Keyword: joke

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  • Hillary Clinton cracks a joke about her illicit email account - promises 'no more secrecy'

    03/24/2015 12:11:16 AM PDT · by Libloather · 14 replies
    Daily Mail ^ | 3/23/15 | Kieran Corcoran, Francesca Chambers
    Hillary Clinton cracks a joke about her illicit email account in wake of scandal as she promises 'no more secrecy' **SNIP** She said: 'I am well aware that some of you may be a little surprised to see me here tonight. You know my relationship with the press has been at times, shall we say, complicated.' '... But I am all about new beginnings. A new grandchild, another new hairstyle, a new email account – why not a new relationship with the press? 'So here goes. No more secrecy. No more zone of privacy - after all, what good does...
  • Man dies an goes to heaven ... (Obama joke)

    03/18/2015 5:43:22 PM PDT · by 11th_VA · 20 replies
    18 March 2015
    Man dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he's greeted by an angel. Inside is a large court yard with clocks and different times on each of the clocks. He asks the Angel, "What are all those clocks for ?" "Oh," says the angel, "those clocks are from the most famous people on earth - for each lie one tells, the clock advances 1 second." "Hmmmm," say the man, " How come that clock only advanced one second?" "Oh, that one belongs to Mother Teresa," said the angel. "Well what about that one ?" Said the man, "It...
  • Now Joe Biden - makes off-colour joke about Ireland's religious divisions

    03/17/2015 6:10:10 PM PDT · by Libloather · 37 replies
    Daily Mail ^ | 3/17/15 | Senan Molony
    Now Joe Biden manages a St Patrick's Day gaffe: Veep makes off-colour joke about Ireland's religious divisions then gets prime minister's wife's name wrong Also got name of Irish prime minister's wife wrong and mis-named the title of a Yeats poem he selected for the occasion Joe Biden made yet another of his trademark gaffes today as he met Ireland's prime minister to mark St Patrick's Day - then suggested one side of its sectarian divide was unwelcome in Washington. Sporting a green tie and noticing that everyone else was also wearing one, or clad in green, he suddenly blurted:...
  • Man starts church for jerks

    03/15/2015 8:14:21 AM PDT · by piasa · 28 replies
    YORBA LINDA — Walk into Mark Hanson’s church and nobody will greet you. The guys hanging around the foyer might even make fun of what you’re wearing, or your haircut. A sign over the entrance reads, “Grab a seat in the back and shut up. Nobody cares what you think.” Welcome to Jerk Church. “You know these guys,” says Hanson, the pastor and founder. “They sit with their arms folded the whole time, leave during the altar call, criticize the pastor, snort when other people state their opinions and never create lasting bonds of friendship. Their wives are always really...
  • Feds: No link between pot and car crashes

    02/09/2015 3:35:55 PM PST · by Ken H · 59 replies
    The Hill ^ | Feb 07, 2015 | Jesse Byrnes
    Marijuana use has not been found to increase the risk of car crashes, according to a new federal report. Studying car accidents in Virginia Beach, Va., during a 20-month period ending in 2012, researchers randomly sampled 3,000 accident-involved drivers and found no evidence suggesting those with marijuana in their system were more prone to accidents, according to a National Highway Traffic Safety Administration report released Friday. When researchers controlled for factors such as age and gender, they found no evidence marijuana use increases accident risks. This was despite the fact that, in the study, drivers who tested positive for marijuana...
  • Argentina's president made an extremely offensive joke while meeting China's president

    02/04/2015 9:33:03 AM PST · by SeekAndFind · 26 replies
    Business Insider ^ | 02/04/2015 | SHANE FERRO AND LINETTE LOPEZ
    Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is making fun of Chinese accents on Twitter while on official business in the country. In a tweet on Wednesday, first reported by Bloomberg, she wrote about her trip, replacing "r"s with "l"s in the words arroz (rice) and petróleo (petroleum). Twitter / @CFKArgentinaShe then tweeted a non-apology: Sorry. ¿Sabes qué? Es que es tanto el exceso del ridículo y el absurdo, que sólo se digiere con humor. Sino son muy, pero muy tóxicos. — Cristina Kirchner (@CFKArgentina) February 4, 2015 Translation: "Sorry. You know what? It's just that the ridiculousness and absurdity is...
  • Live Obama Worship on Networks...Live Thread

