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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Twas the Night Before Inauguration

    01/19/2017 8:12:29 PM PST · by The Truth Will Make You Free
    unknown | 1/19/2017 | unknown
    Twas the Night Before Inauguration!Twas the night before Inauguration, and up in the tower, The Donald reflected on his newfound power. The conservative masses had come out in force, And delivered a victory that would chart a new course.The snowflakes were shell-shocked with tears in their eyes, The media lied to them . . . What a surprise. They had been promised a Hillary win, But the criminal Clinton took one on the chin.And though from all corners celebrities flew, They made no impression, for they hadn’t a clue. They talked about climate, racism, and such, And they made up...
  • Facebook FUnny DUmmy

    01/19/2017 5:22:33 PM PST · by Eagles Field · 6 replies
    1-19-17 | MK Colin
    This I posted on FB DU ... any angst-riiden pablum replies I'll post ... I want to give a heartfelt thank you to Democratic Underground. You’ve been steadfast at every turn despite the hurdles thrown in your path. I read a post on FR called DUmmies FUnnies, it seems quite popular. Oh my goodness did we laugh, somewhat drop-jawed, not by your consistent legendary idiocy unsurpassed. But the extra added bonus of your misery. We knew you were by any definition psychotic, wrong about everything- history’s truth the barometer, angry deflecting losers, cowardly beyond measure. Your salty tears our sustenance....
  • My wife saw this book in WalMart today.

    01/19/2017 5:18:38 PM PST · by Arkansas Tider · 30 replies
    unknown
  • Jimmy Stewart On Johnny Carson Show About His Dog Beau

    This is a great piece of American poetry. This is also a Great American Patriot. One of the best of the greatest generation.
  • Max the little looter brings some levity

    01/19/2017 12:27:56 PM PST · by ThinkingBuddha · 12 replies
    www.borderlandbeat.com ^ | 01/12/2017 | DD
    Viral stardom can be found in the strangest places. The latest star to rise to viral fame was photographed at the looting last week of a Chetumal supermarket, caught red-handed by the photographer with the loot held firmly — in its jaws. And so began fame for Max, not necessarily a street dog, but one with some street smarts. It was while the local supermarket Dunosusa was being looted in one of the many gas price riots throughout the country that the smallish dog seized the opportunity to nab a bag of chips, his favorite snack. A photojournalist from a...
  • Today's Toons 1/19/17

    01/19/2017 3:44:21 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/19/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • 'What an Honor!': Tony Orlando to Perform at Trump Inaugural Ball

    01/18/2017 8:48:10 PM PST · by Timpanagos1 · 28 replies
    Fox News ^ | 1/18/17
    Tony Orlando has joined the list of entertainers performing at galas around Washington, D.C., the night of President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration. Orlando, who is known for the hit songs "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree," "Candida" and "Knock Three Times," is set to perform at Friday night's Salute to Our Armed Services Ball. The ball is free by invitation only for members and veterans of the armed services and their families. It will be at the National Building Museum. On "The O'Reilly Factor" tonight, Orlando said he felt it was his "patriotic duty" to accept Trump's offer...
  • Ivanka Trump's Perfect Poise Is Annoying to Critics (not from the Onion, triple bag barf alert)

    01/18/2017 5:05:13 PM PST · by drewh · 43 replies
    Hollywood's Take ^ | January 18, 2017 2:04 PM | By Robin Lempe
    Is Ivanka Trump too perfect to be human? She's so poised and polished that nothing seems to ruffle her feathers. So is it any surprise some of her critics call her a Stepford wife? Is Ivanka Trump a Stepford wife? Poised and polished, Donald Trump’s gorgeous daughter can come off as too perfect — and even robotic — sometimes. Ivanka will be stepping down as the leader of her brand, and she will no longer retain a job at the Trump Organization. But is it safe to let a super-human advise on U.S. affairs? Hmmm. We need to investigate. Ivanka...
  • Got my "Make America Great Again" hat... but there's a problem!

