Things only people from the South know

8-27-03 | Unkown

[WKB]

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you pitch one and have the other.

Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, Turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a mess.

A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin').

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash. <> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used both as a noun, verb and adverb.

A true Southerner knows how to understand Southern a booger can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive ("That ol' booger!") or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you to death.

True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines." And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

When you ask someone how they're doing and they reply, " Fair to middlin.", you know you're in the presence of a genuine Southerner.

Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened, "sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway? You say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.

[arjay]

Yeah, but you gotta have those watermelons floating in washtubs full of ice water. Use good block ice and chip it up into the tubs. Man, I don't think I ever had better watermelon than right out of the garden in Lubbock.

[dixiechick2000]

"Don'cha mean swee'tater pie?"

Yep...exactly. I should have pronounced it correctly.;o)

I don't know about most places but, in Oregon, they call all of the spreads "butter". I guess they don't care what they get.

[Samwise]

Down in Southern Indiana, green beans aren't any good til the are cooked the second or third time.

Well, send some cooks up this way and teach these Northerners how to cook beans. Beans aren't supposed to crunch! ;^)

BTW, I never take green beans to a carry-in. Nobody likes mine, and I can't make them nearly as good as grandma did. LOL

[dixiechick2000]

"calf slobber."

LOL! I surely do hope you mean "meringue".

I had to go look that one up!;o)

[don-o]

In the south you don't ask if someone wants a soft drink, you ask if they want a coke.

In east Tennessee, they were known as dopes.

[JoeFromCA]

Ironically, my friend Cooter's full name was in fact Cooter Brown. I never had the pleasure of knowing a Bubba, except for my unfortunate introduction to former President Bubba Clinton.

[JoeFromCA]

My order was always for an RC cola (pronounced AR-A see coler, with a two syllable R, ) and a moon pie. Real moon pies are of course still available to those lucky enough to live in the South. Fake marshmallow snacks are also sold, so insist on the original.

[JoeFromCA]

After picking watermelons as a kid we'd always ride on the back of the wagon going home. As soon as we hit a shady spot we'd push a couple of watermelons off the back of the wagon. To mitigate the damages, the whole crew would have to stop and eat the watermelons in the shade rather than have them go to waste.

My mama used to drive us around the countryside and sell watermelons for 50 cents each out of the car. I doubt the watermelons were worth that much; everybody just felt sorry for a widow woman with three kids and always bought at least one.

Not always happy times to remember.

[N. Theknow]

If you pronounce it that way and like "moompies" then you prolly know this guy:

Dogs is like wise humans - they fight with their mouth. - Brother Dave Gardner

[JoeFromCA]

I remember Brother Dave well, and that he had a joke or two about moon pies, but can't recall the punch lines. He was actually an ordained minister, Baptist I think, who made a couple of albums based on live performances done in the late 50s/early 60s. The albums were produced by Chet Atkins, and included a wide range of parodies, jokes, songs, etc.

[N. Theknow]

I didn't see any sound clips of the "moompie" stories like "If you ain't John, I'm gone!", but you might take a stroll down memory lane with some of the others.

Brother Dave Website - Ching Ching -

"Say Brother Dave, where's the safest place to be when the bomb drops?"

"Any place where you can say, 'What the Hell was that!'"

[yarddog]

It has been a long time since I have heard that term. No one where I grew up called them "dopes" but I used to work with a guy from Birmingham and he said they called cokes, dopes when he was a kid.

[CindyDawg]

Wow. This thread is still going. I'm going to come back and read later. I checked out last night around 200 :')

[TexasCowboy]

"If you can wade through the grease, they are very good."

They got grease in their grits??!
That's sacrilegious!!

[TexasCowboy]

"I'm going to town , be back "dreckley"."

Of course! That's the only way it's pronounced!
If someone says, "di-rect-ly", they ain't Southern!

[yarddog]

I am not sure how common this was but we always mixed the grits with sausage and eggs along with a little salt and pepper. I always mixed it all up. Really very good.

Mother fixed grits probably 60% of the time for breakfast. I like grits but don't think they would be very good just by themselves.

My wife who comes from Oklahoma doesn't care for grits but she fixes them anyway.

[TexasCowboy]

Okay, if you really want to know how watermelon is best, grab a cotton sack and hit the cotton fields pulling cotton in Texas.
When you get to the end of the row lay those wild watermelons that always grow there over into the irrigation ditch with that cold, running water.
By the time you pull your way back those melons will be the best thing you have ever eaten in all your life!

[yarddog]

A few years ago I was talking with a friend from Texas. We were discussing picking cotton. I mentioned how the pointed ends of the boll would hurt your fingers after a day of picking.

He said that in Texas they just pulled the whole boll off. That would sure make your sack weigh more. We got 3 cent per pound (My Uncle Buck was our employer) and it was pretty good money for a little kid back then.

[TexasCowboy]

No, grits is a "with" food.
I love to tear up about four sunny side up eggs and fold my grits into them, slather a biscuit with BUTTER and stick a piece of honeycomb in there.
That's livin', pard!

[dixiechick2000]

Omigosh! I totally messed up that post.
Let me try again...

If you can wade through the grease in Denny's, they are very good.

;o)