Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Rodney Dangerfield's best one liners

    03/23/2018 3:33:48 PM PDT · by NRx · 12 replies
    YouTube ^ | 02-09-2018 | Rodney Dangerfield
    24 minutes of the late great Rodney Dangerfield.
  • Squeezing stress balls not as effective as punching someone in the face, finds study

    03/23/2018 3:23:34 PM PDT · by savedbygrace · 16 replies
    News Thump ^ | 19 February 2015 | Davywavy
    Sitting quietly and squeezing a foam rubber ball is not as effective a method of relieving stress as just smacking someone in the gob, a new study has found. Stress balls are often found in high-pressure office environments to help staff work off unwanted nervous energy caused by irritating co-workers – but evidence suggests they’re even less effective than homeopathy. “My boss is a pernickity little Hitler and I’ve been trying to burn off my rage and frustration at him by squeezing a squeaky penguin I got from a trade show years ago,” said sales executive Caroline Hutchins. “No matter...
  • Today's Toons 3/23/18

    03/23/2018 3:39:52 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 3/23/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Joe Biden, Donald Trump Slated For UFC 223

    03/22/2018 6:59:31 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 17 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | March 22, 2018
    NEW YORK, NY—In a serious escalation from Joe Biden’s recent assertion that he would have “beat the [expletive]” out of Trump back in high school and the president’s subsequent Twitter clap-back claiming that the former V.P. “would go down fast and hard, crying all the way,” UFC President Dana White announced Thursday that Joe Biden and Donald Trump will face off in the octagon at UFC 223 early next month.The surprise last-minute addition to the much-anticipated Ferguson vs. Khabib main event is expected to draw huge pay-per-view numbers as fight fans worldwide tune in to watch the 71-year-old Trump and...
  • Middle-Earth Announces Heavy Tariffs On Narnian Imports

    03/22/2018 6:51:42 PM PDT · by Ciaphas Cain · 15 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | March 22, 2018
    MINAS TIRITH, GONDOR—Kicking off a major trade war between the two kingdoms, the Middle-Earth Trade Federation has announced heavy tariffs on the import of Narnian steel, sending the stock market into a freefall Thursday.Any steel imported from Narnia to Gondor, Rohan, Erebor, or Mirkwood will be subject to a 30% tax. The move is expected to raise the end consumer price of various imported goods significantly, according to expert economists working at Rivendell.“Trade wars are great, and they’re really easy to win,” the king of Gondor said in a dispatch via carrier pigeon. “If we keep allowing cheap Narnian steel...
  • 17-year-old smashed her car into driver's license exam office during test

    03/22/2018 3:41:47 PM PDT · by McGruff · 79 replies
    SFGATE ^ | March 22, 2018 | Michelle Robertson
    A young woman from Minnesota lived out every teen driver's worst nightmare on Wednesday. During her driver's license exam, the 17-year-old crashed her car into a building. No serious injuries were reported, police in the town of Buffalo said. What went wrong is something that goes wrong for most new drivers, though hopefully not under the watch of a driving test examiner. The 17-year-old Buffalo resident put the car into drive, instead of reverse. Rather than backing out of the parking space, the teen plowed straight into the building that housed the exam station office.
  • Why the Demand for American Sperm Is Skyrocketing in Brazil

    03/22/2018 7:40:44 AM PDT · by Enterprise · 38 replies ^ | March 22 | Samantha Pearson
    SĂO PAULO—With “jewel-tone eyes,” blond hair and a “smattering of light freckles,” Othello looks nothing like most Brazilians, the majority of whom are black or mixed-race. Yet the “Caucasian” American cashier, described in those terms by the Seattle Sperm Bank and known as Donor 9601, is one of the sperm providers most often requested by wealthy Brazilian women importing the DNA of young U.S. men at unprecedented rates. Over the past seven years, human semen imports from the U.S. to Brazil have surged some 3,000% as more rich single women and lesbian couples select donors whose online profiles suggest they...
  • There are no royals or peasants, just humans in the same boat (or plane)

    03/22/2018 5:26:00 AM PDT · by SandRat · 30 replies
    I am waiting in the "Poor Pathetic Schmuck" line for my boarding pass at the airport. There are at least 30 people in front of me. In the next line over, at the counter for the same airline, an attendant is doing nothing but waiting for the next "Elite" customer to show up. The Elite passenger has no time to waste waiting in line. It's doubtful that they will even let his baggage rub up against mine, because there's no telling what loathsome disease it might be passing along. The airline to my right has a similar caste system, but...
  • Today's Toons 3/22/18

    03/22/2018 3:23:22 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 18 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 3/22/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Enjoy This Kid's DIY Weather Report (engineered with help from his Uncle)