    01/16/2015 9:40:40 AM PST · by SoFloFreeper · 27 replies
    Obama JUST SAID the world was "safer and more just" under the leadership of HE and David Cameron. What a joke.
  • Green Day, Lou Reed, Joan Jett, Ringo Starr Lead 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

    12/16/2014 9:46:08 AM PST · by wastedyears · 82 replies
    Rolling Stone ^ | 12/16/2014 | Andy Greene
    Green Day, Lou Reed, Joan Jett, Ringo Starr Lead 2015 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
  • President Obama's Joke Calling Troops 'Santa in Fatigues' Silences Audience

    12/15/2014 2:58:19 PM PST · by Nachum · 110 replies
    Breitbart ^ | 12/15/14 | Breitbart TV
    Monday, at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst in New Jersey, during an address to the troops, President Obama made a joke that they are like "'Santa in Fatigues," which was received with complete silence, prompting the president to nervously name-drop the military aircraft C-130 to evoke a response. President Obama said, "We are free and safe and secure over here because you are willing to serve over there," adding "You never stop serving, you never stop giving, you guys are like Santa in fatigues. Although I bet one of those C-130's is a little more efficient then Santa's sleigh." Follow Pam Key...
  • General Mills Company to honor Michael Brown [Satire]

    11/25/2014 7:49:44 PM PST · by doug from upland · 46 replies
  • Jim Webb Exploring Presidential Run

    11/20/2014 7:07:13 AM PST · by central_va · 40 replies
    WRVA ^ | 11/20/14 |
    Richmond, VA ( – Former U.S. Senator Jim Webb (D), despite having retired from just one term in Washington, has announced he is forming an exploratory committee to consider running for President. If he did run, he would likely have to beat former First Lady Hillary Clinton in the primaries. Webb says the country needs leadership, and a willingness to work beyond partisan lines. He says he is beholden to no one, and will not govern by polls. He also stresses that he feels the equality of opportunity in the U.S. has been backsliding, and he would work to change...
  • Missouri police respond to Ferguson Protest Leadership’s ground rules

    11/10/2014 7:08:07 PM PST · by Beave Meister · 37 replies
    Call the ^ | 11/10/2014
    Protest leaders from Ferguson have created a 19 point set of ground rules they expect police to follow. These rules are for when they re-start the riots after the Grand Jury makes a decision about charging officer Wilson in the death of Michael Brown. In response Missouri police have released 9 point set of rules for protestors 1. The first priority will be for protestors to remember “don’t break the law” 2. Protest leaders will communicate to all protesters the need for non-violence. Leaders will accept responsibility for any acts of violence any protesters engage in. 3. Protesters shall give...
  • Michelle Obama Appears In Veterans PSA with Cartoon Penguins

    11/10/2014 4:44:14 AM PST · by SoFloFreeper · 10 replies
    mediaite ^ | 11/5/14 | Josh Feldman
    .... Obama appeared in a video today to raise awareness about veterans issues. Sounds pretty standard, except for the fact that her co-stars were those cartoon penguins from the Madagascar movies (the video was a collaboration between Dreamworks and Joining Forces). In the video, one of the penguins complains that they don’t get any good missions, so Obama assigns him to oversee Operation Got Your 6.
  • 20 Delusions That Shape How Liberals Vote

    11/05/2014 5:44:44 PM PST · by Alex Baker · 14 replies
    RealityBatsLast ^ | Bryce Buchanan
    Consider the following 20 beliefs from the imaginary world where liberals live.  The “Affordable Care Act” will reduce the cost and increase the quality of health care, because if you want something done efficiently and economically, then you want unionized government bureaucracies to handle it.  We don’t have a spending problem  It is morally acceptable to borrow massive amounts of money from our grandchildren to support our own current consumption.  The 22 trillion dollars spent on the War on Poverty was quite successful in reducing the number of people in poverty.  The Social Security Program...
  • A bridge to Hawaii (joke)

    10/29/2014 5:15:51 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 8 replies
    CRASHR ^ | 10-29-14 | The Looking Spoon
    A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly  the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. 'God replied, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do...
  • The Jacksonville Jaguars Apologized For Their Mascot’s ‘Towels Carry Ebola’ Sign

    10/07/2014 3:39:49 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 11 replies ^ | 10/6/14 | Brian Sharp
    The Jacksonville Jaguars’ mascot Jaxson de Ville was seen on the field Sunday carrying a sign that read ‘Towels Carry Ebola’ in an apparent attempt to make fun of Steelers fans’ use of the Terrible Towel. On Monday, Jaguars team President Mark Lamping apologized for the incident....
  • Victorious Secret: Lingerie for Overcomers

