Gay, Catholic and parents of three

NCR Cafe ^ | March 18, 2007 | CHUCK COLBERT

[NYer]

The challenges of raising three children in the Maguire-Newman home are much the same as those faced in suburban America across the country. The Catholic household, two parents with three school-age children, springs to life at 7 a.m. on most days. While one parent makes breakfast and packs lunches, the other makes beds and monitors homework assignments.

"My observation is that children are a lot more receptive to work and instruction in the first 90 minutes before they have enough energy to be resistant," says Gregory Maguire, a celebrated author of children's literature. He is best known for the widely popular novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, a bestseller written for adults that has been adapted into a Tony Award-winning hit musical.

Maguire is quick to explain, "It's not because we want them to be superstars" nor do they have "serious learning problems." Rather, he said, it's a matter of "keeping up in a highly functioning school system in which we find ourselves."

All three children -- two boys and a girl, ages 5, 6 and 9 -- were adopted from countries in Latin America and Southeast Asia. They are by Maguire's account "noisy, smart and obedient within a range," having settled comfortably into an all-American way of life, with interests varying from ballet and piano to soccer and computer games. They are well-liked by their friends, Maguire said, adding, "We have yet to hear or face in nine years living in Concord any resistance to us as a gay couple with a family."

Maguire and his partner, artist Andy Newman, are not only a gay couple raising children, but they are legally married under a new law in Massachusetts, the only state with equal marriage rights for lesbians and gay men.

Maguire was scheduled to give a talk on "Conscience and Same-Sex Marriage" at New Ways Ministry's Sixth National Symposium on Catholicism and Homosexuality March 16-18 in Minneapolis. New Ways Ministry describes itself as "a gay-positive ministry of advocacy and justice for lesbian and gay Catholics."

The Maguire and Newman clan is part of a changing landscape of contemporary American family life. More than 8,500 same-sex couples have married in Massachusetts since May 2004, including many with children. Nationwide, estimates of lesbian and gay parents range from 2 million to 8 million.

But a political battle to roll back civil-marriage rights for gays looms. Massachusetts state lawmakers have voted to send a proposed constitutional same-sex marriage ban to voters. If the legislature approves the measure again, this year or next, voters would have the final say in November 2008.

The local church has been an active player, with the Boston Cardinal Sean O'Malley and other local bishops lobbying lawmakers to restore a traditional definition of marriage.

Maguire and Newman are doing their part to prevent that from happening. Last year they testified at legislative hearings against the ban. This year they will host a fundraiser for MassE quality.org, a statewide organization dedicated to protecting same-sex marriage. The couple has joined thousands of others across the state who have signed an online statement for Roman Catholics supporting the civil marriage rights of same-sex couples.

Despite pronouncements from Rome and Boston, Maguire, a cradle Catholic, remains devout. Newman is a convert. Together, they are instilling in their children the basics of Catholicism. All three have been christened. The oldest has received first Communion. The family begins every meal by saying grace. The children know the Our Father, Hail Mary and the rosary. A cross hangs by the front door. "We are a Catholic family," Maguire said. "We go to church on a regular basis, are respected in our parish, and are healthy contributors financially and morally."

In an interview with NCR, Maguire extended an invitation for Pope Benedict XVI to share a meal and meet the family. He would like the pope to see "we're teaching by example how we must take care of each other, love each other," he said. "That is the heart of the Christian message."

Locally, many gay Catholics, as well as supportive clergy, hope for dialogue. A group of more than 700 interfaith clergy, the Religious Coalition for the Freedom to Marry, has asked for a meeting to discuss a civil marriage with O'Malley. The clergy wish to explain more fully a key distinction between civil and religious marriage and how a gay-marriage ban will discriminate against the religious liberties of gay people. But so far the chancery has not responded to the request.

"The hope is that the conversation occurs among the people in the pews," Maguire said. "If we can't get the message to the clergy that discrimination will not be tolerated, the people will go around" the leadership, and the "clergy will play catch-up."

A recent poll from Decision Research shows that a majority of Catholics in Massachusetts -- 53 percent -- favor same-sex civil marriage.

