that he owed over 40K back child support didn’t matter and she should pay. She didn’t have the money so her greedy ex proposed that she didn’t have to pay him child support if she would waive the 40K back support he owed her. She didn’t have any choice and did it....BUT MY GOD!!!! This a-hole will only have the kid for one measly year and walked away scott free!!

The system doesn’t look as though it is biased towards women to me.

men are usually the ones with the high paying careers. The women have given birth to the children, ruining their bodies and making them less appealing on the open market:) They usually have the responsibility of finishing raising the children which does put a crimp in any sort of dating.

the man can walk away and get along with a one bedroom apartment, the women usually don’t have that luxery.

men usually just keep working the job they have.

women have to go out and start a whole new career all the while trying to raise children all on their own. Most divorced men don’t seem to be all that jacked up about being there for their kids once they divorce.

at least this is what i’v seen personally.

I’m a woman, and I agree with this guy 100%. Men need to be MEN and defend their castle and fight for their offspring. They also need to be entirely more selective in who they MARRY in the first place.

You're right. One problem that men who sing the 'I've been wronged' tune is that they are just weak men who. We tend to get what we deserve.

As I said earlier in this thread, in the scenario the poster described, the guy should have just kicked his wife to the curb, got a lawyer, and start the process. In the meanwhile, take charge of his life and find a better woman.

Some of these guys should just see it like this: a wife who leaves you just presents you with an opportunity to date new women.

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