    09/23/2014 5:49:54 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 20 replies
    Wittenburg Door ^ | 08/29/2008 | Kenny R
    Victorious Secret bills itself as "The Lingerie Line for the Overcoming Woman" And it is the "premier and dominant" producer of Christian-themed apparel in America, and maybe in the universe, according to the company's innovative founder, Veronique Wisteria. Famous for her eccentric ways and romanesque figure, Veronique started the company as a mail-order operation in her laundry room. Now it has more than 400 employees at its headquarters in Kansas City, Mo., and a 70,000 square-foot warehouse in Orange County, Calif., that handles more than 800,000 orders a year. But achieving that goal was difficult--about as difficult as slipping into...
  • U.S. strikes in Syria won't be 'shock and awe', top general says

    09/16/2014 8:20:21 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 27 replies
    yahoo ^ | 9/16/14
    The United States is not preparing to unleash a "shock and awe" campaign of overwhelming airstrikes in Syria against Islamic State fighters, the top U.S. military officer said on Tuesday.
  • Furious Obama Says Calls to Putin Going Straight to Voice Mail

    09/04/2014 8:27:19 AM PDT · by traumer · 98 replies
    The New Yorker ^ | September 2, 2014 | By Andy Borowitz
  • A Hamas-Israel joke

    08/30/2014 6:20:11 AM PDT · by US Navy Vet · 3 replies
    My Facebook | 20 Aug 2014 | Unkown
    A Hamas-Israel joke. Hamas decided to send a gift to the President of Israel . They sent him an elaborate box with a note . The President opened the box and saw that the content was feces ( shit). He opened the note which said “ This is for you and your people!" Since the President of Israel is a wise and experienced person he decided to reciprocate by sending his gift to Hamas with a personal note. The leader of Hamas were very surprised to receive the parcel and opened it very carefully, suspecting that it might contain a...
  • USC player Josh Shaw admits story was hoax [Media FACT CHECKERS FAIL AGAIN]

    08/28/2014 4:23:24 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 30 replies
    Mercury News ^ | 8/27/14
    Southern California cornerback Josh Shaw has admitted to lying to school officials about how he sprained his ankles last weekend, retracting his story about jumping off a balcony to save his drowning nephew. Shaw has been suspended indefinitely from all of the Trojans' team activities, the school announced in a statement Wednesday.
  • Did The Creator Of The Experimental Ebola Drug Joke About Culling 25% Of The World's Population?

    08/07/2014 12:38:08 PM PDT · by Nachum · 28 replies
    zero hedge ^ | 8/7/14 | tyler durden
    Charles Arntzen is the Regents' Professor and Florence Ely Nelson Presidential Chair of the Biodesign Institute at Arizona State University. Dr. Arntzen is known as a pioneer in the development of edible plant-based vaccines, and he has also been a key collaborator on what appears to be a promising new Ebola drug. The Washington Post recently reported that: It took nearly three decades of tireless research and countless millions of U.S. government dollars to produce a few grams of the experimental Ebola drug that may have saved the lives of two U.S. missionaries stricken by the virus in West Africa....
  • Morgan Stanley On Tesla: 'Whoa'

    06/26/2014 2:25:31 PM PDT · by ckilmer · 81 replies ^ | Jun. 17, 2014, 2:04 PM | Rob WileRob Wile
    Morgan Stanley's Adam Jonas is out with an awesome and slightly hilarious note in which he argues Tesla is now, maybe, the most important car company in the world. "Not even two years after the delivery of the first Model S, Tesla Motors has transformed from fledgling start-up to arguably the most important car company in the world. We are not joking."
  • Obama guidance & press schedule June 23, 2014: Working Families

    06/23/2014 5:37:26 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 5 replies
    Chicago Sun Times ^ | 6/23/14 | Lynn Sweet
    he major focus of the White House on Monday is its Working Families Summit, and President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, first lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden all are part of the program at the Omni Shoreham Hotel here.
  • ...Obama took a stroll. In public. And talked to people.

    05/23/2014 4:56:53 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 55 replies
    Washington Post ^ | 5/22/14 | KATIE ZEZIMA
    ...."It's good to be out," he said as he strolled across the Ellipse, suit jacket tossed over his shoulder. "The bear is loose."... He also ran into a very excited woman named Karen. "Oh my gosh, this is like the best day of my life," Karen said. She then posed for a photo with Obama.
  • Small Business Workshop [Hosted by... wait for it... Debbie Wasserman Schultz!]

