President Donald Trump met with Pope Francis on Wednesday, and here’s a summary of the things they said and did during the visit. Probably. We think. Ninety percent sure. The pope splashed Trump with holy water, which sizzled on his skin like acid. The president hissed and retreated to a visibly embarrassed Melania, who instinctively swatted him away. Another awkward moment arose when Donald saw Melania and Pope Francis holding hands. President Trump went to confession but demanded Pope Francis sign a non-disclosure agreement.