    01/18/2017 1:59:44 PM PST · by Lazamataz · 67 replies
    So, I finally broke down and got my Trump "Make America Great Again" hat. It took forever to get here, and when I opened the box, I discovered the inscription was in RUSSIAN!!!!This lends more credence to my theory that I wrote about in another thread, THAT THE RUSSIANS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING!Here is a picture of the hat:
  • "Mainstream Mediasaurus"

    01/18/2017 1:54:55 PM PST · by Lorianne · 5 replies
    Zero Hedge ^ | 15 January 2016 | Ben Garrison
    They once roamed the earth ....
  • Michelle Obama Walks Through The White House One Last Time (Moochie's video walking with the dogs)

    01/18/2017 1:42:23 PM PST · by drewh · 56 replies
    Elle.com ^ | JAN 18, 2017 | BY LAURISE MCMILLIAN
    As the 2017 inauguration draws near, it's hard not to get nostalgic as the Obamas prepare to leave the White House. During their last few days, Americans and the first family, themselves, have taken to social media to reflect on the past eight years. Today, FLOTUS, Michelle Obama posted this video to Twitter and Instagram of her and her dogs, Sunny and Bo strolling through the White House halls. She captions the video "Taking it in on one last walk through the People's House."
  • Today's Toons 1/18/17

    01/18/2017 4:12:57 AM PST · by pookie18 · 27 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/18/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Michelle Obama Can’t Wait To Live a 'Normal Life' Again (taking a LONG break from the public)

    01/17/2017 2:23:34 PM PST · by drewh · 56 replies
    Time Magazine ^ | 4:04 PM ET | Samantha Cooney
    Michelle Obama has already shot down suggestions that she’ll run for president, but that doesn’t mean she’ll stay out of the spotlight entirely. The Washington Post reported that the First Lady eventually plans to set up an office with a small staff. The office will be run by Obama’s deputy chief of staff, Melissa Winter, who Obama described in an email to the Post as one of her “most trusted advisors and dearest friends.” But first, Obama, who has used her post to advocate for education for women and girls and children’s health, plans to take a long break. Then,...
  • EXACT date NIBIRU will DESTROY Earth REVEALED…and it’s THIS year a CONSPIRACY theorist claims to hav

    01/17/2017 9:22:52 AM PST · by FourtySeven · 134 replies
    Daily Star ^ | January 4, 2017 | David Trayner
    Conspiracy theorists have been warning a massive planet – called Planet X or Nibiru – will wipe out life on Earth for some time. Now a paranormal researcher claims to have combined astronomy, scientific research and the Bible to calculate the date of the apocalypse. ... Meade claims the Book of Revelation, in the Bible, says when Nibiru will reveal itself. Revelation 12: 1-2 speaks of a “sign in heaven” of “a woman clothed with the Sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head”. Using computer models of the movement of the...
  • Is it True?

    01/17/2017 8:10:00 AM PST · by Hillbilly sage · 13 replies
    Hillbilly sage
    So many rumors flying from every direction and I do not know which are true and which are fake. I have so many important questions and have become perplexed just trying to find answers. The MSM will not touch them, Snopes is unreliable and FactCheck was set up just to deliver White House talking points. Then an idea hit me like an Obamacare premium notice, the answers are right at my finger tips. Why not take advantage of the collective wisdom of thousands of brilliant minds on FR, so here goes. 1. Is it true that Bill Cosby is actually...
  • PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

    01/17/2017 7:15:19 AM PST · by sevinufnine · 19 replies
    Satire Wire ^ | 12/1/2016 | Not Indicated
    After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has been enjoying his discussions with President Barack Obama. (Humor, which we need daily :>)
  • ALL ABOUT TURD......

    01/17/2017 6:39:03 AM PST · by Paul46360 · 10 replies
    ME | Today
    Symptoms - knowing is half the battle Know the signs, spot the symptoms, and save a life. Do You Know Someone Suffering From Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder (TURD)? TURD is a pattern of pathologically dissociative and psychotic behavior, first observed in the late hours of November 8th 2016, and increasing in severity with passing time. Sufferers of TURD often exhibit pronounced cognitive dissonance, sudden bouts of childlike rage, rioting and uncontrollable crying. People with TURD are characterized by a persistent unwillingness to accept that Donald Trump is going to Make America Great Again. TURD Is caused by the election...
  • Today's Toons 1/17/17

    01/17/2017 3:55:54 AM PST · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/17/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • NFL LIVE THREAD CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND

    01/16/2017 7:26:19 AM PST · by Bender2 · 78 replies
    ESPN.com ^ | ESPN.com
    NFL Live Conference Championship Weekend Sunday, January 22 3:05 ET Packers at Falcons 6:40 ET Steelers at Patriots
  • FINALLY! The TRUTH about the Russian Hacks!

