Osama In Coma, Near Death

John Batchelor, WABC Radio - NYC ^ | February 15, 2003 | TommyDale

[TommyDale]

Just before midnight last night, John Batchelor, on location in Kazahkistan, reported that Osama Bin Laden is under heavy guard in a cave in Western Pakistan. He is yellow in color, from failing kidneys, and slips in and out of a coma. The required kidney dialysis has failed to help him.

Apparently, when he comes out of a coma for a brief period, they will record his voice. Of course, if he dies soon, he will be denied his wish for martyrdom. It was stated that some see this as a punishment from God.

[TommyDale]

Hmmmm...where is Mohammed in this?

[YOMO]

Just make sure his shroud is made out of PIGSKIN.

[laconic]

The last time i looked, Kazakhstan was about 1000 miles north of Pakistan and Afghanistan and didn't share a border with either. So how is this reporter on 'location' any more than you or I?

[The Toad]

Wow--a greaet act of martydom via a failed liver!

[canuck_conservative]

Well, at least the snake is dying a long, slow, painful death. So deserving, and just what most of us hoped for.

[hgro]

Hmmmm...where is Mohammed in this?

Mohammed is looking all over the Islamic heaven trying to find 72 virgins. So far no luck. Seems they are more scarce than lawyers and priests.

[abner]

Apparently, when he comes out of a coma for a brief period, they will record his voice. Of course, if he dies soon, he will be denied his wish for martyrdom. It was stated that some see this as a punishment from God.

I guess that would explain his second announcement this week about him dying this year.

[msuMD]

Normally you don't turn yellow with end stage kidney disease. You turn yellow with end stage liver disease, ie Jaundice.

[Dog Gone]

How would John Batchelor, on location in Kazahkistan, know what is happening in western Pakistan?

[IronJack]

I still believe bin Laden is cave caulk somewhere under Tora Bora. All the "evidence" nothwithstanding, I think he's been dead for more than a year.

[Teacher317]

Of course, if he dies soon, he will be denied his wish for martyrdom.

Awww, the poor, poor little fella. If only those marching peacenik ninnies would realiize that we're trying to help Osama out. Stupid liberals!

;^)

[TommyDale]

Aparently, there are sources located there from whom he obtained the information. I'm only reporting what Mr. Batchelor stated on the air. If you don't believe it, call him and ask him what his sources are.

[denydenydeny]

That's the issue that bothers me about the "why don't we go after Osama" yammering that is a favorite Democrat talking point.

To go after Osama, if he is in fact still alive, would require an invasion of Pakistan, and everyone knows it.

Do the Democrats want us to invade Pakistan?

[3D-JOY]

That is the first thing I noticed too.

Does it effect the truth of the entire story?

[Ranger]

If your doctor is rounded up in Pakistan, how long does it take to die of kidney failure because of a lack of dialysis?

[mhking]

Oh, so Ra's Al Ghul is about to drop dead? Where's his Lazarus Pit so he can continue his struggle against Batman?

[drjimmy]

Wow--a greaet act of martydom via a failed liver!
It would go great with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

[shattered]

I think a few days.

[T Minus Four]

When you check the link, go ahead and FReep the poll. It asks about the effectiveness of Powell's speech to the UN.

[Semper Paratus]

This is the 2nd story about Osama's coming demise.

Al-Queda has determined that a martyred Big 'O' is now preferable to the post-mortem Osama they've been foisting on us with edited tapes.