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Men Are More Disinclined to Marry Than Ever – A Reflection on a Serious Problem
Archdiocese of Washington ^ | 10-11-15 | Msgr. Charles Pope

Posted on 10/12/2015 8:32:47 AM PDT by Salvation

Men Are More Disinclined to Marry Than Ever – A Reflection on a Serious Problem

October 11, 2015

A 2012 report on men and marriage by the Pew Research Center shows statistically what many of us have noticed anecdotally: men are finding marriage less desirable than in the past and are now marrying later, if at all.

In today’s post I want to present some excerpts from a hard-hitting article that appeared at Lifesite News in 2013, commenting on the Pew study. The full article can be read here: Men Giving Up on Marriage.

As usual, I present the text from the original article in bold, black italics, while my own poor commentary is in plain red text.

Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever. … The number of young adult men saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent [since 1997].

The latest census data showed “barely half” of all adults in the United States are currently married, a “record low.” Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 [percent] today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.

Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise, with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7 [years]. The declines in marriage are “most dramatic” among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.

In my mere 26 years of priesthood, I have seen the number of weddings I perform each year decrease from 35 to 5, and the average age of engaged couples increase from 24 to 31. These are startling changes, and they largely match those experienced by other priests with whom I have discussed the matter.

29 percent of young adult men desiring marriage is an amazingly low figure. The article notes that the things that once motivated men to marry in the past are largely in eclipse now. Men once enjoyed the esteem they garnered by marrying, and were motivated by the challenge of being breadwinners. Getting married was once a proper and approved way of attaining status, and legitimately enjoying sexual intimacy. It was part of the passage to manhood.

But today, many (if not most) women don’t need (or don’t think they need) men to provide for them economically. It’s goodbye to any notion of the esteem of being a provider.

Further, in an age of promiscuity, most men don’t need marriage to open the door to sexual encounters. Only a few “old-fashioned” Catholic priests and traditionalist Catholics raise any eyebrows at men’s “playing the field.” And women as a group (with certain notable exceptions) seem less insistent on expecting men to connect sexual intimacy and marriage.

Add to this the financial bondage introduced by the racket that college education has become. Many young people graduate from college with six-figure debt. And when undergraduate degrees no longer open doors, advanced degrees became necessary, bringing on even more debt.

And finally, add one more thing: pornography. It is more available than ever before. And though it is theoretically more privately accessible than previously, I would point out that there is nothing private about the Internet; Internet service providers know every site you have ever visited.

Sadly, many young men honestly admit that they prefer pornography to real women. Pornography doesn’t talk back or have preferences or moods. Real relationships are complex and require navigation and negotiation. Pornography, it would seem, is a narcissistic paradise. Click through to your current preference; it’s all about you and what you want. And at the end, the object of your fantasy disappears and does not have issues or attitudes with which you must deal.

The overall image is of a cauldron, filled with a witch’s brew or a satanic stew. That men and women marry at all today is increasingly miraculous. I always make a point of congratulating and thanking engaged couples that get to my rectory door for beating the odds and having the gumption to swim upstream.

Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of [marriage] entirely

Suzanne Venker [in her] article, “The War on Men,” … points out that for the first time in U.S. history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees. …

With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector, and provider—and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage—men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it. …

“When I ask [men] why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”

“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”

Most men I know perceive that they are often considered by the wider culture as deficient, even depraved. The “men are stupid” commercials and sitcoms abound. Men are often presented as buffoons, who need women and children to “set them straight” on the simplest of things.

Schools, dominated by feminist ideology, have made a pathology of the normal behavior of boys, which includes competition and roughhousing. They seek to feminize boys, going even so far as to encourage medication for them. Most of these boys merely have the spit and vinegar that was once considered normal, needing to be curbed somewhat rather than suppressed with drugs.

It is little wonder that fewer young men make it to college and are falling behind young women in almost every category. Being told (even indirectly) on a regular basis that you are fundamentally flawed has a significant effect over time.

The article says that feminism has emboldened many women to direct suspicious anger toward men and generally presume that they have bad or evil motives. But it has also caused a lot of men to draw back from the healthy confidence that once bolstered them to go out and seek a wife and to take a leadership role in the community, the Church, and the family.

A feminist culture in effect shames these desires as being “patriarchal.”

This is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says. “It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex … The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals … in order to live the balanced life they seek.”