    01/16/2017 5:38:56 AM PST · by Lazamataz · 133 replies
    Original Material | 1/16/2017 | By Laz A. Mataz
    I propose to give you, my valued readers, the entirety of the Russian Hacks that gave Donald Trump an illegitimate victory. The Russians started out by financing Trump's Presidential campaign, realizing that a multi-billioniare would never have the resources to self-fund his own campaign.........Naughty Russians! The Russians decided to convince Hillary Clinton to engage in Pay-For-Play operations prior to her inevitable Presidential win in 2016.........BRILLIANT! The Russians influenced Hillary Clinton to take part in a scheme to sell arms to ISIS through Libya, and even helped her 'get rid of' Ambassador Chris Stevens.........Amazing skill, those Russians. The Russians then convinced...
  • Today's Toons 1/16/17

    01/16/2017 3:37:06 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 1/16/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Prostate Pandemonium

    01/15/2017 11:38:16 AM PST · by Hillbilly sage · 84 replies
    Hillbilly sage
    For those unfamiliar with Medicare, let me first explain a term. To participate in this program, you must have a "Primary Physician". Physician, of course, means someone that has successfully completed the required course of study at a University somewhere in India. Primary refers to the person solely responsible for income redistribution. They run up charges, then refer you to every specialist and laboratory in the area to get theirs. On a visit to my Primary Physician, she informed me that due to a highly elevated PSA, an appointment had been scheduled for me to have a prostate biopsy with...
  • BREAKING NEWS: Russia releases photo of DONALD TRUMP with hooker in Russian hotel

    01/15/2017 6:03:08 AM PST · by Islander7 · 94 replies
    FaceBook ^ | Jan 15, 2017 | Unknown
  • Leaked 'Star Wars' Auditions With The Bots From MST3K

    01/14/2017 6:11:18 PM PST · by Morgana · 15 replies
    Funny Or Die ^ | Published on Dec 4, 2015 | Funny Or Die
    In newly released footage it was revealed that Mystery Science Theater 3000 bots Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo auditioned for the part of BB-8 in Star Wars: The Force Awakens in this leaked footage. They may have been a little typecast.
  • Funniest commercial ever, from VW!!!!

    01/14/2017 11:06:22 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 30 replies
    vw commercial ^ | 1/14/2017 | self
    http://drive.google.com/file/ d/0Byng4ND1o- JLdWRoNUxFYy1nYkk/view?usp= drive_web
  • The 58th Presidential Inauguration

    01/14/2017 7:36:12 AM PST · by Bronzy · 22 replies
    Unknown ^ | Unknown | Unknown
    This glitzy site popped up second from the top on Google after I read a Washington Post article. My mind said, "That is just wrong".
  • Survey finds millennials lack basic survival skills

    01/13/2017 4:09:04 PM PST · by BBell · 133 replies
    NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune ^ | 1/13/17 | Todd Masson, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune
    In the coming zombie apocalypse, safe spaces may be in short supply, so millennials will have to take shelter under their Spoonk mats and crack open their cell phones in hopes there's creamy nougat inside. According to a recent survey -- this is shocking, I know -- millennials lack even the most basic survival skills. Apparently SnapChat offers no tutorials on how to build a snare trap. The survey, conducted ahead of the London Boat Show, found even the most basic of life skills are quantum physics to most millennials. More than half were unable to tie a single knot...
  • (vanity) Unintentionally Hilarious Back Cover of a Dime-Store Romance Novel

    01/13/2017 3:35:35 PM PST · by CardCarryingMember.VastRightWC · 113 replies
    (none) ^ | 1/13/2017 | (Vanity)
    The fact that this book's ad was meant to be serious is what I thought was funny! How many themes can you pack into one paperback? Vikings, ISIS terrorists, vampires, dude ranches, romance, angels, world class chefs, transporters, cults, ..... did I miss many? Image of Back Cover:
  • Rosie O'Fat's Plane Has Trouble With Her Boarding

