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VideoA drunken Santa Claus prompts a mom to call 911 after he stumbles into her yard apparently looking for his reindeer and scaring her kids. Officers ticketed 55-year-old Thomas Arnold of Sparta for having an open beer in a car. The man driving that car, 47-year-old Kevin Arnold, was arrested for OWI. But, the kids say they knew right away this Santa was a hoax. "He smelled like alcohol. So I knew it wasn't the real Santa because Santa doesn't drink alcohol," says 9-year-old Katie Dockerty. Katie says the Santa that ended up in her lawn was loud and had...

MOUNT VERNON, Wash., Dec. 17 (UPI) -- A string of lawn gnome disappearances in Washington state was solved when winds blew down a fence around the yard where they were being kept, authorities said. Lisa Soneda of Mount Vernon said her daughter told her this month that the fence separating her back yard from that of her next-door neighbor had blown down to reveal an unusual sight,

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been...

Strange myths and legends buzz around Christmas like flies around reindeer. Can you separate the legitimate Christmas facts from the bogus ones? Example: 1) The word 'mistletoe' means 'dung on a twig' in Anglo-Saxon TAKE THE TEST

Here’s my new idea for getting rid of hippies. Let’s put out this announcement: Due to increased global warming, polar bears are increasingly scared and sad. The only solution is to give them hugs. Thus, as citizens of the earth, we need to go out and hug polar bears now. So just go up to them and start hugging. They may bear their teeth, swing their paws, and roar, but that’s just polar bear for “I’m scared and need a hug!” If you are too intimidated to hug an adult polar bear, at least hug a baby polar bear then....

An infamous Atlanta hotel known for its campy lounge with baby boomer strip dancers has been shut down. The AJC was the first to report the Clermont Motor Hotel was ordered to close by Dec. 31 after a visit by Fulton County health inspectors uncovered a laundry list of violations, starting with, uh, the laundry. "There are several issues that would have to be addressed," "My friend says it's the only hotel in America that hookers can't get into,"Jeffress said Wednesday night as a group of women watched a lone stripper.

Bob Hope's last Christmas Tour 1972 In 1996, the U.S. Congress honored Bob Hope by declaring him the "first and only honorary veteran of the U.S. armed forces." Bob Hope appeared in or hosted 199 known USO shows.

Nancy's not happy. Caption needed.

No, but for a long time they seemed to. The best kept secret of the past 20 years has been this: When the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA championship, the market would almost always fall that year. When the Lakers lost, the market would usually rise. An investor who put down $1,000 into the Nasdaq at the start of 1987 and stayed fully invested through 2007 would have ended up with $7,604. But an investor who bought the Nasdaq in years the Lakers lost and stayed in cash when the Lakers won would have finished with $21,189.

Here is a FUn contest. Guess the time that the Senate clerk finishes reading Bernie Sanders' entire 767 page single payer amendment to the health care bill. Whoever guesses closest to the actual time of completion wins. My own guess is 2:35 A.M. tomorrow morning. What are your guesses as to the time of completion?

"What are you doing???...You are way to old for our health care system...NEXT"

U.S. first lady Michelle Obama arrives with a sack of toys as she visits the Marine Corps Base Quantico Toys for Tots Campaign warehouse in Stafford, Virginia, December 16, 2009. In support of the program, Mrs. Obama delivered new and unwrapped toys and gifts contributed by the Executive Office staff.

Former U.S. vice president Al Gore addresses the UN Climate Change Conference 2009 in Copenhagen December 15, 2009. Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore, right, follows with Norwegian Foreign Minister Jonas Gahr Store a discussions with ministers from Nordic countries on Greenland's ice sheet at the UN Climate summit in Copenhagen, Denmark, Monday, Dec. 14, 2009. With a week for the climate summit to end, the split between the developing and developed world became sharper as ministers of the world's nations started to arrive for a crucial second week of climate talks.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is applauded by Georgetown President John J. DeGioia, right, and Carol Lencaster, interim dean of Georgetown School of Foreign Service, Monday, Dec. 14, 2009, at the University in Washington where she spoke about human rights.