Raised in an orphanage by priests and nuns, as well as by a Catholic family, Maguire attended parochial schools in upstate New York. "The fact that I grew up as a Catholic, part of my system of thinking -- the grammar of how I frame the moral questions is Catholic grammar," Maguire said. "I have the great blessing and good fortune of finding myself during formative years in a very progressive church that was always eager to ask the next question rather than provide the next answer." And Maguire explained, "A parent's first obligation is to speak to his children with the most authentic language he has. For me, that is Catholicism."

His "intellectual and spiritual training" to "question, but not necessarily conclude," he considers a "birthright" and "inheritance."

"So I don't feel as much of a disjuncture as many people do," he said, "because when I sit in the pew and hear a letter from a bishop, or an injunction even from the pope about gay parents doing damage to children, I just say: Well, he has not asked the right question -- hasn't asked Andy and me, 'Why are you making so many sacrifices to take care of these orphans?' "

At New Ways Ministry's national symposium, Maguire plans to tell his story, leading a focused discussion on gay parenting in a sacramental church. "It means far less to them [his children] that they have two dads than two parents who are there when they go off to school and when they return," he said.

The tangible benefits and social status of marriage -- its legal, public and moral commitments -- also helps, Maguire explained. "We are able to say to our children honorably that we are married." Among all the differences they embody, "being brown-skinned, adopted and from foreign countries, at least they don't have to deal with that difference. Their parents are as married as any others."

Nonetheless, remaining in the church, Maguire acknowledges, is a struggle. "I run the great risk of being misunderstood or dismissed," he said. A declaration from the Vatican in 2003 that gay parents do "violence" by raising children caused us "grave distress," Maguire added.

But he explained, to "leave the church over what it's saying, I would have to pluck out my eyes because I don't like what I am seeing." For Maguire, that action would be tantamount to spiritual suicide, he said. "I would far rather be brave and sit in the pew" and "with a fair amount of respect, be the Rosa Parks of the situation. I am not moving. I didn't move before, and I'm not moving now. I am going to be buried from this church."

[NYer]

This story will appear in the March 23 issue of National Catholic Reporter.

[narses]

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[Bernard]

Other people have left the Catholic Church because of disagreements on certain issues. There's no reason for homosexuals to stay, unless they just can't find enough similar people to set a separate congregation.

[NYer]

On April 11, 2006, Andy Newman, right, testifies on same-sex marriage at the Massachusetts State House as Gregory Maguire holds one of their children.

---

Ooooooohhhh .... this article totally infuriates me from beginning to end! Where does one begin to address the multiple levels of selfishness and greed expressed by these two gay men?!

Well, he has not asked the right question -- hasn't asked Andy and me, 'Why are you making so many sacrifices to take care of these orphans?' "

I'm going for the jugular here. As an adoptee and adoptive parent, our children are not viewed as 'orphans' nor do we view raising them as 'sacrfices'. But for these two men, adoption was the only means to the parenthood they sought, which was probably motivated by politics. They want to prove a point - that gay men can raise children.

I'm seething! Now that they have gone public, it is up to their ordinary to call them in and read them the riot act then dismiss them from communion.

[NYer]

There's no reason for homosexuals to stay, unless they just can't find enough similar people to set a separate congregation.

Well, as he pointed out ....

"I would far rather be brave and sit in the pew" and "with a fair amount of respect, be the Rosa Parks of the situation. I am not moving. I didn't move before, and I'm not moving now. I am going to be buried from this church."

He, like the 'female priestesses' who refuse to accept their excommunication, view themselves as heroes ... the "Rosa Park's" of the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church will not toss him out but his bishop should now feel obligated to call him in for a long talk. If after that, he refuses to "give up his seat", then excommunication may very well follow.

[NYer]

Reading these comments ....

"If we can't get the message to the clergy that discrimination will not be tolerated, the people will go around" the leadership, and the "clergy will play catch-up."

"A parent's first obligation is to speak to his children with the most authentic language he has. For me, that is Catholicism."

"We are able to say to our children honorably that we are married."

There is a total disconnect with Catholic teachings. Yet, because 'gay marriage' is now 'legal' in the State of Massachusetts, they feel that gives them an upper hand in directing how the local Catholic Church must respond. The author of the article then supports their stance by citing survey results.

