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Humor (General/Chat)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Lighten the Load

    02/26/2017 6:17:15 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 5 replies
    unknown | 2/26/2017 | self
    A lighter moment. Enjoy. A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ: "We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you."? AT AN OPTOMETRIST’S OFFICE: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ? ON A PLUMBER’S TRUCK: "We repair what your husband fixed.” ?? On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."? On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”? At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment." ?...
  • Montana Governor Blocks Right to Bear Arms [fake-satire]

    02/25/2017 3:47:42 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Montana Governor Steve Bullock (D) vetoed legislation that would have made the state a “Constitutional carry” state. That is, individuals would be permitted to exercise their right to bear arms as defined in the US Constitution’s Second Amendment without having to obtain state or local government permission to do so. In his veto message, Bullock declared that “the idea that an individual is qualified to determine whether he needs to carry a firearm is absurd. Selfish concern for self-preservation at the expense of broader social goals must not derail sensible gun control. Right now, far too many people have guns....
  • 'Batman vs Superman,' 'Hillary's America' Win The Golden Rasberry For 'Worst' Films of 2016

    02/25/2017 9:37:33 AM PST · by drewh · 36 replies
    Reuters ^ | Sat Feb 25, 2017 | 10:02am EST
    <p>A documentary criticizing U.S. Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton tied on Saturday with superhero ensemble "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" on a list of the year's worst achievements in film, winning four Razzies apiece.</p> <p>The annual tongue-in-cheek Razzie awards, which serve as an antidote to Hollywood's Oscars ceremony, named Dinesh D'Souza's "Hillary's America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party" as the worst film of 2016.</p>
  • Lighten the Load

    02/25/2017 5:44:43 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 23 replies
    unknown | 2/25/2017 | self
    Misinterpreting the Words When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses." My husband and I always had a good laugh over this. That was over 50 years ago, and the memory still remains in my heart. Groton, Mass. My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail Mary, full of grapes" Missoula, Mont. My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja...

    02/24/2017 4:42:47 AM PST · by Lucky9teen · 70 replies
    National Tortilla Chip Day Date When Celebrated : Always February 24 Today is a holiday with a crunch. One might even suggest that it is a corny holiday. Well, that's okay because today is National Tortilla Chip Day. Just a few decades ago, Americans seldom ate Corn Chips and Salsa. It's popularity has grown immensely. Today is a tribute to that rising popularity of one of America's favorite munchies. Did you know? The corn chip recipe was brought to the U.S. from Mexico by texas businessman Elmer Doolin.  Celebrate National Tortilla Chip Day with a handful of crunchy, tasty...
  • Today's Toons 2/24/17

    02/24/2017 3:42:08 AM PST · by pookie18 · 14 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/24/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Comedian Lenny Schultz Still Bringing the Laughs at 83

    02/23/2017 9:16:03 PM PST · by nickcarraway · 4 replies
    NBC Miami ^ | 2/23 | Ari Odzer
    He’s 83 now, and doesn’t look all that familiar, until you hear his schtick. Growling like a dog, clucking like a chicken, whirring like a helicopter, it all comes out of Lenny Schultz. It all comes back to you if you’re old enough to remember television from the late 1960’s through the 70’s, and you recognize the man as a living, breathing comedy legend. "They would go nuts, the people, it was very hard to follow my act because I’m doing silly and crazy things," Schultz said, reminiscing about his glory days. "That was my reputation, unique and different and...
  • Vanity

    02/23/2017 12:32:09 PM PST · by al baby · 14 replies
    Today | Self
    Ok if Trump builds the wall would Danica Patrick crash into it ?
  • President Trump Has Lunch With The Pope

    02/23/2017 10:26:03 AM PST · by EveningStar · 15 replies
    President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it." The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed...
  • Today's Toons 2/23/17

    02/23/2017 3:49:38 AM PST · by pookie18 · 16 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/23/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • ESPN Sued for Social Justice Warrior Stupidity - Bias Against Conservatives

    02/22/2017 7:07:26 AM PST · by tony75034 · 17 replies ^ | 2/22/2017 | Lord of All Editors
    An ESPN commentator is suing the network for wrongful termination after they fired him for supposedly calling Venus Williams a "Gorilla," which he didn't. Media analyst Mark Dice has the story. ESPN doesn't know the difference between 'Guerilla warfare' and the word 'Gorilla.' Now they will lose $ - good!. Second video has Crowder interviewing another ESPN guy fired for PC, Curt Schilling Going Off on ESPN and #SJWs!
  • Mother sends care packages full of trash to college son

    02/22/2017 4:51:09 AM PST · by Daffynition · 44 replies ^ | Feb 21, 2017 | staff reporter
    NEW WILMINGTON, Pa. When Westminster College student Connor Cox received a pair of care packages from his mother he expected to find cookies. Instead, Cox found the box was full of empty soda cans, used tissues and other trash. Confused, he opened the second box and found even more trash inside.
  • Today's Toons 2/22/17

    02/22/2017 3:28:22 AM PST · by pookie18 · 21 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/22/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Was ‘Weird Al’ the real star all along?

