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Keyword: satire

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  • Clinton Calls for Tough Talk on Immigration [semi-satire]

    11/24/2018 1:01:15 PM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    This past week, former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned European politicians that “the lack of tough-sounding rhetoric regarding immigrants and refugees has paved the way for right-wing populists like Hungary’s Viktor Orbán, the Alternative for Germany Party, and Donald Trump to gain traction with voters. Preying on voters’ fears that allowing masses of semi-civilized immigrants into their countries endangers their cultural history, these political outsiders have threatened the long-term progressive governing coalition in several countries.” Clinton advised that “we need to take a more nuanced message to the voters who currently matter in order to keep the doors...
  • 9th Circuit Judge Blocks Trump Refugee Policy [semi-satire]

    11/24/2018 8:50:27 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    US District Judge Jon Steven Tigar in San Francisco blocked the Trump Administration's policy requiring applicants for refugee status to follow established legal procedures. According to Tigar, "the Trump Administration protocol discriminates against the estimated 500 members of the migrant caravan whose criminal records make following established legal procedures impractical. Under the Trump protocol these criminals would be automatically barred from entry—totally negating their chance for integrating themselves into the United States." Unsurprisingly, the Trump Administration denounced Tigar's ruling, calling it contrary to law and vowing to appeal it to a higher court. "It's just one more example of the...
  • NYC Mayor Calls for Government Control of All Property [semi-satire]

    11/23/2018 8:57:43 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Buoyed by the electoral success of so many democratic socialists in the recently concluded mid-terms, New York City Mayor Bill deBlasio wondered "if now is the time to implement the socialist ideal of total government control over all property. I think people all over this city, of every background, would like to have the city government determine which building goes where, how high it will be, who gets to live in it, and what the rent will be." "The current situation which requires people to take responsibility for where they live is socially unjust," the Mayor argued. "Why should some...
  • A Social Justice Warrior’s Guide To A Woke Thanksgiving

    11/22/2018 9:30:37 AM PST · by Cold War Veteran - Submarines · 34 replies
    Liberty Nation ^ | Nov 22 | Jeff charles
    Once every year, Americans gather with their families to celebrate the beginning of white supremacy in the United States. They call this holiday “Thanksgiving,” but those of us who are woke call it “The Day White People Destroyed the American Continent by Creating an Oppressive Capitalist Regime.” We are still working on shortening the name, but the point remains. On this day, ignorant souls cheerfully gorge themselves on turkey, sweet potatoes, and green bean casserole, while minorities suffer in darkness; police are shooting black men in the streets by the thousands, women are having their rights taken away, and gay...
  • New Kansas Gov Ready to Abuse Authority [semi-satire]

    11/20/2018 9:04:11 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Under the mistaken notion that she has been elected dictator, Gov-Elect Laura Kelly (D) has announced her intention to “stick it to the social conservatives who opposed my election.” Items high on her agenda for her first days as Governor include ignoring a newly passed state law that bans state officials from harassing faith-based adoption agencies. Under the law these private organizations would be permitted to pursue placing orphans with married opposite sex parents. “In my view, orphans ought to be placed in a non-discriminatory fashion,” Kelly maintained. “No private adoption agency has a right to deviate from a random...
  • Dem Demands 100% Renewable Energy by 2030 [semi-satire]

    11/19/2018 9:17:26 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Impatient to make her mark on US policy, newly elected Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is demanding a Party commitment to 100% renewable energy by 2030 as the “price” for her support of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) as House Speaker. Apprised that 100% renewable energy would likely price most consumers out of the market, Ocasio-Cortez trotted out her personal catchphrase of “just pay for it” in response. “The government can print as much money as is needed. There’s no reason why cost should any longer be a barrier to the implementation of the policies and programs required to create the workers’...
  • White Gov Mourning Murder of Black Babies Called “Racist” [semi-satire]