    01/13/2017 10:29:16 AM PST · by Bushbacker1 · 90 replies
    1/13/16 | Bushbacker1
    Looks like Rosie O'Fat had a bit of trouble when she boarded her plane to Canada!
  • ***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

    01/13/2017 5:03:04 AM PST · by Lucky9teen · 64 replies
    FRIDAY THE 13TH | Me, bwahwaha
     I'm skeptical today, though...And...    and  and  and, Skeptical Kangaroo Is still skeptical   but... Is just dramatic   Because...we still have this guy....    But hey, at least today is Make Your Dream Come True Day  Still skeptical?  I'm still with this guy...
  • Today's Toons 1/13/17

    01/13/2017 3:28:02 AM PST · by pookie18 · 19 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 1/13/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • St. Louis Park High School Reports Tuberculosis Case (MN)

    01/12/2017 6:07:57 PM PST · by ButThreeLeftsDo · 18 replies
    KSTP.com ^ | 1/12/17 | Nate Leding
    The superintendent of St. Louis Park High School reported a case of tuberculosis. The school district says it was notified by the Hennepin County Department of Health that one individual at the high school had been diagnosed with active TB in late November. The individual was receiving medical care by the time the school district was notified. But the school district says the person was contagious in September, October and November before the diagnosis was determined. The superintendent says the Hennepin County Department of Health asked the district to wait to communicate the information until they could determine who else...
  • E-mail to Mr. Acosta

    01/12/2017 8:53:52 AM PST · by Hillbilly sage · 13 replies
    Hillbilly sage
    I wanted to share my e-mail in the hope that someone may get a smile from it. Mr. Acosta, I watched the entire Trump news conference and then have watched the segment, in which you star, five more times. As an original Tea Party member I certainly know the feeling of public disrespect and humiliation. For many years we have had to endure ridicule, mockery and outright lies from you and your stable-mates at the Clinton News Network brothel. For myself and millions of my fellow members, that slap across the snout of a pompous propaganda pig was priceless. The...
  • Today's Toons 1/12/17

    01/12/2017 3:30:15 AM PST · by pookie18 · 9 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/12/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Philly TV station wishes (a very dead) Joe Frazier Happy Birthday!

    01/11/2017 5:03:42 PM PST · by JonPreston · 34 replies
    Fox 29 ^ | 1/11/16 | Philly Fox 29
    CLICK ME Fox 29 in Philly wished a happy 73rd birthday to Boxing great Joe Frazier. Unfortunately Joe wasn't watching because has has been dead for 6 years.
  • Man Takes Police on Wild Chase Through Farm Field

    01/11/2017 1:39:46 PM PST · by Morgana · 7 replies
    wowk ^ | January 11, 2017 | Joseph Fitzwater, Assignment Editor
    The Milton Police Department, along with help from Barboursville Police, WV State Police, and the WV DNR has arrested a man after a wild police chase. According to a release, Milton Police asked to speak to Justin Brafford at a Marathon gas station. Instead of speaking with officers, Brafford sped off westbound on U.S. Route 60 in his pickup truck.
  • Funniest Moment of Trump Press Conference

    01/11/2017 9:41:11 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 23 replies
    Self | January 11, 2017 | PJ-Comix
    "Here, press this piece of plastic!"
  • Today's Toons 1/11/17

    01/11/2017 3:33:30 AM PST · by pookie18 · 9 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/11/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Uwe Boll's "Rampage" comedy series. Extreme vanity within.

    01/10/2017 10:39:40 PM PST · by Celerity · 8 replies
    1/11/17 | Celerity
    I just finished watching the final "Rampage" movie on Netflix. These movies are a rolling comedy, but the final one is our biggest punchline. If you're in the mood for some ridiculous, ludicrous and flat-out insulting leftist garbage - Tune in and drop out to this one ! The first Rampage movie follows a youngster cleverly named "Bill Williamson". Imaginative, eh ? Well this is only the surface of the piece d'la resistance that lies ahead. Bill decides enough is enough, and he is going to shoot up the town. As a youngster, the creators of the movie have set...
  • If you didn't watch tonight's Fare Thee Well, What did you do?

