Posted on 03/05/2003 4:18:25 AM PST by tomkow6
Pacific Ocean (Mar. 2, 2003) -- Aviation Electrician's Mate 3rd Class Forrest Fulker from Carbondale, Colo., repairs an engine block brushing for an E-2C “Hawkeye” aircraft from the "Golden Hawks" of Airborne Early Warning Squadron One One Two (VAW-112). Fulker and the Golden Hawks are aboard USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70), on deployment in the western Pacific Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer's Mate Airman Chris Henry.
Camp Patriot, Kuwait (Mar. 2, 2003) -- Master at Arms 2nd Class Phillip Darity, a U.S. Navy dog handler, instructs a role player acting as a suspect with the assistance of his dog, Argo. Argo, who is trained as a bomb and patrol dog, has served in the Navy for about one year and is making his first deployment. Navy police dogs and their Master at Arms handlers are being deployed to assist with force protection at many forward operating areas in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer's Mate 1st Class Arlo K. Abrahamson.
After much arguing and deliberation, historians this week have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Era. It will be called:
SEX BETWEEN THE BUSHES. 
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced that Clinton has proven that you can get sex from Aides.
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinski's. She replied, "Close, but no cigar."
The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress:
"Presidue."
Clinton now recruits interns from only four colleges:
Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham Young.
Did you know that Clinton had asked to change the Democratic emblem from a donkey to a condom? It represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed.
Arkansas is very proud of Bill Clinton.
All these women coming forward,and not one is his sister!
Finally, Hillary Clinton recently went to a fortuneteller who intoned, "Prepare to become a widow. Your husband will soon suffer a violent death!" Hillary took a deep breath and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
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Angels is an understatement. We are on such great behavior that sainthood is within our grasp. (Barf Alert over)
50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game is rained out. A refund is then due.
The team is about to mail refunds when the congressional Democrats stop them and suggest that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness. After all, if the refunds are made based on the price each person pays for the tickets, most of the money would go to the ticket holders of the most expensive tickets.
That would be unconscionable.
The DNC plan says:
People in the $10 seats will get back $15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit". Persons "earn" it by demonstrating little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that's only fair.
People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. If they can afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes.
People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50, because they have way too much to spend.
The people driving by the stadium who can't afford to watch the game will get $10 each; even though they haven't paid anything, they need the most help.
Now do you understand? If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi or Senator Tom Daschle for assistance.
Drive by hand-outs!
Ma, Goddess has her own bottle of spirits and she ain't sharing. How fair is that? Um, yes I'm still preparing for Sunday School and will not be available to answer any questions regarding the Canteen furniture or the Canteen kitchen.
Ooooohhh MY GAWD!! That's HILARIOUS!!!
The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject. Later in the school yard, the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, "No, my dad raises money for the Democratic Party, but I was just too embarrassed to say it."
They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet's cage, and threw the cat into the back yard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had thrown into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "he" always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty, so she explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says.
"Stupid b!t%# was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat a$$ downstairs and threw her into the back yard !!"
Good evening, Brian. God bless you and all of your buddies for helping to keep America safe.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH:
A female moth.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines
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