    11/18/2018 10:21:28 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, Republican Gov Phil Bryant’s expression of puzzlement that there is no media outrage over the 20 million black babies killed by the abortion industry since 1973’s Roe v. Wade Supreme Court ruling drew a vicious backlash from Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund Executive Director Laurie Bertram Roberts. “Gov Bryant’s concern is disgusting and vile,” Roberts asserted. “It’s racist to single out the black mothers who choose to abort their babies.” ThinkProgress, a left-wing pro-abortion news site, slammed Bryant as a “misogynoir. His notion that abortion poses a distinct threat against black lives is a myth.” Claiming something is a...
  • Dems in Georgia Weigh Election ‘Do Over’ [semi-satire]

    11/17/2018 8:54:26 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    After all the post-election massaging of ballots failed to produce a victory for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacy Abrams, the Party was considering demanding that the courts order a “do over.” The latest recount shows the GOP candidate Brian Kemp with 50.2% of the votes. Since this is a majority of the votes counted it is enough to win the office outright without the runoff that would have been required had he failed to get 50% +1 vote. The Abrams’ campaign theorized that there are more than enough potential votes that could have been cast if more voters would have gone...
  • Dem Antics in Florida Defy Logic [semi-satire]

    11/16/2018 4:31:52 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The Florida Democratic Party made a post-election bid to "cure" defective ballots in the hope that a court would order these ballots to be counted in contradiction to state law. Chair of the Party, Terrie Rizzo explained that "it's only after all the legally compliant votes have been counted that we know how close the election was and whether it's worth the effort to try to get non-compliant ballots counted. With Republicans holding slim leads it was our assessment that bending the rules in the hope that a friendly judge would reward our effort seemed warranted." Meanwhile, defeated Sen. Bill...
  • DC to Crack Down on "Play Dates" [semi-satire]

    11/14/2018 7:59:45 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The practice of parents with similarly aged children meeting up for play dates is in the cross hairs of the DC bureaucracy. State Superintendent of Education Hanseul Kang has charged that these informal arrangements "are an illegal intrusion on turf reserved for my department. There are public institutions targeting young children and their development. Every hour wasted at some play group run by unqualified parents is an hour that could have been spent in a program run by professionals. It doesn't matter that the play dates are voluntary or that participation seemingly hurts no one. We will levy fines or...
  • Broward County Brings In Expert Consultant To Speed Up Ballot Count

    11/13/2018 6:53:29 PM PST · by Ciaphas Cain · 12 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | November 13, 2018
    FLORIDA—Broward County, which has had trouble meeting its legal deadlines in the counting of ballots, has now brought in a consultant to speed up the recount: counting expert Count von Count. The Count wasted no time and immediately began counting as soon as he saw the ballots. He picked up one and said, “One vote for governor, eh eh eh.” After that, he picked up a second ballot and said, “Two votes for governor, eh eh eh.” Next, he picked up a third ballot and said, “Three votes for governor, eh eh eh.” “Wow!” exclaimed Broward County official Stanley...
  • Vox Justifies Leftists Terrorizing Opponents [semi-satire]

    11/13/2018 7:18:47 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Last week a loud and angry mob of Antifa activists surrounded the home of Fox News personality Tucker Carlson engaged in lengthy chanting of leftist slogans and ended up breaking the home’s front door. Tucker’s terrified wife barricaded herself inside and called the police. While most media commentators on both sides of the left-right spectrum denounced this tactic, Vox Senior Correspondent and co-founder Matthew Yglesias hailed it, saying “I think the idea behind terrorizing his family is to make them feel some of the fear that the victims of MAGA-inspired violence feel thanks to the non-stop racial incitement coming from...
  • satire:Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American Peo

    11/12/2018 2:05:14 PM PST · by OddLane · 37 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 11/12/18 | Babylon Bee
    In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people." The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart. "If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me...
  • In L.A. Vet Blocked from Voting [semi-satire]