    01/10/2017 7:00:42 PM PST · by ButThreeLeftsDo · 235 replies
    BTLD | 1/10/17 | BTLD
    Instead of watching what must have been the most painful of viewing experiences in the history of the planet... What did you do, instead?
  • Time for a little laughter (vanity)

    01/10/2017 8:34:21 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 35 replies
    unknown | 1/10/2017 | self
    An elderly gentleman... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
  • Today's Toons 1/10/17

    01/10/2017 3:28:37 AM PST · by pookie18 · 16 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/10/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Farewell to a Decade of Media Drooling Over Barack Obama

    01/10/2017 3:00:49 AM PST · by tired&retired · 45 replies
    MRC News Busters (Per Drudge Link) ^ | January 9, 2017 | Rich Noyes
    From the moment then-state senator Barack Obama showed up on the national stage to address the Democratic convention in 2004, the news media were in love. “Obama is a rock star,” NBC’s Andrea Mitchell exclaimed during MSNBC’s live convention coverage back on July 27, 2004. The next morning, ABC’s George Stephanopoulos echoed Mitchell’s enthusiasm: “He’s the Tiger Woods of the Democratic Party right now.”
  • New James Bond movie scene recommendation

    01/09/2017 10:38:21 AM PST · by Degaston · 6 replies
    It seems like Donald Trump has offended some of the brave courageous Intelligence agency workers. Thus its time to see a dialogue like the following shown in a movie on this topic ;) James: My name is Bond. James Bond. I am 007 and licensed to kill. BadGuy: I understand that your new Prime Minister has accused the political appointments over you in MI6 of having done shoddy analysis work. James: My feelings are hurt as I have never had anyone show negativity or threats towards me like this. I am now greatly offended beyond comprehension that the new PM...
  • NFL Live Thread Divisional Play Off Weekend

    01/09/2017 6:15:50 AM PST · by Bender2 · 241 replies
    ESPN.com ^ | ESPN.com staff
    NFL Live Thread Divisional Play Off Weekend Saturday, January 14 3:35 PM Seahawks at Falcons 7:15 PM Texans at Patriots Sunday, January 15 12:05 PM Steelers at Chiefs 3:40 PM Packers at Cowboys
  • Today's Toons 1/9/17

    01/09/2017 3:53:19 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 1/9/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Democrats Demand Obama Be Reseated Instead Of Trump (satire)

    01/08/2017 12:44:21 PM PST · by Lazamataz · 24 replies
    Original Material | 1/8/2017 | By Laz A. Mataz
    Washington, DC -- Adding to a long list of recent demands, Democrats today called for Obama to be reseated as President for a third term, instead of President-Elect Donald Trump. Sen. Charles Schumer (NY) lead the charge today, stating "We all know if President Obama had run against Trump, he'd have cleaned Trump's clock. So let's make him President again." Other top Democrats fanned out to the Sunday talk shows, with the same message: To deny Obama his rightful place as President is racist and mysogynistic. This recent demand is in addition to the Cantwell/Murray demand that Paul Ryan stop...
  • Description and Primary Mission of The USS Obama

    01/08/2017 11:45:46 AM PST · by Windflier · 76 replies
    Free Republic ^ | 8 January 2017 | Windy
    Describe the USS Obama. Describe its primary mission.
  • Will Megyn Kelly's Career be Doomed by the "McLean Stevenson Effect?"

    01/08/2017 10:51:20 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 158 replies
    Self | January 8, 2017 | PJ-Comix
    Four years ago I posted about the "McLean Stevenson Effect" which you can read HERE. Basically, McLean Stevenson starred on the hit series M*A*S*H. However, after 3 seasons in the role of Henry Blake, Stevenson got tired of being part of an ensemble and decided to leave the show and go it alone on the "McLean Stevenson Show" which was an immediate flop. His career never recovered and his name has become synonymous with really poor entertainment career decisions. You could even consider McLean Stevenson to be the patron saint of that type of poor judgement. Okay, so my question...
  • Mocking Every Hollywood Political Lecture Ever

    01/07/2017 9:40:02 PM PST · by Impala64ssa · 15 replies
    You Tube ^ | 1/4/17 | Townhall Media
    Conservatives mock boring and predictable political video from elitist Hollywood liberals.