Has anyone out there bought a bag of Sun Chips lately? The new Frito Lay eco-friendly green bag is really LOOUUUDDDD!!!! I swear it's capable of waking the dead if you so much as breath in its general direction, much less actually touch it or reach inside to get a chip. Anyone who's touched one will know what I'm talking about, since it's very noticeable and unforgettable. I guess the new green strategy is to replace landfill pollution with noise pollution instead?

Here is video of "The Tonight Show's" Conan O'Brien making fun of President Obama's interview this past weekend with CBS News' "60 Minutes." Let's just say they did some creative editing in this video! . . . . (VIDEO)

U.S. President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama (R) sing next to Mary J Blige (2nd L) during the Christmas in Washington Celebration at the National Building Museum in Washington December 13, 2009.

Filmed with students during a video production course at the Orphans of Rwanda school in Kigali, Rwanda.

U.S. President Barack Obama visits a Northern Virginia Home Depot to discuss home improvements and energy savings in Alexandria, Virginia December 15, 2009.

A statue of President Barack Obama as a boy erected in a Jakarta park has been targeted in a Facebook campaign by thousands who say it should be removed.Many Indonesians are proud of the fact that Obama lived in Jakarta from 1967 to 1971 with his American mother, his Indonesian stepfather and his half-sister. He went by the name "Barry," attended the local elementary school near where his statue now stands and owned a pet monkey.

New computer modeling using Windows 95 suggests the Arctic Ocean may be nearly ice-free in the summertime, Al Gore said Monday at the U.N. climate conference. This new projection, following several years of dramatic retreat by ice cubes in your refrigerator, suggests that the ice cubes may nearly vanish in the summer much sooner than the year 2012, as was forecast by a U.S. government agency (Post Office) eight months ago.

Mary Katharine Ham and her favorite songwriter, Jon S. Ham, dream of a world in which a guardian angel Obama tells everyone what to do and what not to. http://www.youtube.com/user/mkhammer#p/u/13/6kJTIbZM9Zo

Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2009 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done...

So, you think you're a pretty good person: you call your mom on Mother's Day, you always try to give your employer two week's notice and you make a conscience effort to control your spending habits before filing bankruptcy. You think of yourself as a person who loves children and who is always kind to the elderly. Think again. Take the Death Row Serial Killer Quiz

" A worker in the building where Sen. Chuck Schumer's office is located steps over a line of protesters blocking the front door"

I have a rare talent. Some might call it a gift. Others, the more incredulous, call it a cheap party trick, but I have yet to meet anyone who can do what I do. I am a Christmas Tree Prognosticator. It’s sort of like reading palms. I can tell a lot about a person’s life and personality by their Christmas tree. Here’s a free sampling: ARTIFICIAL OR REAL There are two types of people: Real Christmas tree people and artificial tree people. One is not better than the other, just different. If you are a person who likes real trees...

Residents of Colorado Springs, Colo., have a mystery on their hands: Who came up with the idea to erect a sign reading "Welcome to Obamaville" on the site of a homeless tent camp in the city? The sign, which was visible from the Cimarron Street ramp to Interstate 25, clearly conveyed a political jab at rising unemployment under President Barack Obama, for it read in full, "Welcome to Obamaville – Colorado's fastest growing community."

The First Lady made her entrance at the Neighborhood Ball on Inauguration night wearing a custom chiffon gown by then 26-year-old Jason Wu.

This is precious! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uny-qSz6Wk

Osama says, "Before I found this site my love was limited to the beasts of the field.

Reporting from Oxon Hill, Md. - Eight miles south of the White House, a crowd gathered under a giant inflatable yellow chick Thursday to welcome the nation's first emporium devoted to Peeps, a fluffy marshmallow candy that has attained cult-like status. Most of the store's Peeps-branded products were inedible. So is the candy, critics would say. "There's something mystical about Peeps," said Matthew Beals, a New York filmmaker who has shot a 45-minute documentary about people obsessed with the spongy bunnies and chicks. "They really inspire a passion. People either love them or hate them." The first Peeps & Co....

You can't kill the freedom The freedom will live on The British tried to kill the freedom But they failed, as they were smite to the ground Nazis tried to kill the freedom But they failed, as they were stricken down to the ground Commies tried to kill the freedom Ha,hahahahaha They failed, as they were thrown to the ground Aargh! yaow! [x2] [Singing] No-one can destroy the freedom The freedom will strike you down with a vicious blow We are the vanquished foes of the freedom We tried to win for why we do not know Leftists tried to...