    02/21/2017 2:35:13 PM PST · by billorites · 72 replies
    Washington Post ^ | February 16, 2017 | Geoff Edgers
    LOS ANGELES — One day last summer, Lin-Manuel Miranda, on break from “Hamilton,” stopped by neighbor Jimmy Fallon’s house in the Hamptons. They both love music and Fallon has a listening room in the basement, so it wasn’t long before they were downstairs sharing another passion: “Weird Al” Yankovic. “I said, ‘Do you know “Polka Party!”?’ ” Fallon says. “He’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, I know it word for word.’ ” Fallon threw Yankovic’s 1986 record on the turntable, and the Broadway phenomenon and the late-night TV star sang along to an accordion-driven medley that covers 12 songs in three minutes, from...
  • Cyclist girl gets revenge on catcalling van drivers (video)

    02/21/2017 11:56:51 AM PST · by lowbridge · 50 replies
    Live Leak ^ | February 21, 2017
  • Today's Toons 2/21/17

    02/21/2017 3:26:11 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/21/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Let's lighten the load.

    02/20/2017 9:36:14 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 3 replies
    multiple | 2/20/2017 | unknown
    A variety for your enjoyment.
  • Today's Toons 2/20/17

    02/20/2017 4:06:48 AM PST · by pookie18 · 14 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/20/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Oroville Dam Reviews

    02/19/2017 5:41:37 PM PST · by exDemMom · 46 replies
    Google Maps ^ | Variable dates | Multiple authors
    "Pretty, but not very solid. Cement walls could be higher/more reliable. C'mon dam, you had one job."--Noah Lantz, one star "I here the spillway is great right now for white water rafting. Watch out for street poles down stream though"--David Lansing, five stars "I give this dam 5 stars, because it's a shining beacon of the kind of California doctrine that they want for the rest of the country!"--Richard Howell, five stars "Dam does a great job at showcasing American ingenuity, the advances we have collectively made in water management, materials science, and our fundamentally negligent attitudes towards maintenance and...
  • Trapped In Donald Trump’s Brain (Maureen Dowd Insane Psycho-Babble Alert!)

    02/19/2017 4:15:09 PM PST · by drewh · 37 replies
    The Old Gray Hooker ^ | 2.18.17 | modo birdie
    WASHINGTON — Donald Trump is stuck in his own skull. “He lives inside his head, where he runs the same continuous loop of conflict with people he turns into enemies for the purposes of his psychodrama,” says Trump biographer Michael D’Antonio. Because Trump holds Thor’s hammer, we must keep trying to figure out his aggrieved style of reasoning. So we’re stuck in Trump’s head with him.And the more Trump turns journalists into whipping boys and targets, the more he sounds like a dictator himself. “When Trump was a kid, he was obsessed with intimidating other boys,” D’Antonio says. “Prior to...
  • If Donald Trump gave the Gettysburg Address

    02/19/2017 7:29:05 AM PST · by IronJack · 66 replies
    Original ^ | 02/19/2017 | IronJack
    A … bunch of years ago … a whole bunch … the guys from England – they were great guys, these guys – they came from England and they made this country. They made it. From the ground up. And the country was conceived in liberty. As it should be. I love liberty. I was elected on liberty. And I’m going to restore it. I’m going to make liberty great again. And it was also dedicated to the idea that all men are created equal. Men and women. I did better than any other Republican with women. Three to one....
  • A Day Without a Woman - NEED HELP (vanity)

    02/19/2017 4:20:57 AM PST · by Badboo · 43 replies
    Comrades you are called upon to assist in this endeavor. Please post your most creative slogan that captures the revolutionary spirit of this event. Something that say your buddy (whose womenfolk might attend - poor sap) could use.
  • Anyone one else doing this: [ Liberal Exodus suggestions ] ~ Vanity

    02/18/2017 6:47:02 PM PST · by GraceG · 20 replies
    So I have had a few discussions with idiot liberal acquaintances over the last few months since Donald trump won and then became our President. Many of them revolve around how horrible Trump is and how they feel like everything is going to hell. I just humor them as I tried to get a feel how they were before the election and they were either for the old dirtbag hag Hillary or some of the real fruitcakes were for Jill Stein. When they say that they want to move out of the United States I always recommend the following countries:...
  • Atheist Demographics - Who Are The American Atheists?

