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USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Military Jokes ~ February 24 2003
68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub and FRiends of the Canteen

Posted on 02/23/2003 11:19:02 PM PST by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub

The Politically Correct Battlefield

They're not our enemy; they're our socio-political compliment.
We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications.
We don't spy; we deal in unreleased information.
They're not casualties; they're inoperative battle units.
We don't have scouts; we have unauthorized observers.
We don't miss; we fail to effectively engage the target.
We don't waste missiles; we run a non-cost-effective equipment exchange.
We don't attack; we aggressively move into pre-occupied territory.
We don't retreat; we reconsolidate at a previously held position.
We don't waste money, we fail to effectively utilize funding.
We're not at war; we're sanctioning with extreme prejudice.

Mom's wisdom

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make:
He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter,
as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one: "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"I'm positive you'd never get through basic training" scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question:
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

Wild Kid

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy
who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down,
the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform
of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly,
soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides,
"I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons,
and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

Chopper crash

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise
a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor.
The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom.
However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks,
this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."

Pilots jokes

What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog.
The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.

How do you know if there is an pilot at your party?
He'll tell you.

What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot....

What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into an aviator when it's drunk.

What do pilots use for birth control?
Their personality.

What is the difference between an pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining when it pulls up to the gate.

The difference between the Boy Scouts and the U.S. Air Force?
The boy Scouts have adult supervision.

Seeking Protection

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada,
known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see
a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost,
and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot
and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy.
They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing,
complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison,
told him Vegas was that-a-way on such and such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said,
"Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"



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KEYWORDS: michaeldobbs
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To: MoJo2001; LaDivaLoca
You're welcome. I'm just glad there's somewhere to post them
261 posted on 02/24/2003 6:27:57 PM PST by SAMWolf (We do not bargain with terrorists, we stalk them, corner them , take aim and kill them)
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To: LaDivaLoca
May they join the party?

Absolutely !!! C'mon in...the water's fine. In fact, the boys are havin' a little get-together Saturday night. Send them over ...

262 posted on 02/24/2003 6:28:23 PM PST by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye SADdam. You're soon to meet your buddy Stalin in Hades.)
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To: 68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub
Welcome home Tonkin.

263 posted on 02/24/2003 6:28:26 PM PST by Soaring Feather (Thank You Military Guzys and Canteen Guzys for the warm fire tonight.)
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To: 68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub; snippy_about_it; Kathy in Alaska; All
4 US soldiers killed in Kuwait (Blackhawk crash)

4 miles NW of Camp NJ

No further news yet

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/850960/posts


264 posted on 02/24/2003 6:30:04 PM PST by Bethbg79
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To: LaDivaLoca
Thank you Diva.
265 posted on 02/24/2003 6:30:06 PM PST by Soaring Feather (I am poet bentfeather)
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To: snippy_about_it
For our soldiers lost today.

John 15:13 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
266 posted on 02/24/2003 6:30:46 PM PST by snippy_about_it ( Pray for our troops!)
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To: snippy_about_it
Thank You for posting the flags.
Offering my prayers to our Fallen Warriors and their families and friends.
267 posted on 02/24/2003 6:33:17 PM PST by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub
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To: SAMWolf
Current Military News The Few, The Proud

Thanks again, Sam, for these updates on our Troops. I always get so emotional looking at these pictures. God bless them and keep them in His care.

268 posted on 02/24/2003 6:36:11 PM PST by LaDivaLoca (God bless our President, our Military and may God bless America!)
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To: SAMWolf
I wish someone would take the pictures that you and many others share on the Canteen and post them on posters and take them to the rallies. Let those pro-terrorist supporting idiots see the men and women that fight for their right to hate America. I've seen some of the Freeper Rallies and some of the people have used them. (Very awesome) I wish everyone would use them!!
269 posted on 02/24/2003 6:36:51 PM PST by MoJo2001 (Support Our Troops by living your life to the fullest. Send them your appreciation! Pray for them!)
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To: MoJo2001
I MISSED YOU TOO, DIVA! It's so great to see you here!


270 posted on 02/24/2003 6:40:22 PM PST by LaDivaLoca (God bless our President, our Military and may God bless America!)
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To: MoJo2001
I see those protetors and it's mostly the same brain-dead crowd or the same type of losers who were protesting in the 60's. They have no clue as to who makes sure they have the right to protest.
271 posted on 02/24/2003 6:43:05 PM PST by SAMWolf (We do not bargain with terrorists, we stalk them, corner them , take aim and kill them)
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To: snippy_about_it
Call to prayer!

Oh my good Lord!(choke) My prayers to all the families and friends of our fallen heroes.

272 posted on 02/24/2003 6:45:07 PM PST by LaDivaLoca (God bless our President, our Military and may God bless America!)
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To: snippy_about_it
My apologies - I was too frazzled and upset I forgot these:


273 posted on 02/24/2003 6:48:00 PM PST by LaDivaLoca (God bless our President, our Military and may God bless America!)
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To: All
I'll be back in awhile:


274 posted on 02/24/2003 6:53:42 PM PST by LaDivaLoca (God bless our President, our Military and may God bless America!)
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To: SAMWolf
We have a new strategy.

We encourage the French to buddy up to the Iraqis.

Then it will only be a matter of time before the French initiate cultural exchange programs, swapping the French Army for the Iraqi.

Once all the Iraqis are in Paris and the French are in Iraq, we'll be able to invade Iraq without a shot fired when the French immediately lay down their arms and shoot their hands skyward.

The Iraqis will return home at their appointed time and we'll be waiting for them on the tarmac.

The only problem is how to keep the Iraqis from getting clued in as they debark the aircraft and might hear the incessant French whining, crying, and discarded hankerchefs littering the concourse.

just joking..The French Foreign legion are outstanding soldiers and I also can't understand the lack of universal opposition to iraq other than perhaps advanced spiritual warfare.
275 posted on 02/24/2003 6:59:22 PM PST by Cvengr
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To: SAMWolf
Indeed!
276 posted on 02/24/2003 7:03:08 PM PST by MoJo2001 (Support Our Troops by living your life to the fullest. Send them your appreciation! Pray for them!)
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To: Bethbg79
May God comfort their families during these difficult time. May we never forget the sacrifices of these brave soldiers. Rest In Peace!
277 posted on 02/24/2003 7:04:30 PM PST by MoJo2001 (Support Our Troops by living your life to the fullest. Send them your appreciation! Pray for them!)
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To: LaDivaLoca
Oh! I love those!! Woohoo!!
278 posted on 02/24/2003 7:05:07 PM PST by MoJo2001 (Support Our Troops by living your life to the fullest. Send them your appreciation! Pray for them!)
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To: LaDivaLoca
Evening, Diva!
279 posted on 02/24/2003 7:11:16 PM PST by tomkow6 (......................hehehehehe..............snicker................not gonna behave today........)
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To: MoJo2001
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! My upgraded computer won't let me listen to the music. Have to wait til I get home. I ask you, is this fair?


280 posted on 02/24/2003 7:15:33 PM PST by Kathy in Alaska (God Bless America and our Military Who Protect Her.)
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