Posted on 03/30/2016 4:48:10 AM PDT by V K Lee
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On
December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
A little too long but good.
I would add: with women entering combat, men don’t even have to go to war.
You like touching the third rail?
There might be 1 that doesn’t really apply. Not sure which one.
Someone can touch them and they don’t bruise.
Why do men die before women???
Because they want to.
Many a truth spoken in jest
Who isn’t going to get a kick out of this? I think the last one must be an “add on” as I don’t recall that in the original....
I will add my 2 cents - men are happier because the female’s job is to keep track of EVERYTHING and has the job of reminding the male about EVERYTHING. He knows she’ll remember and he won’t have to. As they grow older, it gets to be even more so.
Have you ever noticed, one of the most important attribute women want a man to have, is to have a good sense of humor and to make them laugh?
After they’re married, they do everything they can to change that.
DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
When I was a kid, I remember my mom going to the hairdresser before getting her new driver license photo.
When I had to get mine renewed, I didn’t even comb my hair.
Gonna dispute the one about car mechanics. They are getting to the point (as a group, no doubt there are exceptions) where they don’t even tell men the truth anymore (at least some of the time, this is because the mechanic doesn’t know the truth either).
“A little too long but good.”
LOL - could be! So is the conversation when a male attempts to explain to a female how a combustible engine works :-/
Perhaps. Would like to add to that mechanic portion to include car salesman
I actually have to be the one who reminds her of upcoming appointments and relatives' birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I don't actually do the remembering -- that's what calendar apps are for. I just pass it along.
“combustible?”
Bookmarked.
For instance, his phone, car keys, checkbook, shoes,and toothpick? Or that special ‘will cherish forever’ artifact saved since childhood? :-/ Not only are women expected to nurse the wounded, they are also to fill the ‘hunting hound’ notch as well.
I was stuck in traffic on I-295 in DC one day when a girl in the hippy van in front of me exited the van, squatted, spread her skirt, and then peed. My wife tells me that growing up in rural NC, the women working the fields always wore skirts/dresses and no underwear so they could do the same as the hippy girl. The world can be a woman's urinal as well depending on what she is wearing.
It isn’t that men can’t remember things. It’s just that the things women remember are trivial. Things like birthdays, anniversaries, what you wore on your first date, your children’s names ... Useless stuff like that.
Whereas men remember the important things. Like the firing order of a small-block Chevy and Joe Namath’s lifetime passing percentage.
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