“Staying alive” is probably my favorite hobby. It’s fun and exciting and exhilarating, and it literally keeps my heart rate up. And as a black man in America, a great and efficient way of finding time and space to partake in my favorite pastime is by avoiding unnecessary interactions with raccoons, undercooked chickens, sh**** barbers, Ray Lewis and racist white people. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be hard to distinguish regular ol’ white people from racists—especially when the racists leave their “MAGA” hats at home—so I have to take the information I’ve learned over three decades of interactions with them and...