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Washington, DC - Congressional Democrats today denounced the Bush Administration for having done nothing to avert the extinction of the dinosaurs. Senator Barbara Boxer of California, ranking member on the Senate Dinosaur Extinction Oversight Panel, says that the Bush Administration came into office with no clear plan for dealing with nuclear-winter-causing giant meteors. “The lack of a clearly defined giant reptilian extinction policy is just scandalous,” said Senator Boxer at a press conference this morning. “Even at this late date, there is still no unified and well thought out policy concerning dinosaur extinction emanating from the White House.” Sandy Berger,...

In a controversial report aired on last week's CNN World News Tonight, former BBC reporter Andrew Gilligan -- now working as a freelance journalist -- placed the blame for the death of Jesus Christ squarely on the shoulders of Tony Blair. "It is clear," said Gilligan, standing outside the walls of Old Jerusalem, "that Prime Minister Blair 'sexed up' the reports of the Galilee-an's power over the masses, causing the Roman rulers of Judea to overreact, arrest and then torture the carpenter's son, before leaving him to die on a cross." The report came on the heels of the opening...

Jimmy Carter wins Nobel Appeasement Prize 2/16/2004 - Tad Hayworth -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jimmy Carter became the first person to win the Nobel Prize for Appeasement, a new category of Nobel Prize awarded for extraordinary achievements in the field of giving in to dictators. "For his works in Cuba, North Korea, The Peoples Republic of China, and Iraq, Jimmy Carter has earned the accolades of those who understand that there is nothing at all worth fighting for, and that fighting against evil dictators makes you just as bad as them." said committe chair Helen Thomas. "President Carter simply swept the category when...

TEHRAN, March 6, 2003. /from RIA Novosti correspondent Nikolai Terekhov/. - Iraq has dropped bombs hitting 2,500 oil fields that cover a vast area. According to the IRNA agency, the bombing near Sharjeh resulted in the explosion of an oil refinery near Kirkuk. Some oil-bearing wells were mined with antitank mines. The Iraqi Army units are ditching around near Baghdad and Kirkuk round the clock to resist the US Army.