USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Thursday Sports Day in the Canteen ~ May 15 2003

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
--George Will

It is amazing what can be accomplished when nobody cares about who gets the credit.
--Robert Yates

SPORTS HEADLINES

Click To Visit These Online Sports Websites!

NBA

Steve Kerr, one of the more thoughtful and introspective players to put on an NBA uniform, was asked to identify the greatest similarity between Michael Jordan and David Robinson, having played alongside both and won championships with both during his career...more

SPONSOR TIME

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MLB

For all the lastest news in baseball, click on the logo!!! Check out who is on top and who hasn't figured out that the season has already begun.

NHL

Both Grant Marshall of the New Jersey Devils and Mike Leclerc, left, of the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim know their way around an NHL rink. But both grinders haven't spent a lot of time in the spotlight. That has changed this spring as both forwards have played big roles in their teams' success. ...more

SPONSOR TIME

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NASCAR

Hello NASCAR fans! I'm sure you were all depressed because there wasn't a Winston Cup race this past weekend. Fret not, it's BACK ON this weekend.

NFL

Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor and linebacker Zach Thomas will be in Germany to visit United States military men and women on behalf of the USO and the NFL, May 15-18.

"I am pleased that Zach and Jason will represent the NFL and let the troops know how appreciative and proud we are of them," said Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who went on a similar trip with Jerome Bettis and Eddie George last year.

MLS

Are you bored with America's other pastimes? Would you like to join the billions of other people in the world that are crazy about "football"? Did you watch the last World Cup and discover that the United States actually had a national team for soccer? Were you impressed that they did better than France? If so, click on the MLS logo and find out more about soccer.

Slump ? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin.
--Yogi Berra

This is our picture of the week. This may seem like a boring picture, but this is a picture of Free Iraqi's practicing soccer without fear of Saddam Hussein or any of the thugs of his regime. Thank you to all our brave men and women for their sacrifice and service to not only America, but for the freedom of oppressed peoples around the world. "Thank You" goes out to our allies as well. Thank you!

I never criticize a player until they are first convinced of my unconditional confidence in their abilities.
--John Robinson

DID YOU KNOW??

The first (ancient Greek) Olympic games were held in 776 B.C. There was only one event - a one-kilometre footrace down the centre of the stadium in Olympia.

Even though "Shoeless Joe" Jackson was barred from baseball's Hall of Fame for his role in the 1919 "Black Sox" scandal, his shoes can be found there.

Although 24 out of the 30 current National Hockey League teams are located in America, all NHL jerseys are manufactured in Canada.

American football has the highest injury rate of any sport, with a rate 12 times higher than basketball, the next most injurious sport. Most NFL players eventually suffer a career-ending or career-shortening injury sometime in their career.

For the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome, the Roman Olympic Organisation Committee made a deal with the Association of Roman Thieves not to engage in street thefts during the Olympics. So, during the games, occurrences of pickpocketing, purse snatching, and holdups were at a low.

COACHES CORNER: ASK MA!

Welcome To The Coaches Corner! Think you have issues? Please take time to see how Ma answers questions for famous athletes, coaches, and wannabes. Perhaps you can spot someone you know!

You have issues? Ma has answers!

Dear Ma,

I am a former figure skater with a "checkered" past. I have tried to live down that infamous day when another figure skater was taken out by my ex-husband and a "friend". Since that time, I've had a very rough life. I've tried acting, singing, boxing, and other activities to support myself. I've had to live in my car and suffer humiliation as a poster girl for the "WHITE TRASH" camp. I'm trying to "reform" myself and I wanted your perspective on what I can do to help myself.
Sincerely, Trailer Trash Tonya

Dear Trailer Trash Tonya,

Where do I begin? To state that your life is a mess would be to state the obvious. What you need is a shrink, a shrink's couch, and lots of Prozac. That would be a good start. Second, you need to get into one of those support groups for people with neurotic personalities. Find out which one Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafucco are in and then join immediately. Or, if you can find the one where O.J. Simpson is a member..you'd be better off. I just had a chat with the MAN upstairs and he assures me that you do have a redeeming quality. Although, I'm not sure that you should work anywhere near a crowbar. So? That leaves you with two options for employment: Bill Clinton's intern or one of Hans Blix's weapons inspectors. Neither one of those jobs requires a good education, good breeding, or common sense. As a matter of fact, the dumber you are the better.

NEXT!

Dear Ma,

I am the former Heavyweight champion of the world. I am currently entangled in some legal issues with some of my babies mamas. I also have an issue with the Nation Of Islam. (I converted to Islam during one of my "vacation" stays in the big house.) They seem to think that Allah needs more money. I disagree. Also, I'm feeling self conscious because a lot of people make fun of my voice. They say I talk like a crack baby. That really hurts a gentle guy like myself. I just need love. I'm writing to ask you if I will ever find the right woman and whether or not I will beat Evander Holyfield?
Sincerely, Talking Tyson Time! Big Upz Ma!

Dear Mike Tyson,

Please see my above response to your fellow neurotic athlete, Tonya. I'm not sure I get paid enough to be your Ma, shrink, mentor, babysitter, career counselor, common sense reality checker, or your babbling know it all. Since you asked, I will deliver. Legal issues and Mike Tyson? That would have been your legacy, but then you had to go out there and outdo yourself. I think the whole world feels you have an ear fetish now. If not, you obviously didn't get enough food when you were a baby. Who would think of biting someone's ear in the ring? Only you baby!! Your trouble with women is well documented. Did you ever think about actually dating any of these women prior to breeding with them? It usually helps with the whole bonding issue. As for the Nation of Islam, well they have their own issues to worry about these days. Hustling money that you supposedly don't have isn't one of them. As for your speaking like a baby, is that what gets women to breed with you? It's gotta be something. I'm guessing that could be it. Every girl loves baby dolls as youngsters. I guess they must have thought you were it. Little did they know, huh? Just remember to keep a shrink on staff and your lawyer on call. The drama in your life would take weeks to sort out. I don't have that much time and The Kid doesn't pay me enough to do it. If you need a job that badly, you could always do the WWF thing. They'd love to have you.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK!

Sports Do Not Build Character...They Reveal It
--John Wooden