Keyword: jokes

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  • Twitter Reveals Some Funny Charlie Rose Jokes

    11/24/2017 5:08:43 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 8 replies
    Newsbusters ^ | November 24, 2017 | P.J. Gladnick
    On Tuesday night, CBS late-night host Stephen Colbert addressed the serious accusations of sexual harassment against morning news host Charlie Rose. Mediaite reported he called it an "abuse of power, and noted Rose gave unwanted shoulder rubs, something his employees referred to as “the crusty paw.” He quipped “And you may make three wishes upon the accursed paw, all of which are… to not get a back rub from Charlie Rose.”  While the networks will quickly move on, people can still get their Charlie Rose humor fix simply by checking out Twitter, where the jokes abound. 
  • Smiles for Sanity

    07/26/2017 3:38:35 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 11 replies
    various | 7/26/2017 | various
    Two Alberta Farmers were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, ‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’ The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!’ The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.’ The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’ Three weeks later, the younger farmer asks his friend, ‘Did you...
  • Laugh it Off

    05/25/2017 2:39:24 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 44 replies
    email | 5/25/2017 | self
    Nineteen Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Buddy replies, "The film said 18 or over." My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy. My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 a m. Can...
  • Monday Memos

    02/27/2017 6:09:39 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    unknown | 2/27/2017 | self
    Older than dirt? Then you just have to appreciate this one. Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired... Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up...
  • How come we can poke a Pole, Bash a Brit, Irk the Irish?

    01/29/2017 4:31:03 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 31 replies
    unknowb | 1/29/ | unknown
    SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE OR LAUGH...IF YOU DON'T GET OFFENDED EASILY WHAT AISLE IS THE POLISH SAUSAGE IN? Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................ A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you omething. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for...
  • A Post Office Christmas Story !!

    12/11/2016 9:17:57 AM PST · by CGASMIA68 · 3 replies
    an Email
    A Post Office Christmas Story There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and...
  • 15 Hilarious Tweets About Married Life That Really Hit Home

    11/27/2016 1:22:24 AM PST · by UMCRevMom@aol.com · 72 replies
    WIMP.com ^ | 11-26-2016 | Archit Tripathi
    When the honeymoon is over, couples start getting real with each other. The key to a good marriage is compromise. Whether it’s about who does what chores around the house or who’s picking dinner, a healthy give-and-take ratio is what makes a long-lasting marriage possible. Of course, venting on Twitter from time to time doesn't hurt either. Whether you’ve been married for ten years or ten days, every couple can relate to these 15 tweets. Check out our list of some of the funniest jokes about marriage as told by the Internet - then clean out the dishwasher. Seriously, there’s...
  • Parrot ‘Traps’ Flirtatious Husband

    10/25/2016 4:06:19 PM PDT · by nickcarraway · 5 replies
    Arab Times ^ | 10/25
    In a new method devised to detect matrimonial infidelity, a Kuwaiti woman actually used a parrot to expose her husband suspected of having intimate affair with a housemaid, as the parrot mimicked flirtatious exchange of words between the man and the housemaid, reports Al-Shahed daily. The woman lodged a complaint with officers at Hawalli Police Station and accused the husband of cheating, noting she had been suspecting the man for a while before the parrot started mimicking flirtatious words in the apartment. She added the husband was surprised when he saw her returning from the office before time and became...
  • Vanity: Bill, Hillary, and the box under the bed

    08/22/2016 5:19:15 PM PDT · by rickmichaels · 16 replies
    When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with...
  • Hillary Meme(Vanity for no reason)

    08/21/2016 5:54:18 PM PDT · by Vendome · 53 replies
    Vanity | 8/22/2016 | Vendome
    Just a silly thread with some "Meme's" I ran across about Hillary.
  • Every Joke from ‘Airplane!’ Ranked

    08/17/2016 9:06:23 PM PDT · by sparklite2 · 83 replies
    bs ^ | Aug 12, 2016 | Alex Kavutskiy
    Set aside some time for this. There were a LOT of jokes.
  • Phone Company spying for the NSa

    08/11/2016 11:18:37 AM PDT · by wny · 51 replies
    I had my internet service upgraded today. The Frontier Communications tech was here to make some changes. After he was all set, while he was still here and his company truck still in my driveway, he asked my to connect to my network to see if all was well. I opened my iPad and as usual it listed a few local networks whose signal it was reading. It listed the usual few neighbors' networks that come up every time. It also listed: "NSA mobile surveillance unit 981" I've never seen this before, and since his truck left an hour ago,...
  • A little levity.

