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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to...

Before Tuesday’s taping with Hillary Rodham Clinton, the executive producers of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” said that the former first lady had never danced in her previous appearances with Ms. DeGeneres and that they didn’t expect her to when she taped her latest sit-down. But during a commercial break, Ms. DeGeneres’s resident D.J. got Mrs. Clinton clapping her hands and swaying her hips to Ariana Grande. Pink and Amy Schumer joined Ms. DeGeneres and Mrs. Clinton onstage, and they all hugged and waved to a crowd of thousands overflowing around the Rockefeller Center ice skating rink, where Ms. DeGeneres is...

Stolen from Lucianne.com

Stolen from Lucianne.com

So, I was walking through the mall and I saw that there was a "Muslim Book Store." I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and Mexicans?" The clerk said, "[Bleep] off, get out and stay out!" I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

Excerpted from The Hill: Last Tuesday, a 159-page PDF of the Iran nuclear agreement dropped into my inbox. Scrolling down to page 19, I checked out Paragraph 36. I suggest you do the same. Plenty of provisions in the Vienna agreement will get attention in the coming weeks, but Paragraph 36 may be the most important of all. Paragraph 36 tells us when and how the agreement might end. Both friend and foe have touted this deal as “historic” and promised (or moaned) that its provisions will stay in place for the long term. But in practice, this is not...

If this has posted before I missed it. Maybe you did, too. Hillary was speaking to an elementary school class in upstate New York and was taking questions. Kenneth said he had three questions: 1. What really happened in Benghazi? 2. Why did you decide to run for President after your husband disgraced the Office? 3: What happened to the 6 billion dollars missing from the State Department? As soon as Kenneth posed his questions, the bell rang for recess. The question session was to continue when class resumed. Upon class resuming, Johnny was called on. Johnny said he had...

Ever wonder why Obama does not sit with Putin? Because Obama does not want to be seen with a man who knows what he is doing, even if some of it may be against our own nation. But herein lies the problem: Obama and Kerry both are powerless in the world, and Russia and the world know this—they laugh and joke about how incompetent both of these men really are and at how dumb they look in the eyes of the world. When was the last time anyone heard of our leaders being laughed at, scorned at nearly every word?...

.....Chicago Police Officers Jerome Finnigan, left, and Timothy McDermott with an unknown man in a photo believed to be taken between 1999 and 2003. | Court file photo Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Wednesday had two choice words for the now-fired Chicago Police officer who joined another former officer in posing with rifles as they stood over a black man lying on his belly with deer antlers on his head. “Good riddance.” “Let me be clear: That photo does not represent the values of the city of Chicago that we all share in common. It doesn’t represent the values of the...

Considering the craziness of the modern world, April Fools' Day might be the most underrated date on the calendar. At least on that one day of the year, when people say misleading things or tell fibs they quickly explain that it was only a joke by announcing: “April Fools.” It could be of benefit to broaden that concept and apply it retroactively to cover utterances, misinformation and missteps of the past, as well as ongoing hypocrisy. Spiking several punch bowls with truth serum would be a helpful touch, too. If we could somehow pull that off, the following is what...

....Clinton, who has increasingly turned to Twitter as she plans her all-but-announced presidential run, upset the Chinese government on Monday with a message she posted on the social networking site. "The detention of women's activists in #China must end," Clinton tweeted. "This is inexcusable."

Hillary Clinton cracks a joke about her illicit email account in wake of scandal as she promises 'no more secrecy' **SNIP** She said: 'I am well aware that some of you may be a little surprised to see me here tonight. You know my relationship with the press has been at times, shall we say, complicated.' '... But I am all about new beginnings. A new grandchild, another new hairstyle, a new email account – why not a new relationship with the press? 'So here goes. No more secrecy. No more zone of privacy - after all, what good does...

Man dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he's greeted by an angel. Inside is a large court yard with clocks and different times on each of the clocks. He asks the Angel, "What are all those clocks for ?" "Oh," says the angel, "those clocks are from the most famous people on earth - for each lie one tells, the clock advances 1 second." "Hmmmm," say the man, " How come that clock only advanced one second?" "Oh, that one belongs to Mother Teresa," said the angel. "Well what about that one ?" Said the man, "It...

Now Joe Biden manages a St Patrick's Day gaffe: Veep makes off-colour joke about Ireland's religious divisions then gets prime minister's wife's name wrong Also got name of Irish prime minister's wife wrong and mis-named the title of a Yeats poem he selected for the occasion Joe Biden made yet another of his trademark gaffes today as he met Ireland's prime minister to mark St Patrick's Day - then suggested one side of its sectarian divide was unwelcome in Washington. Sporting a green tie and noticing that everyone else was also wearing one, or clad in green, he suddenly blurted:...

YORBA LINDA — Walk into Mark Hanson’s church and nobody will greet you. The guys hanging around the foyer might even make fun of what you’re wearing, or your haircut. A sign over the entrance reads, “Grab a seat in the back and shut up. Nobody cares what you think.” Welcome to Jerk Church. “You know these guys,” says Hanson, the pastor and founder. “They sit with their arms folded the whole time, leave during the altar call, criticize the pastor, snort when other people state their opinions and never create lasting bonds of friendship. Their wives are always really...

Marijuana use has not been found to increase the risk of car crashes, according to a new federal report. Studying car accidents in Virginia Beach, Va., during a 20-month period ending in 2012, researchers randomly sampled 3,000 accident-involved drivers and found no evidence suggesting those with marijuana in their system were more prone to accidents, according to a National Highway Traffic Safety Administration report released Friday. When researchers controlled for factors such as age and gender, they found no evidence marijuana use increases accident risks. This was despite the fact that, in the study, drivers who tested positive for marijuana...

Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is making fun of Chinese accents on Twitter while on official business in the country. In a tweet on Wednesday, first reported by Bloomberg, she wrote about her trip, replacing "r"s with "l"s in the words arroz (rice) and petróleo (petroleum). Twitter / @CFKArgentinaShe then tweeted a non-apology: Sorry. ¿Sabes qué? Es que es tanto el exceso del ridículo y el absurdo, que sólo se digiere con humor. Sino son muy, pero muy tóxicos. — Cristina Kirchner (@CFKArgentina) February 4, 2015 Translation: "Sorry. You know what? It's just that the ridiculousness and absurdity is...

Obama JUST SAID the world was "safer and more just" under the leadership of HE and David Cameron. What a joke.

Green Day, Lou Reed, Joan Jett, Ringo Starr Lead 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Monday, at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst in New Jersey, during an address to the troops, President Obama made a joke that they are like "'Santa in Fatigues," which was received with complete silence, prompting the president to nervously name-drop the military aircraft C-130 to evoke a response. President Obama said, "We are free and safe and secure over here because you are willing to serve over there," adding "You never stop serving, you never stop giving, you guys are like Santa in fatigues. Although I bet one of those C-130's is a little more efficient then Santa's sleigh." Follow Pam Key...