Yes, in the end it’s usually the biology that kicks in. Truth be told, men and women are meant to be complementary not competitive. Our very body bespeaks a difference that requires the opposite sex to complement it. The design of women’s bodies speaks to bearing children and nurturing them.

A woman who wants to have and raise children well needs time and flexibility. The 9-to-5 career world does not facilitate that. Thus her husband complements her need by taking up the linear and less-flexible career world, leaving her freer to nurture the children.

This used to be obvious to us. But ideology is often disinterested in the obvious. It may be true that we were once too restrictive, limiting certain jobs and careers to men. But for most women, the freedom to work has become the duty to work, even in the childbearing years. It’s a raw deal for everyone: women, men, and especially children.

The bottom line is, it’s never good for anyone, or for civilization as a whole, when huge numbers opt out of or find no access to our most fundamental building block: the traditional family. We must save traditional marriage if we stand any chance of saving our dying civilization.

For further reading, consider Men and Marriage by George Guilder and Eggs are Expensive, Sperm is Cheap by Greg Krehbiel.


TOPICS: Apologetics; Catholic; History; Theology
KEYWORDS: catholic; marriage; morals
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Video
1 posted on 10/12/2015 8:32:47 AM PDT by Salvation
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To: nickcarraway; NYer; ELS; Pyro7480; livius; ArrogantBustard; Catholicguy; RobbyS; marshmallow; ...
The bottom line is, it’s never good for anyone, or for civilization as a whole, when huge numbers opt out of or find no access to our most fundamental building block: the traditional family. We must save traditional marriage if we stand any chance of saving our dying civilization.

Monsignor Pope Ping!

2 posted on 10/12/2015 8:37:20 AM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Salvation

My son was dear johned during his second Afghan deployment. Needless to say he is done looking. He said if it happens it will, but he has stopped looking and is actually living the dream. Piece of land, a dog, some horses and cattle, good job and do whatever/go wherever he wants. I know he wants a family but the cheating beyotch he was married to burned him.


3 posted on 10/12/2015 8:39:06 AM PDT by Resolute Conservative
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To: Salvation

Netflix has a documentary called DIVORCE CORP. Good summary of the anti-male divorce laws in this country and the fallout.

Sex is easy to get these days. Women will sleep with men as readily as men. Kids are costly. Marriage is a terrible bet. The media glorifies single moms and bastard kids.

So the wonderful solution of the secular west is to bring in... immigrants to prevent population implosion.

Also, watch the first five or ten minutes of IDIOCRACY. Good summary of what’s going on!


4 posted on 10/12/2015 8:39:07 AM PDT by TigerClaws
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To: All

Great video BTW — your laugh for the day.


5 posted on 10/12/2015 8:39:41 AM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Salvation

For the first time in history, the number of women in the workplace has exceeded the number of men?

Gents, what’s the excuse? Explanation?


6 posted on 10/12/2015 8:40:16 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: Salvation

I’ll read it, but just from the headline, c pope or not, why would a man want to get married when a girl will act married without the commitment? Why wouldn’t a normal guy in high school go out with the girl who practices birth control and dump the nice girl?

After marriage, what is marriage when the woman is practicing birth control? It’s friends with benefits to the guy

Anywhere I look women are raising kids alone.

Tgis started in 1973 and it will continue to get worse until and only until women and high school girls wise up and stop putting out

Ps men are no better off in this confused state, but they are programmed to say yes every time


7 posted on 10/12/2015 8:41:32 AM PDT by stanne
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To: Salvation
I'm responding only to the headline

I haven't read a thing ....

Younger people don't go to church
(anyone's guess and a million reasons why not ... it doesn't matter)

Church is where proper and spiritual moral values are (supposed) to taught and WITNESSED (because of adult example)

The adults that ARE in church too often look no different than going shopping ... except maybe pressed and a little cleaner


Bottom line;

No one's teaching, No one learns.


The female has ALWAYS been the mysterious one, but not anymore, so there's no intrigue to chase and hunt (sorry for the metaphore)

It's a viscious spiral down ... women don't morally entice, men aren't that interested, women are taught to confuse sex with allurement, men lust, people hook up, but so do dogs


My two cent's worth (Isaiah ch 3 and others)

8 posted on 10/12/2015 8:43:14 AM PDT by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true.)
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To: 9YearLurker

Does that number include people who are self-employed?