    02/18/2017 5:18:01 PM PST · by bogusname · 28 replies
    Posted specifically to irritate Atheists. I give 7 shameful facts about American Atheist demographics gleaned from the Pew Research Center report.
  • On My way to Somewhere Else

    02/18/2017 4:42:23 PM PST · by publius911 · 12 replies
    Inside Costa Rica, WSJ ^ | 2/18/2017 | Publius911
    On My Way to Somewhere Else Can't remember what , but looking something up on line earlier today I came cross this article : Costa Rica Street addresses I have been to Costa Rica many times now, having relatives there who are long time residents. My first trip was around 1999, to the Capital, San Jose, a city of population 335,000, in 2016. Remarkably there was not a single street sign or house or business address in the entire city (that I know of.) As can be imagined, this creates a "Twilight Zone" experience for first time visitors. The link...
  • He will not divide us - part deux!

    02/18/2017 2:14:38 PM PST · by KosmicKitty · 21 replies
    8chan - I hope that's okay ^ | 2/17/2017 | Sort of Shia LeBeouf, but not really
    For those Freepers who can't resist a train wreck. Shia LeBeouf has moved his live streaming "He Will Not Divide Us" camera to Albuquerque (as in 'I should have made a left turn'). No snow there, but still lots of crazies. If you enjoyed Astoria, Queens, you'll enjoy Albuquerque. He Will Not Divide Us - part deux - New Mexico edition. So far one 4-channer extolling Kekistan, and one guy in suit and an Anonymous mask. But lots of fun viewing, and Shia, himself, is there right now. Please, anyone in the area, please show up in a "Billy Jack"...
  • Dem rep: Steve Bannon 'is a stone cold racist'

    02/18/2017 9:32:55 AM PST · by Stopthethreat · 53 replies
    Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) on Friday accused President Trump's senior adviser Steve Bannon of being "a stone cold racist and a white supremacist sympathizer." Jeffries on Friday told MSNBC that any meeting between Trump and the Congressional Black Caucus must exclude Bannon. "We're looking forward to an open dialogue, but Steve Bannon should not be in the room," Jeffries said. Asked to elaborate on his position, he said that he does not wish to normalize Bannon. "Well listen he's a stone cold racist and a white supremacist sympathizer. It'd be hard for me to participate in any meeting with Steve...
  • Mike Rowe Reading a letter from his mother (I laughed till I cried)

    02/18/2017 8:45:04 AM PST · by Auntie Mame · 44 replies
    YouTube ^ | 09/14/16 on Youtube | Mike Rowe
    This is Mike Rowe sharing a letter from his mother. I laughed till I cried. If you need a lift today, watch this. And...... CALL YOUR MOTHER!
  • McDonald’s Reengineered The Straw And Is Selling It Like Apple Product

    02/17/2017 10:24:03 AM PST · by Windcatcher · 45 replies
    vocativ ^ | Feb 16, 2017 at 12:50 PM ET | Alejandro Alba
    McDonald’s is known for its Big Mac, Happy Meals, and creepy clown mascot, but not for trying to be innovative with technology. Yet, the fast food chain restaurant teamed up with aerospace and robotic engineering firms to reinvent the straw and make it easier to drink its Chocolate Shamrock shakes.
  • What You're Fixin To See Is A True Story

    02/17/2017 7:54:53 AM PST · by condi2008 · 14 replies
    Bright Wall/Dark Room ^ | Feb. 1, 2017 | Rosie Jonker
    In 1996, in Carthage, Texas, assistant funeral director Bernie Tiede murdered 81-year-old Marjorie Nugent. Shot her in the back, stuffed her body in the big freezer in her garage, and went on about his life. When the police eventually found her and Bernie confessed to her murder, District Attorney Danny Buck ran into a problem—he couldn’t scare up a single juror in Panola County who was willing to put Bernie behind bars. Bernie was a sweet boy, the people of Carthage said, and that b***h had it coming.