    05/22/2014 1:42:42 PM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 18 replies
    Please join U.S. Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz as she hosts area small businesses along with Federal, State and Local agencies for a free Small Business Workshop to provide marketing, management and financial guidance to small business owners and those interested in starting a small business. Saturday, May 31, 2014 Broward County Convention Center 1950 Eisenhower Blvd Fort Lauderdale, Florida Registration: 8:30am-9:30am Workshops: 9:30am-3:30pm FREE ADMISSION For additional information, please call Rep. Wasserman Schultz's office at 954-437-3936 Please fill out the form below to receive more information about the Small Business Workshop.
  • Now Trigger-Happy University Students

    05/20/2014 11:33:07 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 31 replies ^ | May 20, 2014 | Debra J. Saunders
    Academia is hell. In the latest higher-education fad, students want "trigger warnings," according to The New York Times. It appears that some students are so fragile that they want university staff to protect them from big bad ideas. Students around the country say they want "explicit alerts that the material they are about to read or see in a classroom might upset them or, as some students assert, cause symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder in victims of rape or in war veterans." An Oberlin College draft -- now "under revision" -- for trigger warnings suggested faculty "be aware of racism,...
  • Mourning Their Idiot: Liberals Are Seriously Exaggerating the Loss of Colbert 'The Character'

    04/15/2014 8:36:57 AM PDT · by Dave346 · 32 replies
    Newsbusters ^ | April 15, 2014 | 07:12 | Tim Graham
    One of the tender mercies of Stephen Colbert's ascension to the "Late Show" set at CBS is his shedding of the faux-conservative "high-status idiot" character. To conservatives, this "Colbert" has never seemed authentic or sustained cleverness -- how many times can you say you don't read or even like books? It mostly marks the deep ruts of liberal arrogance in their own mental superiority. Colbert has perpetually had trouble staying inside this character, always winking at and mocking it more than inhabiting it. To liberals, abandoning this thin charade is far too much sincerity for an ironic age. They love...
  • USMC Best Joke of the Year

    03/22/2014 5:15:32 PM PDT · by Din Maker · 40 replies
    A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road....
  • Exclusive: Russia Will Sanction U.S. Senators

    03/17/2014 1:48:33 PM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 52 replies
    dailybeast ^ | 3/17/14 | Josh Rogin
    Putin is set to respond to Obama's sanctions of Russian officials with his own list. Several U.S. Senators and officials will be banned from visiting Russia, including Sen. Dick Durbin. U.S. senators, congressmen and top Obama administration officials are sure to be on Vladimir Putin’s sanctions list; a response to the Obama Administration’s announcement on Monday that 7 Russian officials and 4 Ukrainian officials would be barred from holding assets or traveling to the United States.
  • Before Commencing to Imbibe, Know Your Leprechaun Name...

    03/17/2014 4:22:37 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 16 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 16 March 2014 | Reaganite Republican
  • Hillary Joke of the Week~

    02/27/2014 7:44:18 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 18 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 27 February 2014 | Reaganite Republican
    Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first: "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill,...
  • [ Spoof site - Satire ] September 3, 2009 From the Archives: Joel Osteen Reads the Gospels for the F

    02/25/2014 4:33:56 AM PST · by Gamecock · 23 replies
    The Talking Mirror ^ | September 3, 2009 | By conor
    Last Thursday Joel Osteen, senior pastor of Lakewood “Church” in Houston, Texas revealed to the world that he had recently read the Gospels for the first time during a segment of the MTV Special True Life: I’m Joel Osteen. “Ya know, I decided it was about time I toughed it through all four Gospels. They’re super long but I mean, I am a pastor, right?” Osteen said laughingly in his charming Texan accent. The author of Your Best Life Now, a theological dissertation concerning the Biblical hermeneutic of success, was shocked at the lack of material prosperity present in the...
  • Ukraine defense minister ignores repeated phone calls from Chuck Hagel

    02/21/2014 7:26:52 AM PST · by Timber Rattler · 26 replies
    The Washington Examiner ^ | February 20, 2014 | Joel Gehrke
    Ukraine Defense Minister Pavel Lebedev has refused to take multiple phone calls made personally by Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, the Pentagon said Thursday. "Secretary Hagel has been trying, himself, since early this week," Pentagon press secretary Rear Adm. John Kirby told reporters. Lebedev refuses "to communicate, to accept a phone call" from Hagel or the Pentagon.
  • Hillary Joke of the Week...