A recent poll from Decision Research shows that a majority of Catholics in Massachusetts -- 53 percent -- favor same-sex civil marriage.

Here is why the Catholic Church adamantly defends its position against gay marriage. This clash of legal vs spiritual is like watching a train wreck.

[Calpernia]

ping

[Calpernia]

Is this the same Andy Newman?

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0CE1D8133CF931A35751C1A960958260&n=Top%2fReference%2fTimes%20Topics%2fSubjects%2fS%2fSex
Plea for the 'Transgendered'
By ANDY NEWMAN
Published: December 2, 1996

Excerpt:

People who do not identify with the sex they were born into are lobbying Rutgers University for protection against discrimination and harassment, The Associated Press reported yesterday.

Rutgers has forbidden discrimination on the basis of sex and sexual orientation since 1981. But members of the school's ''transgendered'' community, which includes transsexuals and transvestites, want explicit protection. ''This isn't about my sexual orientation,'' said Ben Singer, a female-to-male transsexual graduate student. ''It's about my gender identity.''

[Jaded]

Hmmm does that mean that if murder would become legal that it would therefore be morally acceptable? I don't think so.

Yesterday, I went to Jeff Cavin's Great Adventure seminar. He pointed out (with priests in attendance) that excommunication was not actually being kicked out of the church. That the ordinary is drawing a line and telling that person you can't cross this line until you repent. Sort of like time out.

New Ways is a very bad thing.

[dcnd9]

NCR is no better than the errant group New Ways Ministry.

Both C.I.N.O.'s who need to change the church to fit their large Ego's rather than humble themselves and follow the Catholic faith per Christ teachings.

[SteveMcKing]

"We go to church on a regular basis, are respected in our parish,"

Buddy.... Just because I am civil toward you, even friendly at times, does not mean that I respect you.

[SteveMcKing]

"Where does one begin to address the multiple levels of selfishness and greed expressed by these two gay men?!"

With this priceless bit:

Maguire extended an invitation for Pope Benedict XVI to share a meal and meet the family.

Un-be-fricking-lievable.

[OpusatFR]

"But he explained, to "leave the church over what it's saying, I would have to pluck out my eyes because I don't like what I am seeing." For Maguire, that action would be tantamount to spiritual suicide, he said. "I would far rather be brave and sit in the pew..."

You've already committed spiritual suicide.

You aren't brave. You have so much spiritual pride and sense of yourself and the rightness of your sin, you don't care what anyone thinks, namely God, or the congregation.

[Unam Sanctam]

Just the same old, "I insist on calling myself Catholic and insist that the Catholic Church change her teachings to suit me..." canard one hears over and over again.

[SaintDismas]

Again, I say with exclamation points around the world 50 times: Praise God that the Church is not a democracy! And, that the Vatican is it's own country, subject to nobody's laws!!!

[wagglebee]

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[Gene Eric]

>> If the legislature approves the measure again, this year or next, voters would have the final say in November 2008.

Well, if the voters elect to ban same sex civil marriages, the judiciary will step in and remind the electorate who's really in charge.

[Bainbridge]

Don't hold your breath.

[gidget7]

Ya gotta love stories like this! Devout, but blaspheming and demanding the right to from the church. How exactly, is going completely contrary to Church teaching and doctrine, devout??

Let's say divorced people start demanding they be sanctioned by the church, and allowed to marry as many times as they want? How far do we suppose they would get. Not far, and they don't try. Church doctrine says one must be annulled in order to remarry another. That's the way it is!

Lets say those who use birth control go to the church and demand acceptance of that. Not going to happen, that's just the way it is!

Lets say prostitutes go to the church and demand the right to change the Church doctrine, and demand acceptance of that...........duh, not going to happen, that's just the way it is.

These articles on gays demanding they be called devout when they clearly are not, are enough to gag you. If you don't like the teachings of the church, you are not devout and are not Catholic, so leave. That's all...

Jews do not go to their synagogues and demand that they be recognized and accepted if they refuse to eat kosher, and their synagogue teaches they must.

[Iscool]

Jesus must be pukin' when he reads this...