Duct Tape-Gate?
Senate anti-minority Minority Leader Tommy Daschle Wednesday took some timeout from his busy day blocking hispanics from the bench, resuming his duct tape-gate offensive which observers observe may have already yielded decisive results.
"The administration has to do better, they have to do a lot more than tell people that the responsibility is now on their shoulders!" screamed an angry Tommy yesterday.
Tommy, convinced he's finally landed a political winner, something that'll, um, stick, says he's on, um, a roll -- that is, so long as he doesn't, um, stretch the duct tape-gate thingy too far.
"If there's one adhesive that'll keep fractious Democrats glued together, it's duct tape-gate," a top Democrat Senate aid told me, adding "it keeps our party from cutting itself into strips. And -- the cotton mesh, the so-called 'backbone' of duct tape-gate, gives our party both strength and suppleness."
"The duct tape-gate theme lets us tightly wrap ourselves in the mantle of homeland security and stuff," said another aid.
At a press briefing, Tommy blasted the White House, chiding Bush for being short on specifics, asking "what good does it do to tell people to run out and buy duct tape without specifics, Mr. Bush?"
"What grade tape, Mr. Bush?" Tommy demanded. "Forty pound (40-lb)? Twenty-pound (20-lb)? And how thick? Sixty millimeter (60 millimeter)? Fifty-one millimeters (51 millimeter)? And what color, Mr. Bush? Yellow? Red? Black? Blue? White? And what brand tape? Memorex? Maxell? Sony? Or RCA?"
Daschle: "And why the fixation with duct tape, anyway? What's wrong with trying other tape -- aluminum foil-backed tape, for example? Or clear plastic tape? What about all-weather tape? Masking tape? And what kind of knife or scissor should you use to cut the tape? Stainless steel? Pocket knife? Or fixed blade? Kitchen knife? Or pruning knife?"
Daschle added that, besides, he doesn't think Bush has made his case that sealing windows and doors in a biological or chemical attack makes you any safer than keeping doors and windows wide open.
"Where's the evidence, Mr. Bush? Where's the proof that keeping those windows open poses an imminent threat?"
America, apparently heeding Tommy's advice to forget the duct tape, rushed to clear store shelves of the stuff as fast as they could, jacking up sales of duct tape, plastic sheeting and other emergency supplies across the country.
So, the ironic twist here is that Tommy Daschle, far from being irrelevant, is, in a negative sort of way, very relevant, indeed: If Daschle tells Americans to do such and such, people will scramble to do the very opposite.
But here's the baffling part: People stocked up on water without needing detailed instructions from FEMA on what brand name water they should buy or what constitutes a 3-day supply; stocked up on food without needing detailed instructions from FEMA on what kind of canned goods (Sardines or tuna? Soup or vegetables? Refried beans or pasta?) they should buy; stocked up on batteries without needing detailed instructions from Sec. Ridge on whether Duracell is better than Eveready better than Energizer etc.; stocked up on, well, you get the picture.
Anyway, that's...
My two cents...
"JohnHuang2"
ANCHORAGE, AK, Jan. 21, 2003, -- The 4th annual Duct Tape Ball takes a walk on the wild side on Feb. 7, 2003, at the 4th Avenue Theater. The black-tie affair, sponsored by Henkel Consumer Adhesives, Inc., the developers and marketers of Duck® brand duct tape, will benefit local nonprofit agencies Kids’ Kitchen and H.U.G.S.S. (Help Us Give School Supplies). The event begins at 5:59 p.m. with cocktails, dinner at 6:59 p.m. and dancing as long as the band sticks around.