Daschle says Americans need more than duct tape [Duct Tape-Gate?]

Reuters ^ | Thursday, February 13, 2003

[JohnHuang2]

WASHINGTON, Feb 12 (Reuters) - U.S. Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said on Wednesday the Bush administration must do more to protect Americans against a suspected increased risk of terrorist attacks than urge them to seal a designated room with duct tape and plastic sheets. Continues.

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Duct Tape-Gate?

Senate anti-minority Minority Leader Tommy Daschle Wednesday took some timeout from his busy day blocking hispanics from the bench, resuming his duct tape-gate offensive which observers observe may have already yielded decisive results.

"The administration has to do better, they have to do a lot more than tell people that the responsibility is now on their shoulders!" screamed an angry Tommy yesterday.

Tommy, convinced he's finally landed a political winner, something that'll, um, stick, says he's on, um, a roll -- that is, so long as he doesn't, um, stretch the duct tape-gate thingy too far.

"If there's one adhesive that'll keep fractious Democrats glued together, it's duct tape-gate," a top Democrat Senate aid told me, adding "it keeps our party from cutting itself into strips. And -- the cotton mesh, the so-called 'backbone' of duct tape-gate, gives our party both strength and suppleness."

"The duct tape-gate theme lets us tightly wrap ourselves in the mantle of homeland security and stuff," said another aid.

At a press briefing, Tommy blasted the White House, chiding Bush for being short on specifics, asking "what good does it do to tell people to run out and buy duct tape without specifics, Mr. Bush?"

"What grade tape, Mr. Bush?" Tommy demanded. "Forty pound (40-lb)? Twenty-pound (20-lb)? And how thick? Sixty millimeter (60 millimeter)? Fifty-one millimeters (51 millimeter)? And what color, Mr. Bush? Yellow? Red? Black? Blue? White? And what brand tape? Memorex? Maxell? Sony? Or RCA?"

Daschle: "And why the fixation with duct tape, anyway? What's wrong with trying other tape -- aluminum foil-backed tape, for example? Or clear plastic tape? What about all-weather tape? Masking tape? And what kind of knife or scissor should you use to cut the tape? Stainless steel? Pocket knife? Or fixed blade? Kitchen knife? Or pruning knife?"

Daschle added that, besides, he doesn't think Bush has made his case that sealing windows and doors in a biological or chemical attack makes you any safer than keeping doors and windows wide open.

"Where's the evidence, Mr. Bush? Where's the proof that keeping those windows open poses an imminent threat?"

America, apparently heeding Tommy's advice to forget the duct tape, rushed to clear store shelves of the stuff as fast as they could, jacking up sales of duct tape, plastic sheeting and other emergency supplies across the country.

So, the ironic twist here is that Tommy Daschle, far from being irrelevant, is, in a negative sort of way, very relevant, indeed: If Daschle tells Americans to do such and such, people will scramble to do the very opposite.

But here's the baffling part: People stocked up on water without needing detailed instructions from FEMA on what brand name water they should buy or what constitutes a 3-day supply; stocked up on food without needing detailed instructions from FEMA on what kind of canned goods (Sardines or tuna? Soup or vegetables? Refried beans or pasta?) they should buy; stocked up on batteries without needing detailed instructions from Sec. Ridge on whether Duracell is better than Eveready better than Energizer etc.; stocked up on, well, you get the picture.

Anyway, that's...

My two cents...
"JohnHuang2"

[JohnHuang2]

hehehehehehe!

[jriemer]

heck, everybody knows the all american male can do anything with duct tape!

And that's the reason why Tom Daschle doesn't like duct tape. He's anti-american and anti-male.

[JohnHuang2]

Gotta run..bye, y'all

[Howlin]

I don't get this guy -- first he doesn't want me to have a muffler and now he wants my duct tape?

[blackie]

Good one, John!

Little Tommy Dashole doesn't have clue!

Be Ever Vigilant!

Be Well - Be Armed - Be Safe - Molon Labe!

Let's Roll!

[Redcloak]

You'll also need...

• Dry wall screws
• Dry wall mud
• A ball peen hammer
• Fabric softener
• Rubber boots
• A large box of condoms (ribbed)
• Hot sauce
• Steel wool
• Crisco (1 qt.)
• A garden hose
• Bird feed
• 24 live muskrats
• Toenail clippers
• A dozen eggs
• An elk call

I hope that everyone here is already prepared and that posting this list was unnecessary.