    06/24/2016 6:14:49 AM PDT · by Phlap · 22 replies
    Rod ^ | 06/24/2016 | Unknown
    A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italytomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That...
  • Post your own Soviet Humor (Vanity)

    04/26/2016 8:29:11 AM PDT · by Uncle Miltie · 66 replies
    One Hundred Russian Jokes ^ | 4/26/2016 | Various
    How about something a little lighter!? Soviet humor, where we can all certainly use a laugh at the inhuman system of enslavement we helped defeat. Find and post your own! Happy Tuesday .... ------------------------------- This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the next elections?” We’re answering: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results of the next elections from the office of the Central Committee of the USSR.” ------------------------------- This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will the police still exist when communism is built?” We’re answering: “Of course, not....
  • JIm It's Time You Demand A Truce In Cruz/Trump War!

    03/30/2016 3:09:28 PM PDT · by OneVike · 698 replies
    Me
    Jim; Things have gotten way out of control here as of late. You know as well as most of us, that this war must end and end now, or your forum will end up being nothing more than a joke. I humbly suggest that you not just request, but demand, that everyone step back and take a serious look at the slanderous comments being made by both camps. Debate is one thing, but what is happening is no longer a debate. This forum is on the verge of a civil war. A war that need not happen. For the good...
  • (Vanity Joke)MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

    03/30/2016 4:48:10 AM PDT · by V K Lee · 89 replies
    n/a ^ | n/a | n/a
    Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a...
  • Laugh Factory Joke of the Day SUCKS!!!

    11/20/2015 9:50:27 AM PST · by amorphous · 30 replies
    Laugh Factory ^ | 20 Nov 2015 | Submitted By: mikayla davis
    Yo' Mama is so ugly, yo' daddy takes her to work with him so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
  • Ted Cruz’s Favorite Stump Speech Tool: Jokes

    10/15/2015 11:51:08 AM PDT · by Isara · 18 replies
    Time ^ | October 15, 2015 | Philip Elliott
    'The press conference at the White House was a little bit awkward. Every time a reporter addressed a question to Your Holiness, Obama answered.' Ted Cruz sometimes campaigns as though he were doing a set at The Improv. The junior Senator from Texas’ comedic timing is one of his sharper skills. So, too, are his impressions of figures as varied as the late President Reagan, radio host Mark Levin and journalist Sam Donaldson, not to mention The Simpsons characters, Darth Vader and JFK. His humor might also be his riskiest trait. Like former Republican presidential nominee Bob Dole, Cruz’s jokes...
  • And your best pirate joke is ???

    09/19/2015 7:43:04 AM PDT · by llevrok · 50 replies
    9/19/2015 | Me
    In "honor" of Talk Like A Pirate Day, What's your best or favorite pirate joke? Mine? A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to his belt buckle. The bartender asks him what that's all about. "I don't know", says himself. "But's it's driving me nuts!"
  • Jerry Seinfeld: Politically correct college students 'don't know what the **** they're talking about

    06/10/2015 4:50:14 AM PDT · by SoFloFreeper · 15 replies
    Entertainment Weekly ^ | 6/8/15 | D. Falcone
    .....Jerry Seinfeld avoids doing shows on college campuses. And while talking with ESPN’s Colin Cowherd on Thursday, the comedian revealed why: College kids today are too politically correct. “I hear that all the time,” Seinfeld said on The Herd with Colin Cowherd. “I don’t play colleges, but I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘Don’t go near colleges. They’re so PC.’”