    03/21/2018 3:47:41 PM PDT · by COBOL2Java · 18 replies
    YouTube ^ | 21 March 2018 | YouTube
    According to Reddit, the video was part of an ambitious kindergarten assignment that asked students to create their own weather forecast videos. I assume his Uncle has quite a bit of video editing experience...
  • Woman Arrested After Trying to Order Breakfast Sandwich from Jail Security Booth

    03/21/2018 12:05:32 PM PDT · by COBOL2Java · 12 replies
    Munchies ^ | MAR 20 2018, 6:06PM | Jelisa Castrodale
    A few years ago, McDonald’s had a commercial starring a sleepy-eyed twentysomething who stopped every attempt at communication with a raised hand and a terse “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.” Lizabeth Ildefonso took a similar approach to on Friday morning, refusing to speak with anyone until she got her bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, even when the person she was talking to said, “Lady, you’re at the Riverhead Correctional Facility.” According to the Suffolk County Sheriff’s Office, at a little after 10 AM on Friday, Ildefonso drove up to the security office at the Riverhead...
  • Harvard Now Offering Four-Year Degree In Feeling Oppressed-SATIRE

    03/21/2018 11:53:33 AM PDT · by fungoking · 11 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 3/12/18 | Staff
    CAMBRIDGE, MA—Responding to consumer demand, Ivy League bellwether Harvard University announced Monday its new four-year Bachelor’s degree in Feeling Oppressed. “For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost of attending our prestigious school, we are offering a comprehensive program that will prepare you for a lifetime of convincing yourself that you are a perpetual victim and nothing that happens in your life is your own fault,” Harvard president Drew Faust announced in an afternoon press conference. “It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what your background is, whether or not you’re by far the...
  • Today's Toons 3/21/18

    03/21/2018 3:47:49 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 19 replies
    The Politics Forums ^ | 3/21/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Delta mixes up eight-week-old puppy's flight destination sending owner the WRONG dog

    03/20/2018 5:18:12 PM PDT · by dennisw · 12 replies
    UK Mail ^ | 20 March 2018 | MINYVONNE BURKE
    Josh Schlaich said his eight-week-old dog Ren was put on the wrong Delta flight He was given the wrong at Boise Airport and had to figure out what happened The puppy was supposed to arrive in Boise Saturday night but was 'misrouted' to Las Vegas and Salt Lake City before finally arriving in Boise nearly 24 hours later Delta said there was a mix-up between Richmond, where the dog left, and Boise An Idaho dog owner said he was shocked and worried when he arrived to the airport to pick up his eight-week-old puppy only to be handed the wrong...
  • Facebook Reminds Users Its Terms Of Service Specifically Allow For Orwellian Social Engineering

    03/20/2018 11:57:55 AM PDT · by snarkpup · 4 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | March 20, 2018
    MENLO PARK, CA—Responding to the recent data-hijacking scandal which has its stock price plummeting and lawmakers demanding an explanation, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg reminded everyone in a Facebook Live video Tuesday that the tech giant’s official terms of service specifically allow for it or any third party to utilize data it collects to engage in nefarious, Orwellian social engineering of any type it chooses. ... The young tech billionaire went on to stress that the same terms also grant third parties unlimited use of user data once it’s purchased from Facebook, even if that means doing things “the likes of...
  • Today's Toons 3/20/18

    03/20/2018 3:54:08 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 14 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 3/20/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Putin win in Landslide: Was there American Collusion?

    03/19/2018 6:53:58 AM PDT · by a little elbow grease · 26 replies ^ | 3/19/18 | self
    Putin win in Landslide: Was there American Collection? Over 75%? Did America hack?
  • Today's Toons 3/19/18

    03/19/2018 4:05:55 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 20 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 3/19/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • The Latest: Russia says 30,000 flea besieged east Ghouta

    03/19/2018 3:02:54 AM PDT · by BBell · 30 replies
    2:15 p.m. The Russian military says more than 30,000 people have fled Syria's besieged east Ghouta and that the flow is continuing. Maj. Gen. Vladimir Zolotukhin was quoted by Russian news agencies as saying the civilians were leaving Saturday through a government-run humanitarian corridor monitored by the Russian military. "As of this time, more than 30,000 people have left and people are continuing to exit," he was quoted as saying Saturday afternnon by Russian news agencies. Zolotukhin is spokesman for the Russian center for reconciliation of the warring parties in Syria.
  • "Hell Week" stories...

    03/18/2018 8:16:55 PM PDT · by wheresmyusa · 52 replies
    me again | 3/18/2018 | me
    I created this thread to compile hilarious and compelling "Hell Week" & other boot camp stories. Let em' rip.