    02/17/2017 5:05:44 AM PST · by Lucky9teen · 47 replies
  • WestJet pilot orders pizza for rerouted Air Canada passengers in Fredericton

    02/17/2017 4:12:44 AM PST · by Don W · 16 replies
    Victoria Times-Colonist ^ | February 15, 2017 | Canadian Press
    Air Canada is apologizing to passengers who found themselves rerouted late at night to Fredericton with nothing to eat - that is, until a WestJet pilot stepped in to buy them pizza, one of which is shown in a handout photo from passenger John Samms.The passengers were on a flight from Toronto to St. John's, N.L. on Feb. 8 when bad weather forced the plane to be rerouted to New Brunswick - See more at:
  • Today's Toons 2/17/17

    02/17/2017 3:34:17 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/17/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • [SATIRE] CNN'S Response to the #VeryFakeNews Label

    02/16/2017 8:30:54 PM PST · by Lazamataz · 45 replies
    2/16/2017 | By Laz A. Mataz
    CNN, today, was called #VeryFakeNews by President Trump for pushing a meritless claim that he worked with Russia to influence the election, and has business ties to the nation. CNN responded with a breaking-news story later in the day. The text of the story follows: CNN: TRUMP’S WIFE FROM FORMER SOVIET BLOC (Washington) — There has been a stunning revelation that Melania Trump, President Trump’s wife, came from the Yugoslavian Province of Slovenia, which was under the influence of the USSR at the time of her birth. Aides to the President were quick to deny that this implies a Russian...
  • 'Medallion' Bubble Burts Around The World (Taxicabs)

    02/16/2017 2:14:42 PM PST · by dynachrome · 35 replies
    Zero Hedge ^ | 2-16-17 | Tyler Durden
    Sandy Spanos is only 58, but now she could lose her house and be unable to pay for treatment for her cancer, which she was diagnosed with two years ago because the reform will leave her and her husband in hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. Mrs. Spanos invested in three taxi licenses so she could enter retirement comfortably with a good superannuation, but she said it has all been ripped from her. “What did I do wrong?” She asked The Victorian government wants to deregulate the taxi industry by abolishing taxi licenses and introducing a single registration...
  • Today's Toons 2/16/17

    02/16/2017 3:35:43 AM PST · by pookie18 · 9 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/16/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Ivanka Trump 'Caught Gazing' at Canadian PM Justin Trudeau: Photo Sparks Social Media Uproar

    02/15/2017 2:20:56 PM PST · by drewh · 68 replies
    UK Telegraph ^ | 1 hour ago | Adam Boult
    A photo of Ivanka Trump casting what appears to be a meaningful gaze at Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has prompted fevered speculation on social media over what might have been going through Ms Trump's mind. The photo was taken on Monday during a roundtable discussion about women in the workforce, for which Ivanka "helped recruit participants and set the agenda", as AP reports. During Mr Trudeau's visit to the White House Canada and the US announced a joint task force to help women in the workplace, looking at issues such as childcare and maternity leave. However, with a level...
  • The Little Libs That Cried Trump (Vanity, Parody)

    02/15/2017 1:42:48 PM PST · by EdnaMode · 2 replies
    2/15/17 | Ednamode
    There once were many liberals in the Democrat Party and mainstream media who couldn't get over the recent Presidential election. To amuse themselves, they took a great breath and sang out, "Trump! Trump! Trump is Literally Hitler! Trump is a Fascist!" Their followers came running to help the Democrats impeach Trump. But when they arrived in Washington, they found no Fascist Hitler. Trump had followed the Constitution. The liberals laughed at the sight of their angry faces. "Don't cry 'Trump', politicians and MSM," said the followers, "when there's no reason to cry Trump!" They went grumbling back to their mother's...
  • Carlos Santana Apologizes For Saying That Beyonce' Knowles Is 'Not a Singer'

    02/15/2017 1:29:14 PM PST · by drewh · 35 replies
    Rollin Stoned ^ | 6 hours ago | By Daniel Kreps
    "[Adele] doesn't bring all the dancers and props ... she just stood there and sang the song and that's it, and this is why she wins," guitarist said Carlos Santana apologized after the guitarist said that Beyoncé is "not a singer" while explaining why Adele won the Album of the Year Grammy. Carlos Santana issued an apology Tuesday after the guitarist said that Beyoncé is "not a singer" while explaining in an interview why Adele won the Album of the Year Grammy. Related Grammys 2017: 5 Reasons Why Adele Won Instead of Beyonce Controversial victory upholds longstanding Grammy traditions "My...
  • Today's Toons 2/15/17

    02/15/2017 3:31:29 AM PST · by pookie18 · 19 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/15/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Friars Club Raided by FBI

    02/14/2017 6:41:41 PM PST · by nickcarraway · 22 replies
    SNIP Multiple sources said the legendary Friars Club was raided by federal agents this week. Sources told Page Six that agents left with “computers and boxes of files.” The club’s finances are being investigated, we hear, by US Attorney Preet Bharara’s Southern District of New York, though a rep for Bharara’s office said he could not comment on whether there is an investigation. An FBI rep and a rep for the Friars Club did not immediately return calls seeking comment.
  • Is Racism Why Adele Beat Beyoncé At The Grammys? (according to CNN of course it is!)