[Alamo-Girl]

Excellent essay, JohnHuang2! Thank you! Hugs!

[kayak]

John ~ I do so wish that you could get syndicated. Your writing is so much better than 95% of what passes for journalism these days!

We are so fortunate that you share your talents with us but the whole country, nay, the whole world would benefit from your 2 cents.

[dixiechick2000]

HA! Seeing you here in the morning is evidence that we could expect another brilliant, witty essay from you! Thanks!

I know what I'd like to do re: Daschle and duck tape, but this is a family forum...;o)

[da_toolman]

AND I am taking real seriously the part of the "get prepared" warning that said do whatever to protect your family.

Note to self: Call ahead before visiting Exhaustedmomma... 8^)

seriously though, in my book "get prepared" = "Lock and Load" to a certain extent, among other things.

[PsyOp]

I'd like to wrap Daschle in Duct Tape--starting with his mouth--then drop him of the fantail of the nearest U.S. warship headed for the Gulf.

[CyberAnt]

Excuse me ... aren't these the same people who HIJACKED the Homeland Security bill for months and months ...??

These people just keep shooting themselves in the foot - pretty soon they won't have any FEET to stand on!!!

[syriacus]

Thanks for highlighting Daschle's meager contributions. He's part of the problem. If he were a decent guy he'd be part of the solution.

Daschle could help his fellow Americans by spending a little of his TV time explaining what people can do in case of attacks.

He probably already knows.

In response to the Department of Homeland Security's recommendation to keep duct tape on-hand in preparing for a biological attack

Due to the heightened demand and accelerated sales of duct tape as a result of the Department of Homeland Security's recommendation to keep duct tape on-hand in preparing for a biological attack, Henkel Consumer Adhesives has increased duct tape production by 40%. In order to ensure that store supply levels are replenished, HCA is utilizing a rapid response inventory control system and working closely with retailers.

[MattAMiller]

Appearently the something else we need is filibusters and free pills for granny. The man is a bug, I honestly hate him. This is more than collegial disagreement he's the worst sort of opportunist. The same goes for the vast majority of Senate Democrats.

[IowaHawk]

Yes, Tommy, I need more than duct tape. What do I need?

I need for you to STFU. Now. Right this instant, you sawed-off whining falsetto mini-sack of Dakota crap. Nobody likes you, least of all your own party. And who can blame them? You have almost single-handedly rendered it as irrelevant as the Whigs and the Temperance League.

So do everyone a favor: Pack up that ugly, corrupt shakedown lobbyist you call a wife and board the next Airbus for Paris and peddle your pathetic Mr. Rogers schtick to the anti-American snail-eating sissies. I heard they eat that s*** up.

[Cyber Liberty]

"SAFE? o.k. You block any window(s) and door(s), seal it tight. NOTHING CAN GET IN...right? How long before the air is used up in this place?"

I see nobody's addressed your question, so I'll give it a whirl:

How long before the air is used up? Well, it's long enough for the airborne agents to disperse to the point of safe levels. That's all that is needed.

Nobody is claiming plastic and duct tape will keep you alive for a week. You only need minutes to hours to hang out in there.

In fact, this brings me to an observation on fighting these types of weapons. Except for vaccinations for bio, all measures are just stop-gaps, in order to give the victim time to move out of the area, or time for the agents to disperse into the atmosphere. Iodine pills to protect your thyroid gland in the event of a nuclear attack just keeps the strontium 90 out of there by blocking it. Eventually, you'll die from the iodine if you don't get out of exposure. Those insta-hypos the GIs have for nerve gas only slow the effect of the agents on the central nervous system. That will keep them alive just long enough to evac to the medics, where they get the real treatment.

Now, all that said, it's all for naught if the terrorists decide to insert their agents through a building's ventilation system.

[Neenah]

Thanks for answering.

[Cyber Liberty]

Hard to believe that it took something like 60 posts to answer a pretty darned obvious question.

[Cyber Liberty]

I didn't mean the answer was obvious...I just meant its a darned good question.

[solo gringo]

We need less daschle and clinton and more Bush and chenny.The hate daschle spews ever day our country can do without.