    02/20/2014 5:56:11 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 11 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 20 February 2014 | Reaganite Republican
    At long-last, the uni-partisan bumper sticker has been invented! And the message is simple: 'RUN HILARY, RUN!'  Dems put it on the rear bumper,  Republicans put it on the front bumper...
  • Hillary Joke of the Week-

    02/13/2014 2:53:01 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 12 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 13 February 2014 | Reaganite Republican
    Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York in January, 2001- when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer... "I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth -even more power- and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents." Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?" "Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted. "A...
  • You must be joking: IL partners with The Onion to push Obamacare

    02/11/2014 12:29:06 PM PST · by afraidfortherepublic · 15 replies ^ | 2-11-14 | Benjamin Yount
    SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Illinois is turning it’s Obamacare sales pitch into a joke. To get more people to sign up for health care, the state is bragging it will spend $150,000 on ads for the satirical news site The Onion. “We know that to effectively reach Young Invincibles – who are 53 percent of our uninsured residents in Illinois – we have to work with non-traditional, and especially digital, sources for news and entertainment. That’s where The Onion fits right into our outreach strategy,” Jennifer Koehler, executive director of Get Covered Illinois said in a news release. Neither Koehler nor...
  • Hillary Joke of the Week:

    02/06/2014 9:58:55 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 22 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 06 February 2014 | Reaganite Republican
    Bill Clinton jogs daily near his home in Chappaqua , NY... BUT -as trouble seems to always find him- on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow: "Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb. "No, five dollars!" fired back Clinton . This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!" One day however, Hillary...
  • The Secret to a Long Life

    01/27/2014 3:51:28 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 10 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 27 January 2014 | Reaganite Republican
    A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the the nice lady above... She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said:  "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"  "I smoke ten cigars a day, she said. Then, before I go to bed, I smoke a big, fat joint! Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I do other drugs, have sex and, most importantly-- I don't exercise at all."  "That is...
  • Obama jokes of getting dreadlocks after leaving office

    01/12/2014 5:51:36 AM PST · by Libloather · 64 replies
    Washington Times ^ | 1/09/14 | Dave Boyer
    **SNIP** “I used to have a haircut like that,” Mr. Obama said to laughter. “And maybe, after I’m done with the presidency, I’m going back to that.” **SNIP** “If you want to know why I care about this stuff so much, it’s because I’m not that different from Roger,” the president said. “There was a period of time in my life where I was goofing off. I was raised by a single mom. I didn’t know my dad. The only difference between me and Roger was my environment was more forgiving than his. That’s the only difference. If I screwed...
  • The Serious Disadvantages of Bitcoin

    01/04/2014 8:13:19 AM PST · by narses · 27 replies
    The Wall Street Pit ^ | 1/1/2014 | Anthony Alfidi
    You’ve all heard about Bitcoin. No one knows who created it, although some writers have made very educated guesses about the identity of the pseudonymous creator. I have sometimes wondered whether Bitcoin is the product of some transnational criminal organization or rogue state that wants to undermine developed economies by casting their payment systems into doubt. I am less concerned with Bitcoin’s origin than with its flaws. I shall enumerate those flaws forthwith. Bitcoin enables fraud and other criminal activities. This is absolutely the single most salient feature of Bitcoin’s anonymity. Conventional currencies are indeed subject to laundering and counterfeit....
  • ACLU Judges Nativity Scene as "Non-Biblical," Drops Lawsuit

    12/17/2008 7:52:32 AM PST · by topcat54 · 16 replies · 790+ views
    Team Tominthebox News Network® ^ | 13 December, 2008 | Brother Slawson
    Baxter, Tennessee— After a long battle of back and forth name calling, sits-ins, and a news media frenzy the American Civil Liberties Union Foundation on Friday dropped a lawsuit against the small town of Baxter, the county seat of Smith County, Tennessee. Complaints were first reported to the ACLU-TN on August 24th after Baxter County Courthouse employees erected a nativity and decorated a Christmas tree on the front lawn of the courthouse to begin Christmas celebrations. “Religious displays in front of homes and churches are protected by the first amendment,” Harry Reasoning, ACLU-TN spokesman, was quoted in local papers in...
  • Grey Wolf Packs to be introduced to Hawaii [Big Island]

