How Many Light Bulbs? (Work with me here.)

unknown, put probably a fundy

[Jael]

Go to the body of the comment. I don't have time to code this. :-)

[cebadams]

How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

The way that really goes is like this:

How many Orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?

[this answer works best when gasped in a heavy and horrified Slavic, Greek or Russian accent] Change?

[Chancellor Palpatine]

I meant Slavic, Greek or Arabic accent.....

[cebadams]

How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you want it changed into?

[cebadams]

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

[sola gracia]

Not an issue as we are predestined to walk in the light :>)

Amen! sister Amen! Preach it!!

[cebadams]

How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb has died, it is the will of Allah, and it would be blasphemy to attempt to change it.



How many Islamic fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
300 million --- one to take out the old one, the rest to look for Salman Rushdie in the dark.


How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to call the cleaning lady and the other two to feel guilty about having to call the cleaning lady.



How many zionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four - one to stay home and try to convinve someone else to do it, a second to donate the bulb, a third to screw it in and another to proclaim that the whole Jewish nation stands behind their actions.




How many scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but if you want a cleared bulb it'll take years and years and set you back a quarter million bucks.




How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

[RnMomof7]

LOL I get it

[Wrigley]

LOL. Very nice.

[cebadams]

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah's Witness?

The answer: someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

[cebadams]

Top 10 Ways to Irritate a Calvinist

---

10. Say to him that God doesn't have a sense of humor because He already knows all the punchlines.

9. Ask him how God can delight in anything, seeing that He's already been there and done that.

8. Tell him that God is limited because only man can know the experience of surprise.

7. Suggest that there is no Trinity because The Holy Spirit can be resisted while the Father is sovereign.

6. Argue that missionaries are, by their definition, unbelievers.

5. Agree with them that it IS the will of God that any should be lost.

4. Depict God as bored, because he not only has already read the book, he probably wrote it Himself.

3. Affirm that there is no dualism in man - that he is the same in flesh, soul, and spirit.

2. Argue that God is bound by time since He started His creation "in the beginning."

1. Suggest that Jesus probably put his pants on one leg at a time.

[Loyalist]

How many Lefebvrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. Because if the Pope doesn't let them change the light bulb, all light itself will die.

How many Feeneyites does it take to change a light bulb?

None; all you need is a light bulb change of desire.

How many sedevacantists does it take to change a light bulb?

What bulb? There hasn't been one since 1958.

[the808bass]

How many Preterist does it take to change a light bulb? None, they changed it back in A D 70. :)

I liked this one, Mack.

[the808bass]

This is dedicated to you all you bumper-sticker Christians.

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there were seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

~Author Unknown~

[Jael]

What about one to wash the temple underwear garments?

[Jael]

Number 11, VERY good!!!

[Jael]

That was funny!

[Jael]

You are pretty good at this!!

[Frumanchu]

There was a similar thread last year sometime with many of these jokes. I wish I could find that thread...there were some good ones. My contribution:

How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He holds the lightbulb up and the lightbulb actually physically becomes light itself. This is called transillumination and it's completely Biblical!

[Frumanchu]

How many pre-tribbers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who cares? We'll be gone before the light goes out anyway (which by the way could happen at any moment)!

How many evangelicals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to change, two to hold the ladder, and one to bring the green bean casserole.

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sixteen. One to change and his fifteen wives to be by his side, all of course members of the Church of Thomas Edison of Latter-Day Electricians.

working on more...