    02/14/2017 11:46:02 AM PST · by drewh · 56 replies
    CNN ^ | feb 14 2017 gmt | By Lisa Respers France, CNN
    Even Adele thinks Beyoncé should have won the album of the year Grammy over her. When the British pop star tearfully accepted the ceremony's top award Sunday night, she shined a spotlight on the woman she said she has loved since she was 11 years old. "The artist of my life is Beyoncé, and this album to me, the 'Lemonade' album, was just so monumental," Adele said. Certainly for her diehard fan base known as the Beyhive -- and for many music critics -- Beyoncé's "Lemonade" was a creative masterpiece. But with its racial themes and imagery, some are questioning...
  • Malia Obama Spotted Out and About In New York City With Really Light Hair (MSM is 'obsessed'!)

    02/14/2017 10:51:31 AM PST · by drewh · 55 replies
    AOL News ^ | 2.10.17 ast | Cristina Corvino,
    Malia Obama is definitely keeping busy during her "gap year" before embarking on her college journey at Harvard. The 18 year old landed an internship with film producer Harvey Weinstein -- and it seems like it's officially in full swing. The Weinstein team won't be disappointed, according to one famous reference. Lena Dunham said Obama was an "angel" intern on the set of "Girls" during the summer of 2015. After her Sundance sighting in Utah in late January, President Obama's eldest daughter made her way to New York City, where she's been spotted out and about when she's not at...
  • White House Reporter: Omarosa Claimed to Have ‘Dossiers’ for Blackmailing Journalists (barf alert!)

    02/14/2017 10:03:26 AM PST · by drewh · 15 replies ^ | | 12:00 pm, February 14th, 2017
    April Ryan, a White House correspondent for American Urban Radio Networks, says that Trump White House Liaison Omarosa Manigault recently threatened her while claiming to possess compromising information about the press pool. In an interview, Ryan said that she was outside press secretary Sean Spicer‘s office last week when she got into a confrontation with the former “Apprentice” star-turned-communications director for the White House’s Office of Public Liaison. WaPo reporter Abby Phillip and other journalists confirmed the meeting took place, and the reported account suggests that Manigault “physically intimidated” Ryan to the point that a Secret Service intervention was nearly...
  • Crazy leftists Now Trying To Make Furries Normal - Even MSNBC Laughed hard

    02/14/2017 7:49:32 AM PST · by tony75034 · 40 replies ^ | 2/14/2017 | Lord of All Editors
    I'm all for you expressing yourself and doing whatever you want in private. Really I am. But keep it private. Furries...well Buzzfeed just came out with an article telling how they are fighting against Trump. Well, even MSNBC had a good laugh at them in the past, and we all know how nuts they are. Take a look... Then see links below for article on Buzzfeed just out. What is a Furry you might this fast clip from MSNBC. I dare you in trying not to laugh. I found it impossible and for a quick laugh I'd watch it...
  • Today's Toons 2/14/17

    02/14/2017 3:25:52 AM PST · by pookie18 · 12 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/14/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Russian hackers play phone prank on fool Democrat Maxine Waters

    02/13/2017 12:33:52 PM PST · by tony75034 · 22 replies ^ | 2/13/2017 | Lord of All Editors
    Is this woman not a moron or what? The Russian hacker recorded the conversation. This is just golden. Listen to how stupid this Democrat is. This is the leadership of the Democratic party along with Nancy Pelosi.
  • Today's Toons 2/13/17

    02/13/2017 3:37:37 AM PST · by pookie18 · 27 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/13/17 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • The Devil Went Down To Georgia ft this guy's washing machine

    02/12/2017 2:01:19 PM PST · by Lorianne · 10 replies
    You Tube ^ | Allen Seelye
    music video
  • Can Kellyanne Conway Be Redeemed? (liberal snowflake barf alert! they are SO concerned...)

    02/12/2017 10:48:08 AM PST · by drewh · 21 replies
    Sean Spicer is the official voice of the the Trump White House, senior adviser Kellyanne Conway is the unofficial face. But as Kellyanne Conway promotes Ivanka Trump merchandise, she’s running the risk of hurting her credibility. The problem isn’t that she can be mocked on “Saturday Night Live. It’s about how she’s viewed by the public. Yes, he said, she’s very good at her job — but she doesn’t care a great deal about the principles of the politicians she assists when performing it. Conway proved herself to be highly competent in most of what she does. The world watched...