    01/01/2014 1:29:16 PM PST · by steve86 · 88 replies
    Mexican Grey Wolves. . The plan calls for 10 breeding pairs in Hawaii (Big Island) or 100 to 150 wolves. Conservationists are concerned that too few wolves are involved in the plan. Hawaii (the island) is 4,028 sq. miles, so big in fact, the other Hawaiian Islands could fit on it nearly twice. The wolves are expected to find and establish their own habitat(s), from the dry Kohala Coast on the west side, up and over Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa, to the lush and rainy eastern coast. Predictably, cattle and sheep ranchers are opposed, particularly the Parker Ranch which...
  • ‘Play Dates, Life Mates’: eHarmony for Kids goes nationwide

    12/27/2013 6:15:14 AM PST · by Gamecock · 21 replies
    PASADENA — Four years ago, match site eHarmony quietly launched a new initiative, eHarmony4Kids, to help parents find mates for their children. The new program, whose tagline is “Play Dates, Life Mates. eHarmony for Kids,” has worked so well that the company is rolling it out nationally this year. “People want to steer their kids toward compatible potential life partners at an early age,” says an eHarmony spokesman. “Core beliefs are in place at a young age so we can help them do that.” Parents in Nashville, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston were secretly invited to participate in the field testing....
  • Smells of Palestine enhance Christmas dramas

    12/20/2013 6:57:41 AM PST · by Gamecock · 14 replies
    MADISON, Wisc. — Last year, First Christian Church brought in live donkeys to wow the audience at its annual Christmas drama. This year, they’re adding “scented sensations which bring the Holy Land to life.” In short, their presentation is going to stink. With a slew of Christmas presentations vying for local audiences this year, churches are embracing far-out measures to enliven December dramas. This season’s fad is Smells of Palestine, a “sensory kit” sold by The Ol’ Factory Worship Experience, a Dallas company. The kit pumps “authentic smells” into the sanctuary during re-enactments of the Christmas story. “It works like...
  • Joke "o" the Day

    12/12/2013 10:26:55 AM PST · by US Navy Vet · 12 replies
    12 Dec 2013 | US Navy Vet
    A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the...
  • Analysts Predict Biggest Christmas Church Shopping Season Ever

    12/05/2013 5:51:23 PM PST · by Gamecock · 9 replies
    Full Title: Analysts Predict Biggest Christmas Church Shopping Season Ever; Churches sharpen seasonal services to nab annual worshipers ANNAPOLIS, MD – Christine Eagen sits at the table in her neatly decorated suburban dining room with an open phone book, a wall calendar, a notepad and a laptop. She circles church listings in the phone book with a red sharpie, visits their Web sites on her laptop and pencils in their names on her calendar between November 25th and December 24th, all the while taking copious notes. “There are so many churches in the area, and we have such a limited...
  • [SATIRE] Vatican: Priests can’t marry, but they can date

    11/21/2013 4:31:08 PM PST · by Gamecock · 46 replies
    VATICAN CITY — In a surprise move, the Vatican announced late Thursday that while priests cannot marry, they can date. “We invite priests to test the singles market, as long as they keep it above the neck and don’t make long-term commitments,” says a spokesman. A dozen priest-dating sites with names like sprung up immediately, with tens of thousands of priests offering photos and descriptions of their likes and dislikes to potential paramours. Most offered a disclaimer that said they could develop a significant platonic relationship, but marriage was off limits. “It’s completely natural for men and women to...
  • WHAT Scandal?

    11/07/2013 2:07:03 AM PST · by Reaganite Republican · 7 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 07 November 2013 | Reaganite Republican
    Bob: "Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal...? Jim: "You mean the Mexican gun running?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean SEAL Team 6?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi ?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean voter fraud?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?" Bob: "No, the other one." Jim: "You mean that 3 or 4 of Obama's GAY friends were mysteriously MURDERED when they came forward with claims he was gay too?" Bob: "No, the other...
  • Chris Christie: I'm a Conservative, Not a Moderate [Laugh O' Day!]

    11/05/2013 3:36:22 PM PST · by SoFloFreeper · 62 replies
    weekly standard ^ | 11/5/13 | MICHAEL WARREN
    New Jersey governor Chris Christie, a Republican, is on his way to winning big in his bid for reelection Tuesday, and there's already talk he may be on his way to running for president in three years. Speaking to CNN's Jake Tapper, Christie argued he's not a moderate as he's sometimes portrayed. "I'm a conservative," Christie told Tapper. "I've governed as a conservative in this state, and I think that's led to some people disagreeing with me in our state, because it's generally a left-of-center, blue state."