From left, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of Calif., Rep. Melvin Watt, D-N.C., and Rep. Maxine Waters, D-Calif., share in a laugh on Capitol Hill in Washington, Friday, Dec. 11,2009, during a news conference following the House Passage for Wall Street Financial Reform and Consumer Protection Act.

Now let me get this straight. The United States Supreme Court rules that the Environmental Protection Agency can regulate carbon dioxide under the Clean Air Act as a pollutant. The EPA then threatens to command and control regulation over carbon dioxide as a pollutant if agreement can't be reached on the Copenhagen Climate Treaty. What many have not yet realized is the process that takes place after filtration and prior to packaging is carbonation. Carbon dioxide not only contributes to perceived "fullness" or "body" and enhances foaming potential it also acts as a flavor enhancer and plays an important role...

Vice President Joe Biden gestures to firefighters at East Hartford fire headquarters after announcing a stimulus money grant of nearly $4 million to replace an aging fire station in East Hartford, Conn., Friday, Dec. 11, 2009. Biden visited Connecticut to bolster Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd's re-election campaign at a private $500-per-person fundraising lunch earlier in the day.

Nixon's own composition, set to concerto form with "15 Democratic violinists." Nixon takes a dig at Harry Truman just before playing.

Liberal vs. Conservative vs. Southerner Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 45 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to...

Protesters are arrested outside US Senator Chuck Schumer's office in New York. Angry constituents of Schumer staged the sit-in at his Manhattan office, dissatisfied that the influential senator hasn’t done enough to push for universal, national health care.

I'm pretty sure that President Obama isn't smart enough to be the antichrist. I can't imagine that even satan would be so stupid as to choose a guy who had become a Senator but still didn't know how many U.S. states there are but then again you just never know. English gematria tells the us real story and makes it all crystal clear. Using the simple code of A=1 and B=2 on up to Z=26 I found these prophetic sentences that all mysteriously add up to 666. (The first sentence is just there for verification purposes.) 1) One calling himself...

No multi-million-dollar contracts. No lucrative endorsement deals. No international fame. For a dozen rats in Alliston Reid's behavior analysis psychology class at Wofford College, it was all about the love of the game. And treats, of course. While Benjamin Johnson Arena may have been rockin' Monday night for the men's basketball conference home opener against Appalachian State, a packed McMillan Theater next door had its own electricity earlier in the day with the thoroughly unique "Hoop-Rat Classic." Throughout this semester, Reid's students in the freshman introductory course have been working in teams of two to individually train each of the...

<p>WASHINGTON — Michelle Obama says curling up with the first family's dog and clicking through food and design shows on television provide moments of peace amid a busy schedule.</p> <p>"My really lazy days are I sit with Bo, who usually climbs up on my lap. He thinks he's a lap dog," she said of the Obamas' large Portuguese water dog. "He'll cozy up with me, and I'm just clicking through mindless shows. A lot of, you know, shows about food and design, and all that good stuff. And it's just quiet, and I'm not thinking about anything for that second — not about the kids, not about my husband, not about my schedule. If I get an hour of that during the course of a week, it feels like heaven."</p>

Getting ready for Christmas? "In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" ~ Dave Barry "Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing...

The Apple iPhone doesn't make coffee. It can't print photos. It doesn't read VHS tapes. And it doesn't come in "every color that exists." But the xPhone, currently all the rage on YouTube, is all of those things. Could this new product from Germany literally nuke the iPhone into nonexistence? Watch the official video on the revolutionary iPhone killer, the new phenomenal xPhone. Yes, that's actual German, mostly just narrating what you're seeing on the screen - except for the bit about the colors. The entirely imaginary xPhone was a graduation project for Martin Fischer, a 25-year-old computer graphics designer...

A NYC man sets up a hidden camera to see where his missing food was going. He thinks his g/f is lying about midnight snacks. The terrifying conclusion: a homeless woman has been living above his kitchen.

Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama skipped a "Save the Children" benefit concert in Oslo, Norway, Thursday, and a cardboard cutout of the American president was placed on stage in his absence.