    11/12/2018 7:24:31 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    On election day a poll monitor in a Los Angeles precinct blocked army veteran John Reader from voting because of “the symbol of hatred” on his shirt. The symbol: a US flag. “I thought displaying the flag was a general expression of patriotism, you know for our country,” Reader said. “How’s that a hate symbol?” The poll monitor who would only give his first name (Bill) asserted that “someone so ignorant as to not know that the American flag is a symbol imperialism, oppression, and hatred shouldn’t be voting in our elections. Generous person that I am, though, I offered...
  • South Park issues rare apology for 'ManBearPig' skewering of Al Gore

    11/11/2018 6:58:11 PM PST · by Behind Liberal Lines · 46 replies
    NBC News ^ | Nov. 8, 2018 / 5:10 PM EST | By Janelle Griffith
    The creators of the show “South Park” have issued a rare apology, reprising the character ManBearPig to make amends for a dis that is more than a decade old. In a 2006 episode during season 10 of the animated series, Al Gore issues a stern warning to the students of South Park Elementary School about the “single biggest threat to our planet.” He was talking about ManBearPig, a creature meant to represent climate change... “South Park” was effectively mocking the global issue at the center of “An Inconvenient Truth.” Now, 12 years later, show creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker...
  • Contrasting Abortion Decisions in Two States [semi-satire]

    11/11/2018 10:12:33 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In this election abortion ballot measures appeared in two states. In West Virginia, voters approved a constitutional amendment with the following wording: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of abortion.” In Oregon, voters defeated a measure that banned taxpayers funding of elective abortions. Oregon is one of 17 states that forces taxpayers to fund elective abortions. Because the state has no abortion restrictions, tax dollars pay for unborn babies to be aborted for any reason up to the moment before birth. In 2017, Gov. Kate Brown (D) signed a bill expanding...
  • Video Proves Acosta Lied [semi-satire]

    11/10/2018 7:30:34 AM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, CNN's Jim Acosta lost his White House press pass. The events leading up to this began with his abuse of the press conference's opportunity to question President Trump live in front of multimedia. Given an opportunity to ask a question Acosta launched into a lecture about how the caravan from Guatemala was not an invasion. Trump attempted to agree to disagree, but Acosta persisted in berating him. Having gone way past a reasonable time with the microphone, Trump asked Acosta to let another member of the media have a turn. Acosta continued to rant and an intern attempted...
  • Broward County Official Defends Violating Law {semi-satire]

    11/09/2018 7:02:08 PM PST · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    In the wake of closely contested races for Senator and Governor, Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes sought to defend violating state election laws. Under state law each county is required to report the number of ballots to be counted in a timely fashion. Broward was one of the two out of 67 counties not to do so. Snipes contended that her lack of compliance with the law "was guided by a higher loyalty. It seems like every election new boxes of ballots keep being found in the darndest places. In order to ensure that these voters are not disenfranchised...
  • DC Takes Step Toward Allowing 16-Year-Olds to Vote [semi-satire]

    11/06/2018 11:04:32 AM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    A bill to lower the voting age to 16 for all elections, both local and federal, was approved by the Judiciary and Public Safety committee of the DC City Council by a 3-0 vote. It is now slated for a full Council vote in the very near future. Council member Charles Allen sought to rebuff critics who contend that people this young don't have enough real life experience to be informed voters. "They may still live with their parents and haven't had the burden of supporting themselves, but neither have the legions of welfare recipients who currently vote," Allen pointed...
  • Google Rejects Blackburn Ad [semi-satire]

    11/05/2018 10:42:24 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The communications giant rejected a political ad from Tennessee Republican senate candidate Marsha Blackburn because “it shows Democrats in a bad light.” The ad shows Democrat mobs engaged in several incidents of violence and threats of violence. Google did not dispute the truth of the content. Google CEO Pichai Sundararajan explained that “truth is not a defense against bad manners. Pointing out some else’s faults is not the way to start a beneficial dialog. The criticized party is not usually motivated by criticism to modify his behavior in the direction desired. Rather than allow Ms. Blackburn to waste her money...