9 posted on 10/12/2015 8:44:01 AM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: huldah1776

bmp4L8R


10 posted on 10/12/2015 8:45:08 AM PDT by huldah1776
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To: stanne

From Bierce’s “Devil’s Dictionary” of more than a century ago:

Bridegroom, n: One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.


11 posted on 10/12/2015 8:48:16 AM PDT by elcid1970 ("The Second Amendment is more important than Islam.")
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To: Salvation

Msgr. Pope always reliably speaks truth. I’m surprised +Wuerl hasn’t shut him down.


12 posted on 10/12/2015 8:51:12 AM PDT by jtal (St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle ....)
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To: Salvation
Perhaps I'm out in left field here but perhaps this is a reason we suddenly see so many men wanting to become women. Men are essentially becoming emasculated and traditional "male" behavior is being discouraged in our schools. More and more, boys in school are expected to behave in a similar way to the girls. Even playful tussling in the schoolyard is now seen as "violent activity" that must not be tolerated.

Then many men who do attempt to marry and carry on a traditional family lifestyle is often cast as a patriarchal oppressor unless he is willing to do his share of the housework, baby raising, etc., all while encouraging his wife to find herself, whether it be in a career or just in the house. In other words, women have all the choices, the man must acquiesce to them, while still having the burden of bringing home the bacon.

Maybe that's why so many men just want to put on a dress and make their emasculation official.

13 posted on 10/12/2015 8:53:00 AM PDT by SamAdams76 (A businessman gets things done with own money. A politician takes money and gets nothing done.)
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To: Salvation

Risk losing everything you’ve worked for plus being order to paying child support for all most ever? No thanks.


14 posted on 10/12/2015 8:53:23 AM PDT by jpsb (Believe nothing until it has been officially denied)
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To: TigerClaws

I agree that the immigrants are being trafficked here to replace the missing generations of Americans, but I don’t think it is an unintended consequence. Our overlords want 0 population growth, and they are going to get it. Laws and policies can be changed to reverse this slide in marriages and birthrate in Americans; look at the immediate impact of the 1996 welfare reform among urban blacks - their birthrate fell quickly to one similar to whites. For all the ranting from Al Sharpton at the time (criticizing the view that blacks were dropping babies for freebies), the policy was vindicated by the immediate results. Today many formerly black areas in cities are teeming with Third Worlders imported to replace them.


15 posted on 10/12/2015 8:56:18 AM PDT by kearnyirish2 (Affirmative action is economic warfare against white males (and therefore white families).)
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To: Me

16 bit nintendo version of why getting married nowadays is a stupid idea for a man.

BTW, I’m happily married and have been for 17 years, together for over 20.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEVU-YLpM8A&feature=youtu.be&a


16 posted on 10/12/2015 8:56:31 AM PDT by Tailback
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To: 9YearLurker

It’s very simple - women and minorities have been getting preferential treatment for hiring and promotion over equally or more qualified men for many years in business and especially govt. jobs. I believe that a lot of men are working for themselves or are just off the radar all together. I don’t blame them at all. It’s another Leftie victory, IMHO. Just go to Lowe’s or Menards to see all the women working there, but when they need heavy lifting done, or answer a technical question, they are on their walkie talkies calling for a guy. Wrong, just wrong.


17 posted on 10/12/2015 8:56:56 AM PDT by Sioux-san
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To: Salvation

So young men prefer pornography to a REAL relationship with a women. Seems folks all want FaceBook friends and not real ones, text rather than talk to others....this is the age of “virtual” lives....sad, but true...to a point. When will they see how empty that life really is?


18 posted on 10/12/2015 8:57:26 AM PDT by tioga
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To: Salvation

I think economic factors are the primary cause.

Lack of good paying jobs with decent health benefits.

Many young people simply cannot afford homes or families these days.


19 posted on 10/12/2015 8:57:45 AM PDT by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Salvation

quote “In my mere 26 years of priesthood, I have seen the number of weddings I perform each year decrease from 35 to 5”

that’s more a reflection on the church than marriage.

I am in a business that deals with weddings almost exclusively, and the only difference I see is that most people are skipping having their ceremony at a church. This mainly a budget issue. Churches these days in our area charge $1,200-$1,500 for just a few hours for the ceremony.

Traditionally, if you were a member .. that was FREE.

When a young couple is looking for things to cut to save money, this is where they will cut.


20 posted on 10/12/2015 8:58:24 AM PDT by TexasFreeper2009 (You can't spell Hillary without using the letters L, I, A, & R)
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